Velominati Super Prestige: La Vuelta a España 2013

The Long Sock Brigade hits the Angliru

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patience for the changing of seasons when it means I’m going to be benching Number One and busting out the headlight.

I’m not going to lie to you; the Vuelta is my least-favorite race of the year. Part of it is the parcours-it’s hard enough to get excited about flat sprint stages in the Tour, but these stages in central Spain that go down a straight freeway for hours are just too much for my brain to find interesting. Hey look! There’s another shrub! Wasn’t he a President at one point? There will be some redeeming points of the race, I’m sure, and the shit-steep climbs they dot along the route are certain to be highlights of the season. But after you do the math, this is the grand tour with the weakest field, the worst route, and-most damning-the strongest signal that Summer is coming to an end on the half of the world that matters.

I can’t be bothered to sort out the route and what stages are going to matter, but I’ll tell you this: for the last few years, the winner of the Vuelta VSP has won the VSP GC. A few years back, @Marcus complained that he only lost the VSP because @Nate used the second Rest Day Swaps to his advantage to take the win, but after heavily increasing the penalties, he kept losing. Typical of a man who posts photos of his todger on a Cycling site. (@Nate, your win was clean according to the VCI.) Speaking of which, at worst the Vuelta will distract from Pat McQuaid and his bid for losing the UCI Presidency.

He has a strong lead in the 2013 Anti-V competition, however.

Check the start list, get your picks in, and don’t Delgado this baby; it could be your ticket to the shop apron. Bon chance.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

LA Dave says:

Sep 3 2013 at 4:02 pm

@wiscot

Anyone else see this great quote from Rodriguez yesterday: "It's not that we were slow, it's that he was faster than us," It's level of profundity makes it an instant classic and one that can be used by all Velominati. "No honey, I didn't lose the race, he just finished first."

I saw that as well. Classic. Right up there with some of Yogi Berra's best quotes.
el gato says:

Sep 3 2013 at 6:35 pm

Roche for Martin, who crashed out and Horner for Mollema who's not even close anymore. Hopefully I can salvage some points. I do think Nibali is looking like a podium finisher and probably the top step, not the third, but another swap would be just that many more points lost.

VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):

1. J-ROD
2. A. VALVERDE
3. V. NIBALI
4. N. ROCHE
5. C. HORNER
Skinnyphat says:

Sep 3 2013 at 7:02 pm

VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):

1. Nibali
2. Valverde
3. Horner
4. Rodriguez
5. Betancur
Facetious_Jesus says:

Sep 3 2013 at 8:52 pm

VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):

1. Nibali
2. Horner
3. Valverde
4. J rod
5. Basso
freddy says:

Sep 3 2013 at 9:28 pm

Henao and Betancur out. Horner and Roche in. I takes my chances...

VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):

1. Nibali
2. Horner
3. Rodriguez
4. Valverde
5. Roche
Barracuda says:

Sep 3 2013 at 11:39 pm

@Mike_P

I've got to hand it to Horner. In the category of "if it looks unbelievable, it probably is unbelieveable", he's way up there. For me it was probably one of the most suspect stages I've seen since a bandaged Vino hobbled on to his bike and blitzed the Albi TT at the '07 TdF. Just my opinion.

Certainly, if the "Duck" principal should ever apply, its now !
RedRanger says:

Sep 3 2013 at 11:48 pm

Im calling a rule 5 on this and not doing any swaps this race.
Barracuda says:

Sep 4 2013 at 12:31 am

Having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory during the TDF and having a sweet set of Cafe Roubaix Carbones taken off me on the penultimate day, I refuse to swap, action, revise, or manipulate my tips in any way shape or fashion out of sheer spite for myself.

Nibali, Valverde and Rodriguez should know better !

Who is this revelation of a rider they call Horner anyway ?
Al__S says:

Sep 4 2013 at 1:16 am

Damn, forgot to check in yesterday to drop Henao. Ah well, who knows what will happen this week? It's been a pretty fucking unpredictable race so far.

And whilst I want to believe in Horner, um, I'm really struggling to. He's probably "Rider 15" in the USADA report, pointed at by Leipheimer.
Deakus says:

Sep 4 2013 at 1:20 am

I was bemoaning the fact that Henao was over 7 minutes down until I took a closer look at my picks. I am just wondering whether or not Kreuziger can make back the 46:16 he has lost so far....I think picking him for 2nd in La Vuelta may have been a miscalculation!