Categories: FolkloreLa Vie VelominatusThe HardmenThe RulesTradition

The Fasting Ride

Today is a good day to ride.

I’ve been doing fasting rides on the weekend, before breakfast and maybe also before lunch, depending on how long the ride is. The longer the ride, the lower the intensity. Also the more likely I am to meet my old friend, the Man with the Hammer. I might bring an Emergency Gel, in its glass tube, but I never use it, no matter how enthusiastic his visit is.

I love the hollow feeling you get just before his visits; it sharpens your senses and brings out an awareness that is hard to achieve with a sated belly. I’ve read that mountaineers experience euphoric hallucinations when they are on the verge of collapse, high up on some Merckx-forsaken snowy mountaintop. Similarly, La Volupté seems to make her appearances just prior to our own collapse, like a siren calling our ship to the rocks where her lover lies in wait with hammer lifted high.

The impulse is strong to avoid the dreaded bonk; we feel weak and if we’re riding in a group we will be unable to hold the wheel in front of us. It is not a pleasant experience. But when we continue riding in this state, the body will eventually adjust and find a way to carry on, albeit at a lower pace. Where prior to the collapse we felt a special awareness, afterwards there is a special numbness; a cloudy haze clings to us, insulating us from external stimuli. There is only us, the bike, and the road before us.

In these moments, the body becomes an automaton; the mind still works but its connection to the legs has been severed. The hands push the shifters and pull on the brakes as needed almost without influence from the head. This is for the simple reason that thinking is the least valuable thing one can do at times like this. Thinking will only lead one to become aware of the suffering. Thinking will only lead to wondering why we are putting ourselves through this. Thinking will only lead us to consider making a phone call to be collected in a heap at the roadside.

None of those thoughts will make us a better Cyclist.

I have had my espresso this morning; I am ready to ride. I look out the window and see the rain drawing its shifting patterns on the street outside my house. My phone tells me what the temperature is, but it does not tell me how cold it is. Only the ride will tell me how cold it is.

Today, I set out to meet my old friend once again; the rain will make his visit all the more brutal. Today is a good day to ride.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next Shit Gets Real »

Previous « Fendangelism

View Comments

chris says:

Feb 26 2016 at 8:32 am

@Buck Rogers

@Harminator

Definitely. I’ll be about 25 miles from the French border and about 2.5 hours from Liege. Spring Classics 2017, here I come!!!

How about a malted recovery beverage based V-social taking in the Zesdaagse Vlaanderen-Gent and whichever of the big Belgian cross events they hold on the same weekend?
DeKerr says:

Feb 26 2016 at 9:25 am

@Mikael Liddy

If ever @Frank needed further proof that no one actually reads the details in the article, this is it. FFS people, he’s not prescribing a bonk seeking ride before work/other commitments!

These are for the weekend days where the first half of the day can be dedicated to riding, the second half to cleaning up from the ride & then lying on the couch moaning about the guns…which is where having a fellow cyclist as your significant other, and a distinct lack of children comes in handy.

I'm glad somebody got to it before me. It's a dangerous dance with the Masturbation Principle to start posting along the lines of "Oh, I'd never do that because this one time, at band camp..."
eenies says:

Feb 26 2016 at 9:35 am

@Ron

Whenever I see a pro (cyclist not streetwalker) I always think, Fuck, they are skinny. Fuck. they look young, Fuck, they look fit. Fuck, they look fantastic (unless they are in Astana kit.)

I suspect that for a pro it's more of a fasting life rather than the odd fasted ride.
Johnny Mac says:

Feb 26 2016 at 10:10 am

@Ron

I understand what you're saying. As a younger man I was a keen rower. Trained 7-days a week, was involved with crews who had Oarsmen in the GB Squad, was coached by an ex-Olympic Gold Medalist and GB Squad Coach, but ultimately didn't have the size or weight to put out the power required to make it to the top (most high level Oarsmen are beasts); and having Asthma didn't help. I often think there's a correlation between the only sports I've ever been any good at, rowing & cycling - both are ultimately down to individual effort even though you might be part of a team, both take you a very long way into the Pain Cave, and both give you the ability to exhaust yourself beyond the point where other athletes would simply fall over, because your body weight is being supported by a seat. I guess cyclists are in some way all masochists at heart.
wiscot says:

Feb 26 2016 at 10:45 am

@Johnny Mac

@Ron

I understand what you’re saying. As a younger man I was a keen rower. Trained 7-days a week, was involved with crews who had Oarsmen in the GB Squad, was coached by an ex-Olympic Gold Medalist and GB Squad Coach, but ultimately didn’t have the size or weight to put out the power required to make it to the top (most high level Oarsmen are beasts); and having Asthma didn’t help. I often think there’s a correlation between the only sports I’ve ever been any good at, rowing & cycling – both are ultimately down to individual effort even though you might be part of a team, both take you a very long way into the Pain Cave, and both give you the ability to exhaust yourself beyond the point where other athletes would simply fall over, because your body weight is being supported by a seat. I guess cyclists are in some way all masochists at heart.

