The Aesthete’s Choice
It has not escaped my attention that as I’ve evolved away from my original profession as a software developer and moved towards systems and solutions architecture and management, that I have tended to focus more on the theoretical aspects that support its fundamental principles rather than on the discrete activities that drive its execution. Being further removed from the work, it appears, causes one to become more philosophical about the labor.
And so it is with Cycling; the shorter days of the winter months carry with them a certain introspection that we don’t encounter during the summer when we feast on The V on a regular basis. With this perspective, it is not a wonder that Looking Fantastic has been front of mind these past few weeks. After all, Looking Fantastic, as I already said last week, is all I have at times like these. If this is starting to feel repetitive to you, then I ask your forgiveness. But I write more for my own pleasure than I do for yours, so you’ll just have to put up with it. Or stop reading; that’s an option too.
The subject of Looking Fantastic brings up an important point: what is it that allows some people to always look amazing and others to always look crap? The secret lies in the fact that Style isn’t about what you wear, but about how you wear it. Fit, placement, and the choices of what bits to combine with others are key elements, but none of it will work without a healthy dose of attitude and certain je ne sais quoi. Coppi, Bobet, Anquetil, Merckx, de Vlaeminck, Hinault, Fignon, Kelly, LeMond, Bugno, Cipollini, Millar. These are all riders who raced on teams with what is objectively ugly kit and turned them into icons of the sport.
Every day I get emails from readers who are seeking advice on what is and isn’t allowed in accordance with The Rules. What color socks are acceptable, how much yellow is needed before it becomes a YJA, are flashers allowed on a bike, are mud guards (fenders) acceptable – and what about race blades, does a rolled-up sock under the saddle make it an EPMS. (Any, any, yes, yes, yes, and yes.)
But all these questions miss the point. The first order of business is to ride our bikes. Period. The second order of business is to come home safely from the ride, so we may repeat the pattern. We all live in different environments and have differing degrees of risk we are willing to accept as part of doing The Great Work. Based on those criteria, our job as Aesthetes is not to reject them, but through some alchemy make them Look Fantastic. A prime example being the question of sock color: white is both the most classic and the most distinguished – the obvious choice. But grimy socks are only beautiful if you’re coming home from a ride, not when you’re leaving for one. So if you can’t keep them clean, then make another choice. Style.
With these concepts held firmly in our minds, the following list serves only as example situations wherein Style is applied in order to accommodate specific choices required in order to feel comfortable riding in your environment and repeating the process.
- High visibility gear. Keep it classy; you don’t have to join the Light Brigade in order to be visible. A lot of black bad-weather kit like shoe covers and rain jerseys and jackets include reflective seams which are unobtrusive when a light isn’t shining on them. I’ve used black reflective tape to cover the crank arms, chain stays, and head tube of my Nine Bike to great success. It is nearly invisible in normal conditions, but lights up light a Christmas tree when a car’s headlights shine on it.
- Flasher lights. By all means, use them – especially in rain and in low-light conditions. Front and back. But that doesn’t mean you have to affix lights permanently; find small, elegant yet bright lights that give the viewer a seizure but still only attach to your frame by rubber band so they come on and off quickly and easily. And for Merckx’s sake, take them off before photographing your bike.
- Mud Guards. A perfect example of a clear contravention of the philosophical bylaws of Rule #9, yet not being strictly banned by The Rules. If you’re going to adorn your bike in fenders, do so tastefully and make sure they are mounted properly so as to be entirely silent. And if you use mudguards, note that they look much more stylish with low-hanging mudflaps. Visual counter-balance.
- Helmets. Don’t wear them without Sunnies. This is very often neglected, and it is very distressing. They add a lot of visual weight to your head, so you need to ease it back by wearing some sweet shades. If you’re riding in the rain or cold, add a cycling cap. And if you’re riding in the rain or cold and you can’t keep wearing your cool cat shades, then tuck them into your helmet’s vents. If they don’t fit in there, buy another helmet or other shades. Again: counter-balance.
- Tights. I understand it gets cold where you live. And yes, they look worse than knee warmers or knickers. All tights make even the most rad guns look amorphic, that’s the problem with them. So you have to introduce some visual aides to break up the monolith. Leg warmers are a start over tights, with the extra seams provided by the cuffs on the bibs. Contrasting sock color is another strong move. A seam below the knees is even better. And full tights with stirrups belong in ballet class, don’t try that at home, kids.
That photo! For Merckx’s sake, Greg could make fucking anything look good!
Re YJA,
Black Castelli Gabba – end of story !
I’m a relatively recent arrival here, but it seems to me that this article instantiates a salutary appeal to the spirit, rather than the letter, if there were such a thing, of the Rules. It’s as if there’s been an apparent turning of the page from the Old Testament to the New. (Fuck both testaments, I say.)
Anyone with any fucking education or native fucking intelligence should have understood the complexity of the intent and application of the Rules. But because that’s just not so, some things need to be explained. I support that effort.
