The Aesthete’s Choice
It has not escaped my attention that as I’ve evolved away from my original profession as a software developer and moved towards systems and solutions architecture and management, that I have tended to focus more on the theoretical aspects that support its fundamental principles rather than on the discrete activities that drive its execution. Being further removed from the work, it appears, causes one to become more philosophical about the labor.
And so it is with Cycling; the shorter days of the winter months carry with them a certain introspection that we don’t encounter during the summer when we feast on The V on a regular basis. With this perspective, it is not a wonder that Looking Fantastic has been front of mind these past few weeks. After all, Looking Fantastic, as I already said last week, is all I have at times like these. If this is starting to feel repetitive to you, then I ask your forgiveness. But I write more for my own pleasure than I do for yours, so you’ll just have to put up with it. Or stop reading; that’s an option too.
The subject of Looking Fantastic brings up an important point: what is it that allows some people to always look amazing and others to always look crap? The secret lies in the fact that Style isn’t about what you wear, but about how you wear it. Fit, placement, and the choices of what bits to combine with others are key elements, but none of it will work without a healthy dose of attitude and certain je ne sais quoi. Coppi, Bobet, Anquetil, Merckx, de Vlaeminck, Hinault, Fignon, Kelly, LeMond, Bugno, Cipollini, Millar. These are all riders who raced on teams with what is objectively ugly kit and turned them into icons of the sport.
Every day I get emails from readers who are seeking advice on what is and isn’t allowed in accordance with The Rules. What color socks are acceptable, how much yellow is needed before it becomes a YJA, are flashers allowed on a bike, are mud guards (fenders) acceptable – and what about race blades, does a rolled-up sock under the saddle make it an EPMS. (Any, any, yes, yes, yes, and yes.)
But all these questions miss the point. The first order of business is to ride our bikes. Period. The second order of business is to come home safely from the ride, so we may repeat the pattern. We all live in different environments and have differing degrees of risk we are willing to accept as part of doing The Great Work. Based on those criteria, our job as Aesthetes is not to reject them, but through some alchemy make them Look Fantastic. A prime example being the question of sock color: white is both the most classic and the most distinguished – the obvious choice. But grimy socks are only beautiful if you’re coming home from a ride, not when you’re leaving for one. So if you can’t keep them clean, then make another choice. Style.
With these concepts held firmly in our minds, the following list serves only as example situations wherein Style is applied in order to accommodate specific choices required in order to feel comfortable riding in your environment and repeating the process.
- High visibility gear. Keep it classy; you don’t have to join the Light Brigade in order to be visible. A lot of black bad-weather kit like shoe covers and rain jerseys and jackets include reflective seams which are unobtrusive when a light isn’t shining on them. I’ve used black reflective tape to cover the crank arms, chain stays, and head tube of my Nine Bike to great success. It is nearly invisible in normal conditions, but lights up light a Christmas tree when a car’s headlights shine on it.
- Flasher lights. By all means, use them – especially in rain and in low-light conditions. Front and back. But that doesn’t mean you have to affix lights permanently; find small, elegant yet bright lights that give the viewer a seizure but still only attach to your frame by rubber band so they come on and off quickly and easily. And for Merckx’s sake, take them off before photographing your bike.
- Mud Guards. A perfect example of a clear contravention of the philosophical bylaws of Rule #9, yet not being strictly banned by The Rules. If you’re going to adorn your bike in fenders, do so tastefully and make sure they are mounted properly so as to be entirely silent. And if you use mudguards, note that they look much more stylish with low-hanging mudflaps. Visual counter-balance.
- Helmets. Don’t wear them without Sunnies. This is very often neglected, and it is very distressing. They add a lot of visual weight to your head, so you need to ease it back by wearing some sweet shades. If you’re riding in the rain or cold, add a cycling cap. And if you’re riding in the rain or cold and you can’t keep wearing your cool cat shades, then tuck them into your helmet’s vents. If they don’t fit in there, buy another helmet or other shades. Again: counter-balance.