If you haven't read Boys in the Boat, do so. You'll appreciate it with your rowing background. It's a ripping yarn to be sure and why it's not been made into a movie yet is beyond me. Good Americans vs Bad Nazis, scrappy underdogs vs Ivy League, wrong side of tracks against top of the hill.
Ron says:

Feb 26 2016 at 11:10 am

Johnny Mac - yup, I think most folks can get pretty darn good through effort. But there is a ceiling that's really, really hard to clear at some point. I can be comfortable in knowing I got everything out of my not-that-big, not-that-strong, not-that-fast body. As you know from being around the elites, they just have something else. In my final collegiate year I played against one of the best who has ever played. I'm both quick and fast but when I tried to catch that guy...no chance. That is what makes professionals a) incredible in their own right b) those who make the other pros look so-so truly a thing to behold.

I played all ball/team sports. If you'd have told me I'd like cycling, I'd have told you that you were crazy. So much of what I did - lifting weights, crashing into other people, tugs and pulls, stepping on a foot to gain an advantage - is not present in cycling. Sure, there is trickery, but very little contact and the pain is inflicted without any contact.

Still, I think if you learn to compete and learn to suffer while training, and in games, putting up with pain, weariness, injuries. Well, I think you can be good at most sports, with some time put in. Not wanting to lose is transferable across sports.
Ron says:

Feb 26 2016 at 11:15 am

Mikael - I have just about two months left for riding most of the day, lounging and Recovering with beverages the rest of the day. Then it is...newborn time. I know I'm in for some serious changes BUT the VMH is awesome about understanding that I need to get out of the house and exercise, even a bit, daily.

eenies - I'm okay not being PRO skinny. The downside is that unless you are very slim, you always look like a lard ass in Lycra. The upside is that you can do things like use a shovel, swing a hammer, shovel snow.
DavyMuur says:

Feb 26 2016 at 12:27 pm

@Ron

Mikael – I have just about two months left for riding most of the day, lounging and Recovering with beverages the rest of the day. Then it is…newborn time. I know I’m in for some serious changes BUT the VMH is awesome about understanding that I need to get out of the house and exercise, even a bit, daily.

eenies – I’m okay not being PRO skinny. The downside is that unless you are very slim, you always look like a lard ass in Lycra. The upside is that you can do things like use a shovel, swing a hammer, shovel snow.

Make the most of those two months, Ron. Have a six month old baby daughter, and although it doesn't become impossible to get out, it does become significantly more difficult. Although you would have the advantage of the summer months upcoming. We had a pretty miserable winter with heavy flooding which didn't help the cause greatly though.

Congratulations and best wishes for the new arrival!
Johnny Mac says:

Feb 27 2016 at 4:29 am

@wiscot

@Johnny Mac

@Ron

I understand what you’re saying. As a younger man I was a keen rower. Trained 7-days a week, was involved with crews who had Oarsmen in the GB Squad, was coached by an ex-Olympic Gold Medalist and GB Squad Coach, but ultimately didn’t have the size or weight to put out the power required to make it to the top (most high level Oarsmen are beasts); and having Asthma didn’t help. I often think there’s a correlation between the only sports I’ve ever been any good at, rowing & cycling – both are ultimately down to individual effort even though you might be part of a team, both take you a very long way into the Pain Cave, and both give you the ability to exhaust yourself beyond the point where other athletes would simply fall over, because your body weight is being supported by a seat. I guess cyclists are in some way all masochists at heart.

If you haven’t read Boys in the Boat, do so. You’ll appreciate it with your rowing background. It’s a ripping yarn to be sure and why it’s not been made into a movie yet is beyond me. Good Americans vs Bad Nazis, scrappy underdogs vs Ivy League, wrong side of tracks against top of the hill.

Thanks - I'll give it a go. I guess good movies about rowing are even rarer than good ones about cycling.
Mikael Liddy says:

Feb 28 2016 at 9:10 pm

@DavyMuur

@Ron

Mikael – I have just about two months left for riding most of the day, lounging and Recovering with beverages the rest of the day. Then it is…newborn time. I know I’m in for some serious changes BUT the VMH is awesome about understanding that I need to get out of the house and exercise, even a bit, daily.

eenies – I’m okay not being PRO skinny. The downside is that unless you are very slim, you always look like a lard ass in Lycra. The upside is that you can do things like use a shovel, swing a hammer, shovel snow.

Make the most of those two months, Ron. Have a six month old baby daughter, and although it doesn’t become impossible to get out, it does become significantly more difficult. Although you would have the advantage of the summer months upcoming. We had a pretty miserable winter with heavy flooding which didn’t help the cause greatly though.

Congratulations and best wishes for the new arrival!

Congrats to both of you! Davy's right about it not being impossible, but you'll learn to love your lights. I've found the riding time that has the least impact at home tends to be before work, that is once you've perfected your ninja sneak to get out of the house without waking the bub (or bubs in my case).