Categories: EtiquetteLook ProRiding UglyTradition

Riding Ugly: The Spider

Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette

There are lots of things to like about Vroomie Froomie, like his willingness to accept the fact that people are inclined to question his performances. Aside from me resenting him for leading a Tour which everyday becomes a little less exciting, he seems quite a likable guy; he is polite, respectful of the sport, wears team-issue bibs with his yellow jersey, his bike is only subtly yellow’d out, and he hasn’t publicly called anyone a c*nt that I’m aware of. That last point alone represents a refreshing change from last year.

When KRX10 and I worked together during the Dot-Bomb, we used to keep a miniature bike in our office, which we would use to do 6-corner time-trials around the office floor. I’m assuming someone must have made videos of those races and that they must have gone viral in Kenya, because it appears Froome modeled his position after ours on those tiny bikes.

I haven’t seen anyone ride in a position like his since Sean Kelly, except Sean always Looked Fantastic. His saddle is too low, his reach is too short, his back is too hunched, and his heels and elbows are pointed out like he’s trying to stomp on a Smurf. And, from the looks of his shoes, it appears he has been successful. I would very much appreciate it if he would sort himself out and attain a more pleasant position on the bike. I don’t care that he can make it go like a nutter; it’s an affront to my sense of aesthetics to see him hunched up like a spider humping a lightbulb.

And everyone knows that Science has proven spiders to be icky on account of having too many appendages.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next Velominati Super Prestige: Le Tour de France 2013, Stage 19 »

Previous « Guest Article: Six Monther

View Comments

Gianni says:

Jul 15 2013 at 4:29 pm

@Marcus

You want an offensive photo of a tall skinny climber who could TT (he could for one Tour anyway)?

ouch. That photo was uncalled for. But I did like being reminded of the chicken crashing his TT bike repeatedly. That was gold.
Nate says:

Jul 15 2013 at 4:33 pm

@Gianni

@Marcus

You want an offensive photo of a tall skinny climber who could TT (he could for one Tour anyway)?

ouch. That photo was uncalled for. But I did like being reminded of the chicken crashing his TT bike repeatedly. That was gold.

Can't @frank write a script to block pix like that of the Chicken?
Gianni says:

Jul 15 2013 at 4:48 pm

@Nate

Yes, it should be automatically replaced with this. Warning! Turn off audio or your brain will be permanently damaged.
il ciclista medio says:

Jul 15 2013 at 4:55 pm

@Steampunk

Watching yesterday's highlights again and I think the "problem" is his compact bars. For a guy with such long arms, when he gets out of the saddle, it looks like he's still on the tops, which looks horrendous.

Comparing the pic above with this one from the 2010 Giro, he seems to have reduced his reach considerably:

Here's last year's Vuelta:

...where he seems to have the reduced reach. I can't find a comparable angle from the 2011 Vuelta, but he seems a bit more stretched out there, too.

So, I wonder:

1. What prompted the change in set-up at Team Sky? It looks very wrong, but it's clearly working.

2. An injury and this mitigates the discomfort?

3. I'd also like to know what gearing he was using yesterday. Sean Kelly seemed to indicate that the peloton would likely be riding 39Ã—23/25, but the speed of Froome's acceleration has me wondering if he had smaller gearing, too.

4. The 2010 Giro photo clearly shows Froome emitting steam from his helmet. The lack of steam in the Vuelta photo may account for the difference in position there and now.

well, that's my theory anyway...
G'rilla says:

Jul 15 2013 at 5:48 pm

@VeloVita

I'm more disturbed at the fact that it seems we now have two Rons

Velominati: Built from Rons

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FU-tuY0Z7nQ&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DFU-tuY0Z7nQ
Bianchi Denti says:

Jul 15 2013 at 5:49 pm

@Marcus

@Bianchi Denti

Of all the Liz Hatch pics on the net (and i am pretty sure we have seen them all - twice), you went with that one? You can do better.

Of course I could, but that's too easy, and has been done to death. My photo showed her excellent position on the bike. Otherwise it's just gratuitous. Like this:

http://velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/readers/Richard/2013.07.16.00.41.40/2/Liz%20Hatch%202.jpg

Man, does her chain need cleaning or what?!
Buck Rogers says:

Jul 15 2013 at 6:19 pm

@Bianchi Denti

@Marcus

@Bianchi Denti

Of all the Liz Hatch pics on the net (and i am pretty sure we have seen them all - twice), you went with that one? You can do better.

Of course I could, but that's too easy, and has been done to death. My photo showed her excellent position on the bike. Otherwise it's just gratuitous. Like this:

Man, does her chain need cleaning or what?!

Faaarrk me! Knew I needed to check the site one more time before bed for a reason! Sweet dreams!
asyax says:

Jul 15 2013 at 6:26 pm

@Bianchi Denti

@Marcus

@Bianchi Denti

Of all the Liz Hatch pics on the net (and i am pretty sure we have seen them all - twice), you went with that one? You can do better.

Of course I could, but that's too easy, and has been done to death. My photo showed her excellent position on the bike. Otherwise it's just gratuitous. Like this:

Man, does her chain need cleaning or what?!

Nipple lube?
ten B says:

Jul 15 2013 at 6:35 pm

Every time I see Froome, I can't help but think of Skeezicks from the old Uncle Wiggily stories. Now that I think of it, Snippy Snoopy could be Quintanta. Not sure about Pipsisewah though. Bruyneel perhaps?
frank says:

Jul 15 2013 at 6:40 pm

@scaler911

The wrong position is just wrong.

Exactly, and I can tell you I could do fuck all in terms of getting power into the pedals. A problem Froome admittedly doesn't appear to have.

@Gianni

@Nate

Yes, it should be automatically replaced with this. Warning! Turn off audio or your brain will be permanently damaged.

I actually think I might be able to do that. Stand by. Might not be perfect, but over time I'll catch all the versions of that stupid image.

Or, easier might be just to block @Marcus.