Categories: FolkloreLa Vie VelominatusThe HardmenThe RulesTradition

The Fasting Ride

Today is a good day to ride.

I’ve been doing fasting rides on the weekend, before breakfast and maybe also before lunch, depending on how long the ride is. The longer the ride, the lower the intensity. Also the more likely I am to meet my old friend, the Man with the Hammer. I might bring an Emergency Gel, in its glass tube, but I never use it, no matter how enthusiastic his visit is.

I love the hollow feeling you get just before his visits; it sharpens your senses and brings out an awareness that is hard to achieve with a sated belly. I’ve read that mountaineers experience euphoric hallucinations when they are on the verge of collapse, high up on some Merckx-forsaken snowy mountaintop. Similarly, La Volupté seems to make her appearances just prior to our own collapse, like a siren calling our ship to the rocks where her lover lies in wait with hammer lifted high.

The impulse is strong to avoid the dreaded bonk; we feel weak and if we’re riding in a group we will be unable to hold the wheel in front of us. It is not a pleasant experience. But when we continue riding in this state, the body will eventually adjust and find a way to carry on, albeit at a lower pace. Where prior to the collapse we felt a special awareness, afterwards there is a special numbness; a cloudy haze clings to us, insulating us from external stimuli. There is only us, the bike, and the road before us.

In these moments, the body becomes an automaton; the mind still works but its connection to the legs has been severed. The hands push the shifters and pull on the brakes as needed almost without influence from the head. This is for the simple reason that thinking is the least valuable thing one can do at times like this. Thinking will only lead one to become aware of the suffering. Thinking will only lead to wondering why we are putting ourselves through this. Thinking will only lead us to consider making a phone call to be collected in a heap at the roadside.

None of those thoughts will make us a better Cyclist.

I have had my espresso this morning; I am ready to ride. I look out the window and see the rain drawing its shifting patterns on the street outside my house. My phone tells me what the temperature is, but it does not tell me how cold it is. Only the ride will tell me how cold it is.

Today, I set out to meet my old friend once again; the rain will make his visit all the more brutal. Today is a good day to ride.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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DavyMuur says:

Feb 25 2016 at 11:36 am

@Oli

I like a good bonk in the morning.

Nice one, Oli.

Well yeah, if you're not getting the occasional bonk, then you're not pushing yourself hard enough. No pun intended. Think it was Guy Martin said (in relation to motorcycle road racing): if you're not crashing, you're not going hard enough. Same kind of thing really. I'm no stranger to the man with the hammer, believe me, but I wouldn't go out of my way to meet him.

Thought the top photo looked recent at first glance, but then is that a delta rear brake? 89-90?
Teocalli says:

Feb 25 2016 at 11:42 am

@universo

Making plans to meet Chioccioli at the Giro d’Italia 100˚ next year.

Has he got seriously skinny arms or are those leg warmers?
Ron says:

Feb 25 2016 at 12:08 pm

They're the arms off a tryathlete wetsuit, by the looks of them.

I wanna see more of that engraved Delta...
universo says:

Feb 25 2016 at 12:34 pm

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

Holy FUCK, that lead photo is AMAZING! I need a shit-ton more details on that photo. What race? What year? What rider? (unless that is what @universe was talking about with his Franco Chioccioli comment). Not the Gavia in ’88, is it?

Stage 14 of the Giro d”italia on Sunday, June 5th,1988: Chiesa Valmalenco – Bormio, 120 km. At the end of Stage 13, Franco Chioccioli (Del Tongo) was in pink leading Urs Zimmerman by 33 seconds. Andy Hampsten was 5th overall at 1:18.

Stage 14 was the now legendary Gavia stage won by Erik Breukink by 7 seconds from Hampsten. By day’s end, Hampsten was in pink, Chioccioli was 3rd at 3:54! Hampsten was the beneficiary of smart planning by his coach who anticipated the weather and made sure his riders were as well dressed as possible with gloves and hats. No so for poor Franco whose DS had no hat, gloves or warm jersey for his rider. Result? an almost 5 minute loss on the stage and his Giro hopes destroyed.

I’ve also run across Chioccioli’s account that his own team was denying him the race that year. His support car went back to help another Del Tongo rider at the critical moments of this stage. Who knows, his directeur sportif may have stuffed a leg into those arm warmers before handing them to Chioccioli.
wiscot says:

Feb 25 2016 at 12:51 pm

@universo

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

Holy FUCK, that lead photo is AMAZING! I need a shit-ton more details on that photo. What race? What year? What rider? (unless that is what @universe was talking about with his Franco Chioccioli comment). Not the Gavia in ’88, is it?

Stage 14 of the Giro d”italia on Sunday, June 5th,1988: Chiesa Valmalenco – Bormio, 120 km. At the end of Stage 13, Franco Chioccioli (Del Tongo) was in pink leading Urs Zimmerman by 33 seconds. Andy Hampsten was 5th overall at 1:18.

Stage 14 was the now legendary Gavia stage won by Erik Breukink by 7 seconds from Hampsten. By day’s end, Hampsten was in pink, Chioccioli was 3rd at 3:54! Hampsten was the beneficiary of smart planning by his coach who anticipated the weather and made sure his riders were as well dressed as possible with gloves and hats. No so for poor Franco whose DS had no hat, gloves or warm jersey for his rider. Result? an almost 5 minute loss on the stage and his Giro hopes destroyed.

I’ve also run across Chioccioli’s account that his own team was denying him the race that year. His support car went back to help another Del Tongo rider at the critical moments of this stage. Who knows, his directeur sportif may have stuffed a leg into those arm warmers before handing them to Chioccioli.

Yeah, for some reason, despite having a man in pink, the Del Tongo DS was back with Flavio Giupponi (who eventually finished 4th overall) instead of being with their main man. Crazy! I could understand it if the rider in pink was non Italian, but he was Italian! Chioccioli said was was only 40 seconds down on Hampsten at the Gavia summit and that with proper support and gear he could have kept pink. Gotta love the Giro!
DavyMuur says:

Feb 25 2016 at 1:19 pm

@DavyMuur

Thought the top photo looked recent at first glance, but then is that a delta rear brake? 89-90?

Disregard. Just twigged the other photos/comments. Got to stop having these blonde moments!
Krames says:

Feb 25 2016 at 1:42 pm

While new to cycling, I'm not sure I've ever really met The man with The hammer, but I'm pretty sure I've been in his neighborhood. Great read Frank, thanks!
CORSEDK says:

Feb 25 2016 at 2:28 pm

The man with the hammer 500 meter from top of mont ventoux could not push the pedal anymore......Nothing nice for me. MWTH not good news for me i need to stop and refueling.

Great article
Buck Rogers says:

Feb 25 2016 at 2:31 pm

@Ron

tryathlete

Oh fuck, that is funny! I have never seen that version before. Now I'll quietly exit before setting of the "Swim, Bike, Run ... We're good at none" debates!
Barracuda says:

Feb 25 2016 at 2:33 pm

@universo

Planning to ride Passo di Gavia in my lifetime, so why not 2017. Hoping to have pedale forchetta with me and all others willing to go.

I'm willing to go. Sponsorship anyone ?