Velominati Super Prestige: La Vuelta a España 2013

The Long Sock Brigade hits the Angliru

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patience for the changing of seasons when it means I’m going to be benching Number One and busting out the headlight.

I’m not going to lie to you; the Vuelta is my least-favorite race of the year. Part of it is the parcours-it’s hard enough to get excited about flat sprint stages in the Tour, but these stages in central Spain that go down a straight freeway for hours are just too much for my brain to find interesting. Hey look! There’s another shrub! Wasn’t he a President at one point? There will be some redeeming points of the race, I’m sure, and the shit-steep climbs they dot along the route are certain to be highlights of the season. But after you do the math, this is the grand tour with the weakest field, the worst route, and-most damning-the strongest signal that Summer is coming to an end on the half of the world that matters.

I can’t be bothered to sort out the route and what stages are going to matter, but I’ll tell you this: for the last few years, the winner of the Vuelta VSP has won the VSP GC. A few years back, @Marcus complained that he only lost the VSP because @Nate used the second Rest Day Swaps to his advantage to take the win, but after heavily increasing the penalties, he kept losing. Typical of a man who posts photos of his todger on a Cycling site. (@Nate, your win was clean according to the VCI.) Speaking of which, at worst the Vuelta will distract from Pat McQuaid and his bid for losing the UCI Presidency.

He has a strong lead in the 2013 Anti-V competition, however.

Check the start list, get your picks in, and don’t Delgado this baby; it could be your ticket to the shop apron. Bon chance.

[vsp_results id=”26944″/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @ramenvelo

    Me too. No disrespect to you @Buck or @Nate but I'm inclined to believe that it's legit. I have no evidence one way or the other to prove it, nor has anyone else. Horner always has been a top GC rider. I'm inclined to believe that his time has come. Sure, everyone points to the study that suggests that VO2 max capacity declines after the age of 35 but surely there are intricacies in that the "science" may or may not account for. I think that everyone has been burned a few too many times and this is corrosive to your spirit. Sometimes it's best to let go, I think. (Fuck. Listen to me. (Smiley face). Psychoanalytic bullshit, etc)

  • @mouse I hear you.  Being 'merican I have been burned to many times by

    .

    In the interest of full disclosure, it would be awesome for my VSP if Horner comes through.

  • As an fyi

    The Angliru requires some special considerations when it comes to gearing, and Alasdair Fotheringham has updated us with the lowest gears available to the principal contenders - Valverde 36x29; Nibali 34x29; Sanchez 34x32; Roche 36x32; Horner 34x32; Rodriguez 36x28.
  • Chaos. Pure chaos. Loving this race...the crowd is manic the riders are at their limit, camera motos stalling, where are the leaders? Another Frenchman gets a win...and the nice guy finishes first - absolutely broken.

    What an amazing example of the beauty of this sport!

  • OK, I stand corrected. This has been a pretty fucking rad GT. That last battle was absolutely a cracker.

    Anyone else notice that Horner sounds exactly like the Road Runner?

  • Wow, I never thought I'd see Chris Horner's name at the top of a GT GC on the second-last day. Congrats to RedRanger for taking the win in a tie over Donnie Bugno (who gets a commendation for an awesome handle).

    Provisional Race Results
    1. HORNER Christopher
    2. NIBALI Vincenzo
    3. VALVERDE Alejandro
    4. RODRIGUEZ OLIVER Joaquin
    5. ROCHE Nicolas
    Provisional VSP Standings
    1. RedRanger (32 points)
    2. Donnie Bugno (32 points)
    3. Nate (30 points)
    4. Mike_P (28 points)
    5. Collin (28 points)
    6. imakecircles (28 points)
    7. jeyrod (28 points)
    8. Skip (28 points)
    9. eightzero (25 points)
    10. Lukas (25 points)
    ...
    127. eenies (0 points)
  • Hot damn that was a hell of a race. Pure mayhem.

    I was watching it with someone that had never seen a bike race before, trying to explain what was happening as motos were crashing and people were blowing up everywhere was, say, interesting?

  • @frank

    OK, I stand corrected. This has been a pretty fucking rad GT. That last battle was absolutely a cracker.

    Anyone else notice that Horner sounds exactly like the Road Runner?

    As ever Frank you are a long way ahead of me....i was about to berate you for your laclustre approach to this GT once again and demand a retraction.....your self awareness and humility have once again denied me my moment of feeling righteous....but....once again the TdF has proved to be 3/3 for entertainment on the grand tours for the second year in a row....

    VLVV (vivre la vuelta velominati)

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