Riding Ugly: The Spider

Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette

There are lots of things to like about Vroomie Froomie, like his willingness to accept the fact that people are inclined to question his performances. Aside from me resenting him for leading a Tour which everyday becomes a little less exciting, he seems quite a likable guy; he is polite, respectful of the sport, wears team-issue bibs with his yellow jersey, his bike is only subtly yellow’d out, and he hasn’t publicly called anyone a c*nt that I’m aware of. That last point alone represents a refreshing change from last year.

When KRX10 and I worked together during the Dot-Bomb, we used to keep a miniature bike in our office, which we would use to do 6-corner time-trials around the office floor. I’m assuming someone must have made videos of those races and that they must have gone viral in Kenya, because it appears Froome modeled his position after ours on those tiny bikes.

I haven’t seen anyone ride in a position like his since Sean Kelly, except Sean always Looked Fantastic. His saddle is too low, his reach is too short, his back is too hunched, and his heels and elbows are pointed out like he’s trying to stomp on a Smurf. And, from the looks of his shoes, it appears he has been successful. I would very much appreciate it if he would sort himself out and attain a more pleasant position on the bike. I don’t care that he can make it go like a nutter; it’s an affront to my sense of aesthetics to see him hunched up like a spider humping a lightbulb.

And everyone knows that Science has proven spiders to be icky on account of having too many appendages.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • I haven't watched much of this year's Tour as I have been away on weekends and trying to actually ride my new bike.  I tried to watch yesterday's stage and Froome's style on the bike made me want to put my eyes out with a minipump.

  • Froome should ride your bike, that would help.

    He has the rib cage of a high altitude sherpa, arms of a person who never uses them and long skinny legs. It is another good thing about cycling, the bike is the great equalizer of body types. It doesn't matter your body type; if you can go bat-shiet fast, you are winning. He is built like a tall climber yet he can time trial like Tony Martin, almost. Thank god he can't sprint.

  • It does look strange -- yes. And he went against the grain of Eddy's advice -- "no need to attack on Ventoux..." and did it on a clown-size frame.

  • I can only say that I doubt his bike set up is wrong for him given the undoubted wealth hat Sky can throw at the 'fit specialists'.  Just like me, ( but me not like him.....) his frame is rather ungainly for the pure esthete!!

  • Yet you chose a picture of him looking relatively normal.

    Unlike...

    or perhaps...

    or the comparatively awkward...

    All images stolen. No rights reserved.

  • If it's not broken don't fix it.

    Froome might look like a slinky on the bike but a slinky is still a coiled spring.

  • Thank you for pointing out the class he has by staying with the team bibs and yellow jersey as to not look like a d bag (i.e. P.Rolland).  His "style" may be horrid but he's at least got some class.

1 2 3 20
Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago