Window Shopping

If you're not window shopping, you're lying.

One of the great dichotomies of being a Cyclist is that of our commitment to suffering paired against our fastidious attention to our appearance. We sacrifice endlessly for the sake of our craft, suffering hours on end in horrendous weather and diverting any money saved on depriving ourselves of food into maintaining and improving our equipment. At the same time, our morale hangs in the balance, governed by the silence of the machine we ride, the precision and coordination of our kit, or the state of our handlebar tape.

It has long fascinated me, the control that morale holds over our condition as riders. Training is obviously a fundamental component to our performance, but the edge of our form is sharpened or blunted by our mental state. Bad weather is a major lever for me personally; the more rubbish the weather, the better I feel about myself just for being out there and thus the better I ride. Which brings to light the underlying principle: it isn’t about vanity as much as it is about genuinely feeling good about ourselves, an idea concisely captured by Fournel’s Theorem: to look good is already to go fast.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I take great pride and put a tremendous amount of energy into my appearance, both on the bike and off. Don Walker, who built my Hour track bike, remarked that if I spent half as much time training as I did worrying about the paint job, I’d stand half a chance at beating the record. (That’s two halves, are they additive or multiplicative?) The notion is nonsense, of course, although the observation does have a certain logical resonance. But what he is missing is the amount of Awesome I’ll feel climbing aboard the bike with matching VLVV skin suit; enough Awesome to power ten morons, plus two. You can’t train against that kind of Awesome, you have to fabricate it.

When out training, I shamelessly peer into every plate glass window I encounter, taking in how Fantastic I Look. In fleeting observations more akin to stop-action motion than live-film, I study my position, my weight, my stroke, and how my kit looks and fits. I’ll repeat this: shamelessly. And I’m willing to bet you do, too, even if you’re not willing to admit to it as flagrantly as I am. We never get to see ourselves busily at work at our craft; who doesn’t like a serendipitous acknowledgement of the fruits of our labor?

If you’re not window shopping, you’re doing it wrong. Or you’re lying.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 12:56 pm

@Oli

In case Frank misses @PeakInTwoYears and my subtle digs, you mean “blatantly”, bud. *winky-face emoji*

Or blatantly! What a gigantic brain fart that was. Funny thread here as a result, got me chuckling a bit for sure.
frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 12:57 pm

@wilburrox

enough awesome to power ten morons plus two ??? That is muy classic but I can’t help but think of:

which of course, as everyone knows, rep’s the strength of ten grinches plus two. And that’s a lotta grinch power. Moron power or grinch power? I’ll take the green fuzzy dude. I wouldn’t mind being a grinch. At the end of the day, the grinch is/was a pretty cool cat. But a moron? No thanks.

Cheers!

I didn't want to call myself a Grinch, but I'm delighted you caught the reference.
frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 1:00 pm

@Haldy

@frank–

Does this mean I should station a few mirrors around the track during your Hour…so you can keep reminding yourself how Fantastic you look…and therefore be reminded to try and keep the speed up?

During your training…will you position your rollers near a mirror?

They arrive on Tuesday, courtesy of @Marko. And yes, I will have a mirror. I'm not a savage, after all.
frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 1:02 pm

@Ron

Frank – are those the Jawbreakers? File a report, if so! Have they outdone the Radars? I find that hard to believe, as the Radars are fucking incredible cycling shades.

They are custom Jawbreakers. I've got both the new Radar EV's and Jawbreakers and love them both. Prefer the Jawbreakers just because of my giant face and how they look on it. But they get a tad warm so use the Radar EV's in warmer conditions or more stop-start conditions like CX.
teleguy57 says:

Mar 24 2016 at 1:03 pm

@wiscot

As for windows, not many around my way, but coming home through Kewaskum offers several big glass storefronts. It’s eyes right heading home, eyes left heading out.

Ah, so there is a reason to go through Kewaskum!

Also guilty as all the rest here. Re: watching shadows, I'm always wondering if the angle of the sun/ground etc is making me look better or worse that the real thing.... but I never fail to at least go for a glance.
RedRanger says:

Mar 24 2016 at 1:03 pm

next time pick a cleaner window
frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 1:06 pm

@Mitch

“Is my back flat?” “How’s my leg extension?” “Heels down?”

Not a fan of using the term “moron” however ….

Now we can't use moron? This madness has to stop!

@Buck Rogers

Fuck, man! Between all the Selfies you take and now all the “Window Shopping” you’re admitting to, it is a fuck’in miracle that you have not ridden off a cliff or into a pond yet.

But, that being said, when we look this glorious, it is distracting, isn’t it???

When you look this good, it's our responsibility to spread the love around!
wiscot says:

Mar 24 2016 at 2:39 pm

@teleguy57

@wiscot

As for windows, not many around my way, but coming home through Kewaskum offers several big glass storefronts. It’s eyes right heading home, eyes left heading out.

Ah, so there is a reason to go through Kewaskum!

Also guilty as all the rest here. Re: watching shadows, I’m always wondering if the angle of the sun/ground etc is making me look better or worse that the real thing…. but I never fail to at least go for a glance.

A reason? It's the "Gateway to the Kettle Moraine"! It's also on the way to/from some of the best low level traffic riding around!

If my shadow looks bad, it's never my fault, it's the angle of the sun.
frank says:

Mar 24 2016 at 3:06 pm

@RedRanger

next time pick a cleaner window

This is Seattle. No rain, Sun, or a clean window. Pick two.
Teocalli says:

Mar 24 2016 at 3:37 pm

Pretty much down to summer weight, getting in a bit of altitude training but not many shop windows around here.