Velominati Super Prestige: La Vuelta a España 2013

The Long Sock Brigade hits the Angliru

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patience for the changing of seasons when it means I’m going to be benching Number One and busting out the headlight.

I’m not going to lie to you; the Vuelta is my least-favorite race of the year. Part of it is the parcours-it’s hard enough to get excited about flat sprint stages in the Tour, but these stages in central Spain that go down a straight freeway for hours are just too much for my brain to find interesting. Hey look! There’s another shrub! Wasn’t he a President at one point? There will be some redeeming points of the race, I’m sure, and the shit-steep climbs they dot along the route are certain to be highlights of the season. But after you do the math, this is the grand tour with the weakest field, the worst route, and-most damning-the strongest signal that Summer is coming to an end on the half of the world that matters.

I can’t be bothered to sort out the route and what stages are going to matter, but I’ll tell you this: for the last few years, the winner of the Vuelta VSP has won the VSP GC. A few years back, @Marcus complained that he only lost the VSP because @Nate used the second Rest Day Swaps to his advantage to take the win, but after heavily increasing the penalties, he kept losing. Typical of a man who posts photos of his todger on a Cycling site. (@Nate, your win was clean according to the VCI.) Speaking of which, at worst the Vuelta will distract from Pat McQuaid and his bid for losing the UCI Presidency.

He has a strong lead in the 2013 Anti-V competition, however.

Check the start list, get your picks in, and don’t Delgado this baby; it could be your ticket to the shop apron. Bon chance.

[vsp_results id=”26944″/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next The Bro-Set Experience »

Previous « Anatomy of a Photo: Rules Pioneer

View Comments

Steampunk says:

Sep 14 2013 at 9:44 am

@RedRanger

Well done, mate!
RedRanger says:

Sep 14 2013 at 9:57 am

@Steampunk

@RedRanger

Well done, mate!

Thanks. Calling rule 5 on myself and not doing any rest day swaps really payed off. Also the red shirt is very apropos.
strathlubnaig says:

Sep 14 2013 at 11:16 am

@JohnB

Horner. Must be beetroot juice.

that beetroot juice, and porridge in the mornings, job done.
strathlubnaig says:

Sep 14 2013 at 11:17 am

I am watching todays stage again but on ITV4 with speshul guest common tater, Jens Voigt, should be interesting.
brett says:

Sep 14 2013 at 11:55 am

@Buck Rogers

I am really the only guy who has followed cycling for the last 27 plus years that is convinced this is not a "natural ride" around here???

No.
scaler911 says:

Sep 14 2013 at 12:40 pm

@brett

@Buck Rogers

I am really the only guy who has followed cycling for the last 27 plus years that is convinced this is not a "natural ride" around here???

No.

Are we going to be able to enjoy seeing a 'Murican in Red in Madrid tomorrow, without talking about how he got there, when up to now, he's passed all the doping controls? Can we just be happy for him? Can we consider that there's the possibility that perhaps during the EPO years he was actually one of the most talented racers in group that was clean the whole time? Or are we going to do the guilty until proven innocent thing? It's not like he won by 10min. It was close.
Erik says:

Sep 14 2013 at 12:50 pm

Amazing. I am the only guy to pick Horner from the start. I swap out an DNF Dan Martin. And I only have 21 points.

Have I offended thee? V? I shall go and flog myself under the watchful eye of the Man with the Hammer.

And, @scaler911 -- thank you.
imakecircles says:

Sep 14 2013 at 12:51 pm

Horner seems like one of those guys who's said before that he could win a grand tour and until now subsequently crashed out or suffered injury in them. Maybe this time, luck was just on his side. Of course, I don't have all the data, yada, yada, and Horner may be doped to the gills in some new way, but that was exciting racing. Nibbles went down swinging, too. Great conclusion to a grand tour.
kixsand says:

Sep 14 2013 at 1:47 pm

Ridiculously exciting finish to that one!

It's a shame that my reaction is tempered with suspicion of wrong doing. It really shouldn't be that way. It makes me mad and somewhat sad.

Superb performance though...really top notch.
Collin says:

Sep 14 2013 at 2:01 pm

I really enjoyed the moments when the racers had ascended into the fog. The moto was stuck behind the commissar's car, so no one knew what was happening. They stayed with that moto once it was clear, so the suspense of seeing what the positioning would be was fantastic. First, J-Rod, then Valverde, and finally Horner and Nibali. Fabulous.