Oh, and black Castelli Gabba. Yes and yes.
@PeakInTwoYears
It like telling people in my country not to play with snakes, they all know its wrong and stupid, given that most are highly fkn deadly, but some still need to be reminded.
Thems the rules
@PeakInTwoYears
I wouldn’t go quite so far as that, apart from agreeing that people with morality don’t need religion although they may desire or enjoy it. Consider this less the New Testament and more providing some context on the vast areas of grayspace left uncovered by The Rules.
@EBruner
Seriously. The one strap on the shoes, not two. The fucking Quad Ridge. The mechanic adjusting the stops. The wind in LeMond’s hair emphasizing the speed. The passenger looking bemused at LeMond’s Casual Deliberateness given all that and his inherent knowledge that he is not cool enough to hang.
@frank
Right. I wasn’t referring to the actual, historical Testaments. I was speaking metaphorically.
Yeah, no. Actually, I disagree with myself.
My justification:
Back in the dark ages, before LED flashers were even an itch in the groin of someones bright ideas, men rode training bikes in all weather and at any time of day or night. Training bikes were not race bikes. They get dirty and stay dirty, for like six months at a time. They look used and abused. They perhaps don’t change gears properly, or brake smoothly. Most had mudguards (fenders), and some of the hardcore used dynamo lights – because battery powered lights were fucking attrocious at the time. I don’t bother racing these days, and one thing I hate is taking lights off a bike just to charge the damn battery after every early morning ride. No, I have a training bike. Who cares that it’s made from the thinnest walled oversize steel tubes from Columbus (Spirit) TIG welded to my exacting specifications, and with my name on it in scriptive font under the clear coat? I ride a bike that loves being ridden, day or night, without fuss or the need to charge a damn battery (no electronic gear shifting, thank you. Gears shift fine and for ever with steel cables.)
So, to satisfy your curiosity, I built a front wheel with a hub that includes one of the very best dynamos at this time, and have a permanently mounted headlight that is also about the best you can currently purchase. It is a neat and clean solution, illuminates the unknown on unlit roads beautifully, and never – I mean never – needs to be taken off and recharged.
(I once even rode 40km to a race, raced and won, then rode home in the dark with my dynamo light to show the way. Now that is seriously hardcore.)
I’m currently meditating on sock colour. White shoes, always, and I usually wear white socks. But I’ve been given some nice socks which are red. I tend to wear kits with plenty of red in them, but I’m really not sure about the red socks.
And I use a Yellow Gillet of Authority quite regularly but I’m not going to go on about it. When conditions require it, I’m quite happy with the appearance.
In the interests of riding all year on the wet coast, the winter bike now has fenders, better than a permanent racing stripe up my ass.Lights because at 5:30 am I not only want drivers to see me but I would like to see where I am going. Leg warmers and knickers so my knees don’t bitch at me too much. I am contemplating full tights but haven’t gone there yet, I guess it will depend on how much of a wimp I am as the weather gets colder.
Very interesting piece, Sir Frank – and for some reason it reminded me of something Bob Dylan wrote: “To live outside the law, you must be honest”. One cannot always uphold what has been accepted as the standard, perhaps, but one can at least strive to maintain as high a personal standard as can be achieved – and that also applies while riding alone and in harsh conditions, of course.
Winter here necessitates buffs…
Though The Rules can be tough to fathom for a neophyte, I find that there aren’t any grey areas and they solve all questions that cross my mind. When I’m pulling out kit for the next morning’s ride, if I’m debating on this or that, I just think about the Rules, and the problem is solved.
Even on my daily commute to work, I make sure to look awesome. After a cold, wet, snowy winter here last year (unusual for these parts) I’m setting us a SS commuter this year. Cleaning your drivetrain daily on the commuter bike ain’t no fun. Now I just have to try and fit fenders with very low tire clearance. I feel significant cursing come on…
Though is is classic, I think white socks with black shoes looks baaaaad. I’ll wear white with white or silver shoes, but my black cross shoes always get black socks. Plus, cx riding ain’t good for light colored socks.
I still need a coffee this morning, but was “je ne saix quio” intentional?
Je ne sais quoi.
S’il vous plait. :)
Let me preface this post by stating I live in Southwest Arizona, the need for leg warmers is beyond rare. I just recently acquired a pair after not having them for years…
So, how does one interface leg warmers with socks and make the whole package (Bibs, warmers, and socks) come together and look good?
What I find depressing is that the number of roadies with serious Rules violations are much greater than the number doing it right. Seems like we’re lacking a middle ground. I either see local roadies who fancy themselves as PROs but are trying too hard and lack style, or folks who look like they just picked up everything they own at the local chain bike shop last weekend.
Where are all the Casually Deliberate folks with both appreciation for fine bikes and some classiness?
@frank
And don’t forget the sweet shades, bulging neck artery, and the can of coke poking out of the back pocket
@Coach Props
Or the fact that the passenger has pulled in the rear view mirror so that it will not impede LeMan in any way. That’s attention to detail.
