Velominati Super Prestige: La Vuelta a España 2013

The Long Sock Brigade hits the Angliru

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patience for the changing of seasons when it means I’m going to be benching Number One and busting out the headlight.

I’m not going to lie to you; the Vuelta is my least-favorite race of the year. Part of it is the parcours-it’s hard enough to get excited about flat sprint stages in the Tour, but these stages in central Spain that go down a straight freeway for hours are just too much for my brain to find interesting. Hey look! There’s another shrub! Wasn’t he a President at one point? There will be some redeeming points of the race, I’m sure, and the shit-steep climbs they dot along the route are certain to be highlights of the season. But after you do the math, this is the grand tour with the weakest field, the worst route, and-most damning-the strongest signal that Summer is coming to an end on the half of the world that matters.

I can’t be bothered to sort out the route and what stages are going to matter, but I’ll tell you this: for the last few years, the winner of the Vuelta VSP has won the VSP GC. A few years back, @Marcus complained that he only lost the VSP because @Nate used the second Rest Day Swaps to his advantage to take the win, but after heavily increasing the penalties, he kept losing. Typical of a man who posts photos of his todger on a Cycling site. (@Nate, your win was clean according to the VCI.) Speaking of which, at worst the Vuelta will distract from Pat McQuaid and his bid for losing the UCI Presidency.

He has a strong lead in the 2013 Anti-V competition, however.

Check the start list, get your picks in, and don’t Delgado this baby; it could be your ticket to the shop apron. Bon chance.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Mike_P says:

Sep 16 2013 at 4:21 am

Holy Cow, I came in 4th. How on Earth did I manage that? Only two points from the podium without turning a pedal. Happy man now ha!

I'm absolutely with Buck on the whole Horner thing, but what a great race it was overall. Ride of the Vuelta for me was Tony Martin on Stage 6. I reckon the Panzerwagen will be on fire at the World's.

Most disappointing aspect of the race, the paltry number of people who were there to see the final podium presentations.
Chris says:

Sep 16 2013 at 6:33 am

@frank

A comment here and there is fine, but keep the endless rehashing of the same old doping speculation over on RBR or CN forums.

Speaking of Cycling News and not wanting to rehash old speculation, I'm sure Horner would have been fine if he had been tested.
Harminator says:

Sep 16 2013 at 10:54 am

@Skip

OK, I'm pretty stoked on my first top 10 finish in a grand tour VSP. So for all of you who couldn't be there for the finish in Madrid (which I assume means all of you because every time I post something about organizing a Cogal anywhere on the Iberian Peninsula I can hear a pin drop), here are some photos I took from the 180-degree turn at Plaza Colon. Apologies that my photographic abilities pale in comparison to Pedale Forchetta's and his coverage of the Italian races.

I took a 180-degree turn at the Plaza Colon one time and nearly shat my pants.

(Nice pics, Skip. I thought you were an Aussie for some reason. A Iberian Cogan sounds fuckin' incredible but I'm saving my piastres for Keepers' Tour...
Dorie says:

Apr 14 2016 at 11:48 pm

Superb intimrafoon here, ol'e chap; keep burning the midnight oil.