It's been an interesting week in the Velominati Archives of Awesomeness, after a freak discovery of boxes containing “photographs”. After conducting some research, we've come to understand that “photographs” are like pictures, except they are stored neither on the Geekbox nor on the Interwebs, but instead reside on a special kind of shiny paper that tastes funny.
It's a rough ride down memory lane, this, where I'm forced to reconcile what I remember of the past and what is shown in these photos. Here I am, roulin' dirty in my Briko Shots and longish hair, on my beloved Schwinn Whateverthefuck. I don't look nearly as cool as I remember.
It was a completely old-school steel frame with a long wheelbase, borne from the fires of innovation ignited in Marin County. When I first became acquainted with it, it was a bit of a clumsy thing with its long wheel base and tall head tube, but I slapped a road stem on it (which I drilled out for a cable stop) for some good, low-shoulder stability, and a first-generation Rock-Shox. I surmise the frame was made of sand-filled tubes, yet the long wheelbase meant it climbed and descended like it was on fucking rails. Together, we rode some of the most technical singletrack imaginable. And, it being the early Nineties, I naturally knocked on a set of LeMond-inspired Scott AT-4's to get nice and low for a convenient alternative to suicide.
My Merckx, I loved that thing.
When we merge our past and present, we turn up all kinds of delightful conflicts; little bits from the past always turn up which don't fit into the puzzle quite how we remember them and force us to relive those brief moments. Number One Bike Shop Buddy, Saul from SpeedyReedy, sent me a few pictures of himself racing: one of him on his old favorite, a GT Avalanche, and one pushing it LeMond-style at his local State Road Race Championships. After sending me his old Campy downtube shifter, our own Gianni sent me a shot of his young self, riding the Bella which housed that selfsame shifter – taken, I'm guessing, only a few days after Humans invented the Wheel. These are the moments of La Vie Velominatus; Cycling is a lifelong endeavor.
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@Dan O
I think Cyclops is on to something.
But, Dan O, I sense a history far more sinister. I see fear fused with excitement. Someone pursues you.
No, no. It's more than just one person. It's a group. A hoard. You ride to escape. Who are they? And what do they want from you?
Ah. The Past speaks to me. You are chased by a band of bikini-clad Velomihotties whose collective desire is to enslave you and satiate their voracious sexual appetites. Oh, and they ride matching Ritchey Palo Altos.
Such is the magnetic power of OP shorts with matching tube socks.
So who won?
BTW, I like how you matched your bidon with your kit. Quite sharp.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Horde. I meant to type horde. Not like a hoard of gold, but like a mongrel horde. No, no. Not mongrels. This was a scorchingly hot horde.
And Cyclops is ONTO something.
And what's with my use of "matching" and "matched" so many times and so close together? Can't I come up with a better word? How about "color-coordinated"?
Oh, fuck it.
@Dan O
This pic is most excellent.
@Dan O
Incredibly rad picture. That was a really cool time; I got into it just a little after that, but it was really cool to be at the sharp end of the stick, trying to figure out how to ride things not many people had ever done before.
You had people like Jacquie Phelan riding the shit out of all these men who thought they had the sport figured out. So cool.
The Charlie Cunningham bike she rode - Otto - was a pretty freaky contraption:
@Cyclops and Jeff
Even with the allure of OP shorts and tube socks, no chasing group of bikini clad women to be found - on foot or classic Ritchey mountain bikes. However, my girlfriend - who later become my wife - took the photo. Maybe it did have something to do with the OP shorts and tube socks after all.
Yes, I did try and match the kit at the time. Tube sock color bands match the bike, t-shirt, and water bottle. The gloves also match the shorts. Pretty damn sad, though kinda cool also.
@Frank
Phelan was awesome - welcome to old school mountain bike freak town - as was that Cunningham bike she rode. Bicycle Quarterly magazine did a great write on that bike and interview with Phelan and Cunningham about a year ago. Super cool interesting and talented folks - totally out of the mainstream. I dig it.
So then you DID get laid right after the picture was taken. I knew it.
@Dan O
Really? No bikini clad horde deftly handling Ritcheys? Hmmmm.
Ouch. My bad. I thought I had a psychic moment. (That's embarrassing. I've got to stop drinking Chimay for breakfast.)
@frank
Frank. Look more closely. The "men" with Jacquie aren't men. Well, not then. One or two of them might be by now.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Right you are. Although the dudette mid-crash may be riding the same Schwinn I'm riding in the main pic of the article. Coincidence?
Nothing can explain Rove