@frank
Delta’s. Perhaps Greg is using the car to slow down !
@frank
And the double Coke bidons sitting in their cages, personified as if to say, “We can now be considered fantastic, now that Leman has allowed us to grace his steed while he crushes souls.”
Lemann looks like he is being held back not pushed! The image of a coiled spring.
To quote one of the great literary masterpieces of our time, there is a fundamental ‘theology and geometry’ inherent in one who truly obeys the rules.
One just wears / adorns the bike with what works to propel the mind forward – nothing more / nothing less. Thousands of hours at the Great Work hone this to perfection.
May I just say that LeMan IS possibly the coolest person I’ve EVER seen…
EVER
I fucking MEAN it. And the Z kit is the coolest WC version too
@Clips and Straps
My Deltas have improved significantly with new pads, new housing, new cables. Apparently Campa is producing the blocks again, so you don’t even have to deal with NOS. Sure, nothing like a modern caliper, but they aren’t awful…
And can we talk shades again. I still love basic M Frames and I also love Radars. Are the new Radars, new M’s, or these Jawbreakers really that much better?
Alas, as the light fades in the Northern Hemisphere, so do some of the rules. While I understand the “No Tights” stance from a purely Aesthete’s viewpoint, we above the 49th have to accommodate mother nature to get our rides in and therefore the “No Tights” rule has become null and void in Canada according to a Parlimentary decree.
@nobby
Absolutely! Greg looks the shit in the photo like no other. I fucking loved watching him race in the 80’s.
Dear Fronk.
Where I live, in West Baloneybeater it’s necessary to ride wearing suspenders and a high vis, full length beard for 11 months of the year. Can I have a Rules exemption for these minor transgressions if I win Gent – Wevelgem next spring?
P.S. I love Velominati and all it stands for.
Black Castelli Gabba jersey – regular, long sleeve, or convertible.
Over the years I have had the good fortune to don some of the finest gear for climbing, skiing, kayaking… you name it. From the first ride, the Gabba jersey cemented it’s place at the upper echelons in the pantheon of gear – for any sport.
Gabba jersey, some Nanoflex Bibshorts, and an ass-saver – bring on the Fuckness
Completely pendantic but that’s his external jugular bulging there (coursing with the V no doubt).
@Coach Props
LeMan is ready to explode off the launch pad as soon as the rear mech is adjusted. I can’t get enough of this photo. It’s fucking oozing machismo.
@PeakInTwoYears
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
@EBruner
Anyone who can pull off Scott Drop-In’s and Campy Delta brakes on the same bike and look good doing it is serious business.
@Ron
Refer bold print
Mostly on this site !
Just imagine if we could somehow get @frank and @Gianni & @brett to get us all in one place at the same time. Combined with fine ales.
This calls for a global cogal.
@frank , break out the credit card, you’ve got some airfares to arrange.
@EBruner
I thought the car was having transmission problems, and LeMond was getting ready to drag it to the shop.
@Goob
There is no Rule against tights.
Refer to Rule #1.
@DeKerr
to feel even better, need a sale happening with gabba
@RobSandy
No tights is an unspoken rule. Never speak of it.
@cognition
*…small and dense, I contain kilograms.
The first order of business is to ride our bikes. Period. The second order of business is to come home safely from the ride, so we may repeat the pattern.
The rest is just details.
@universo
Well if we’re talking tights tights, then they are the ones that cover legs and feet, and should only be worn when crossdressing.
If we mean ‘footless’ tights then they are leggings and for cold weather I don’t see any problem with leggings at all -they look the same as leg warmers but don’t bloody fall down.
god I need to lose weight this winter. can’t fit into last years tights. ooff. no more beer. fuck. arrghh. thank you frank
@RobSandy
Santini refers to them as tights. They are tights. These are referred to as men’s leggings.
@universo
I’m going to hit “reply” and not “quote” as those images should never be seen again. Cipo did it first, and Cipo did it best.
@wiscot
Cipo should have done it last, too.
@SamV
not even mario
@DeKerr
THIS. I will never tire of singing praises to the Gabba. The _only_ article of clothing I love more than my Gabba jersey is the Goretex drysuit that keeps me alive while kayaking (sometimes upside down) in cold-ass saltwater–and that’s not a matter of comfort but of survival. Which means I really adore my Gabba jersey.
@SamV
+1
Bib-tights… as with most things, context is everything. In general bib-tights are bad for obvious reasons in the same way that tri-athletes are panache free:
However at least here in western Europe there are times when wearing bib-tights is ok…
The wearing of bib-tights herald the beginning of winter training. Long slow spins with club/team mates to a cafe / waffle house & back where the sight of blue legs is not bueno.
Bib-tights can only be worn on #9 bike. To defile your race bike with tights is mortal sin.
& other than that its better to keep bib-tight wearing to the bed room …………..
Around here (during hunting season) we have to wear bright orange when riding in the woods. Its a small price to pay for not coming home with a few arrows in your back (it’s bow season right now).