- Tights. I understand it gets cold where you live. And yes, they look worse than knee warmers or knickers. All tights make even the most rad guns look amorphic, that’s the problem with them. So you have to introduce some visual aides to break up the monolith. Leg warmers are a start over tights, with the extra seams provided by the cuffs on the bibs. Contrasting sock color is another strong move. A seam below the knees is even better. And full tights with stirrups belong in ballet class, don’t try that at home, kids.
@universo
There are just too many things wrong with that photo, except the position of the chain. It’s almost like one of those kid-menu games of “find the errors.”
You’ll note, I did not repeat that photo either.
@universo
Really? Really? Will someone please post Assos girl and balance things out?
My newest bit of cold weather kit. Lion of Flanders cover for my Lazer Helium. Meant to make the helmet more aero but added benefit of not venting cold air in/through the helmet.
@chuckp
The Lazer covers are really nice. I thought about the yellow LOF, but found a great bundle with the Genesis helmet and special edition Belgian model. It make a difference in wet/cold/wind — aero wasn’t a big consideration for me.
Now add these and you’ll be LOF literally head to toe (merino wool from PlanetX. Verrry nice…..)
@wiscot
This should negate his transgression somewhat.
hmm. Socks didn’t post…
@universo
I didn’t know Mr. Bean was a cyclist (over Pantani’s shoulder)
@Ccos
Gianni Bugno!
@Oli
I think they would have been less intimidated by Bugno thinking of him as Mr. Bean.
@teleguy57
Love the Belgian blue!
@Ccos
Haha, indeed!
@universo
‘Restraint’ and ‘Subtlety’ don’t seem to have ever made it into that man’s vocabulary…
@SamV
And in many ways bless Mario for it. Every sport needs its characters. Sagan seems to be shaping up nicely in that regard. Cav’s good. Wiggins was good. Boonen, Spartacus, Kittel I’d put on the list. After that, I’m kinda struggling to find a larger-than-life character in the peloton. Any suggestions?
@Oli
He’s looking very fresh and thin there, isn’t he! I forgot he was still racing late into the nineties.
@wiscot
I have very few words… just search for Mario Cippolini Northwave ad.
@wiscot
Excellent point. And I’m certainly not faulting him or any of them for it. It may be antithetical to my sense of style and way I conduct myself, but the characters are an important part of the sport.
@TheVid
One of my biggest regrets in life is that Coke doesn’t provide bidon’s for Le Tour anymore.
@universo
My heart still breaks for Marco. And Cipo hasn’t aged a day. Can’t wait to meet him at the Rouleur Classic!
@wiscot
Spot the fuck on, mate.
@frank
It may be selfish, but I’m glad they don’t. They belong stuck in time where they were. Maybe I feel this way because it is when I started cycling, and when I raced my best, but the 80’s were special. There was truly something magical about cycling, and especially cycling in the States in those years. It is hard to quantify with words, but it was fucking awesome. And I really don’t think it is just a flawed memory of better days, or days of youth. It was truly the best of times to be on a bike, racing, reading Winning cover to cover the day it arrived, drooling over the Performance Catalog, and watching the delayed broadcast of Greg vs. the Badger, and the 7-Eleven Team. It was the BEST. From wearing out the VHS tape of Breaking Away, to getting yelled at by my parents for getting that fucking red tubular glue in the basement carpet, I would not trade those years for anything.
@frank
I am particularly stoked for you that you get to be a special guest at something like the Rouleur Classic. It is well, well deserved and a testament to this absolutely excellent corner of the interwebs you and the other Keepers have built.
Also, I’m hoping for a spike in angry Level 4 posts following the event (as they usually follow every spike in publicity the site gets). Merckx, they are entertaining.
Good lord, I check in a sunny Friday afternoon…the fine Mario in a toadstool helmet and missing his shirt and bib shorts. Hmm, not sure about the direction this originally strong thread has taken.
Do love that Mario’s using a PRO phantom bidon for his tools; not much space to tuck them into his little marathoner shorts…
@universo
Jesus.