V And V Makes VV: Haleakala Round IIV

2743.2m above sea level – starting from 0m – and about 300m to go.

I can’t really call it an obsession. If it was an obsession, I would have commissioned a bloke I’ve never met to build me a set of ultra-light wheels and I would have spent an outrageous amount of money to upgrade my handlebars in an identical shape from aluminum to carbon in an effort to shave a few grams off the top end of my machine. After all, science has proven that buying lighter gear is a more effective strategy for climbing faster than that weight-weenie bullshit like quitting beer or steak. 

Alright, so maybe I’m obsessed. But it’s not an all-consuming obsession – not obsessive obsession. Its more like a weighty thought that bends all the other less weighty thoughts towards it, like Einstein described why gravity bends light. It started less than a single Cognitive Unit after the VMH informed me of my time up the mountain on Part Deux. (A Cognitive Unit, obviously, is the unit of time it takes one to process any piece of information after the dishing up of a massive helping of Rule V.) It was around that time that my thoughts started warping towards riding Haleakala again – faster.

It started in low, then it started to grow. No, I’m not quoting How the Grinch Stole Christmas; I’m describing what happened after my gut was accosted by the Holiday Season. I’m fat, I’m out of shape, and I’m slow. What training I’ve been doing has been done in Seattle around the freezing point in stubbornly wet weather. Maui, on the other hand, insists on having warm weather – something I’m unaccustomed to – and the forecast for the coming week is hot, hot, and hotter. Despite Ryder Hesjedal setting the record up the climb during this time of year, the conventional wisdom around these here parts is that this is the worst time of year to try for a personal record up Haleakala.

You will understand, then, that this is the perfect time for me to leave a lung or two on Crater Road for the third time running. Assuming the weather holds and D.S. @Gianni, Coach VMH (whose “coaching” consists mostly of chastising and comparing me to small and adorable yet unwanted rodents), and @MauiBike fail to come up with compelling reasons to move the effort to another date, I will be visiting Pele for the third time on New Years Day, 2013.

Prognosticate on my upcoming ride at your own risk. For your reading and viewing entertainment, the two previous editions of Frank vs. The Volcano are provided here: Frank vs. The Volcano // Frank vs. The Volcano, Part Deux.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • 3.39.55 Good luck Frank.

    My new years day ride was awful. I was drinking til 2 last night, then was up with the kids at 7am. Despite this I didn't seem to have a hangover so I set off along the English South coast to tackle Beachy Head. I was fine for the first two hours but then started to feel terrible and could barely turn the pedals or lift my head up from staring at my front wheel. It took nearly 3 hours to cover the 65km to get home where I puked violently all over the bathroom.

    I've since had sleep, got cleaned up and feel fine.

    I might have a beer. Happy new year everyone.

  • As a symbolic (sacramental?) gesture recognizing Frank's effort today, I did 10 in-town hill repeats representing 1,000 ft elevation gain each (av 6% grade kicking up to 24% at the top).

    Frank: May the Prophet be with thee. A-Merckx...and so shall it be.

    Happy New Year to All.

  • @Gianni

    @G'rilla

    He notices everything! He wants to redo my handlebar tape because I didn't remove the 3"³ end of the fi'zi:k tape without holes in it.

    What is it with the 3" end on both ends? I have consulted http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/tape-o-philia/ & http://www.velominati.com/nostalgia/ride-like-a-leader-white-bar-tape to no avail.

    One end is fine for cutting an approved lead in to wrap, but why both ends?

    It's hard enough deciding if should wrap inwards at the top, or out, getting the neat finish as per frank's photos, ...

    And why do they supply black bar ends with white tape? Do I spray them silver or white?

  • 3hrs 24mins. He's actually been training quite hard with that longer commute...

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