Categories: Guest ArticleVelominati Super Prestige

Guest Article: Cyclops VSP

Cyclops pulling the group through the left hander

The Velominati Super Prestige has historically been the work of professional bike races. We focus on the Pro races for a simple reason: we know the races and riders, so Schleculating on where our favorite riders will finish becomes a left-brain/right-brain kind of confused mess that ends with our picks looking more Picasso than they do Rembrandt.

With that, we have our first VSP event for a community member’s race as Cyclops subjects himself to your predictions for where he will finish in Saturday’s race. Assuming you don’t know any of the other racers riding in the Allan Butler Memorial Critierium, we’re focussed on only one rider: Cyclops; enter his name into whichever place in the top five you think he’ll finish. Points are awarded as usual, with 5 for first, 4 for second, 3 for third, 2 for fourth, and 1 for fifth, with a point going to anyone who gets him in the top five but not in the right place.

As for any other community members who have a race coming up and are willing to add the pressure of meeting the expectations of our community to that you already have of validating your family’s love by meeting their expectations; send us the details about your event and, depending on the timing, we’ll run a VSP for you as well.

Yours in Cycling,

Frank

—

I guess since I’m the most masochistic (actually I think narcissistic is probably closer to the truth) of the Velominati and enjoy putting myself out there for public berating, Frank thought a Super Prestige with a twist might be in order. This coming July 9th is our local downtown criterium. The Allan Butler Memorial Criterium was started after a local racer was struck and killed by a taxi while crossing the street in Las Vegas at the Interbike show a few years ago.

The Cyclops VSP will consist of merely trying to guess what place I will finish in the event. To help you make a semi-informed guess I’ll give you a little background on me and my racing.

I’ll be turning 50 years old in early August.
I started road racing two seasons ago.
I’m a Cat 5.
I was really into BMX racing and won the ’96 Idaho State Championship for 31-35 Year Old Cruiser.
Southeast Idaho is not a huge hotbed for road racing but since I began racing I have always placed at least equal to or higher than the previous race*
I finished 5th in the last race I entered.
Last year I finished 13th in my class in the Allan Butler Crit.
I have been told by a lot of people that I am riding much stronger than I was last year.
I plan on going off the front right at the beginning of the race.

So there you have it. Good Luck!

*Not counting a DNF at last year’s Boise Twilight Criterium when my rear wheel was hit from behind and had half its spokes ripped out.

Cyclops

I really like riding road bikes as fast as possible. I live in Lexington, KY so here is a standing offer to anybody coming my way: Need a place to crash, need a steak grilled to perfection, need a beer you can't see through, need your wheels trued, need theological insight? I'll hook you up. Just get a hold of me.

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frank says:

Jul 12 2011 at 11:30 am

@scaler911

@RedRanger
SRAM has been very cool about getting it fixed (replaced), and claim it's never happened before. You've heard of it? My 15ish y/o Dura Ace, on my we weather bike, still works like the day I bought it. And to be quite frank, I abuse the shit out of it.

Not sure about that, but I've heard loads of complaints about SRAM bits breaking. Not sure about your specific breakage.
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jul 12 2011 at 11:42 am

@Cyclops

@Jeff in PetroMetroYeah, the dude in The Yellow Princesses said "You're smiling and I'm at the limit, what's up with that?" Usually when I'm climbing I put the Ullrich look on but as I've told Frank in the past the faster the pace the bigger the smile.

+++eleventy-bazillion
That has got to be the most discouraging thing you can do to another racer. YOU.ROCK.
Marcus says:

Jul 12 2011 at 12:36 pm

@frank

@Cyclops
I coulda sworn there was a rule prohibiting bandanas - unless of course your name begins with "il" and finishes with "elephantino
Cyclops says:

Jul 12 2011 at 2:04 pm

@Marcus

You're thinking goatee not bandana...

Rule #50
Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.

No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with "Marco" and ends with "Pantani", or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.

That is why I am clean shaven now.
Nate says:

Jul 12 2011 at 2:13 pm

@Cyclops
Isn't that dude your teammate?
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jul 12 2011 at 2:25 pm

Addition to the Lexicon? The verb TO CYCLOPS

To Cyclops: To smile while laying down the V. (This, of course, confuses and ultimately crushes the will of all the other members of the peloton and leads to a podium finish.)

Example: Horner cycloped throughout the entire Tour of California.
Cyclops says:

Jul 12 2011 at 2:40 pm

@Nate

Kind of, but not really. We just have a cycling club in our town. We're not a team per se. In fact I've only been able to get them to ride as a team in one race. I would like to say that the guy in the Yellow Princesses is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet. He usually hands my ass to me but he's pretty humble and always has nothing but good things to say about me and my riding. The really cool thing he used to be the county prosecutor and now he's a district judge. That'll be my ace in the hole when I get brought up on murder charges for taking care of the sandbagger. He also just got back from doing an Iron Man Triathlon in France. He said that riding in France was awesome.
Marcus says:

Jul 12 2011 at 3:03 pm

@Cyclops
Then i respectfully suggest there should be a new rule. Bandanas are for pirates and biker gangs
mcsqueak says:

Jul 12 2011 at 3:19 pm

@Marcus

Cyclops' club is a pirate biker gang. On bicycles.
frank says:

Jul 12 2011 at 3:21 pm

@Marcus, @Cyclops

@Cyclops
Then i respectfully suggest there should be a new rule. Bandanas are for pirates and biker gangs

I'm inclined to side with @Marcus on this one. Bandanas are cool when you're climbing like an angel in the alps with an unhelmeted head. If you need to keep something over your skull to keep your bald head from burning, that's what Merckx invented cycling caps for.

Not sure if it merrits a Rule, but it very well could. Might also be an addendum to Rule 22.