Velominati Super Prestige: La Vuelta a España 2013

The Long Sock Brigade hits the Angliru

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patience for the changing of seasons when it means I’m going to be benching Number One and busting out the headlight.

I’m not going to lie to you; the Vuelta is my least-favorite race of the year. Part of it is the parcours-it’s hard enough to get excited about flat sprint stages in the Tour, but these stages in central Spain that go down a straight freeway for hours are just too much for my brain to find interesting. Hey look! There’s another shrub! Wasn’t he a President at one point? There will be some redeeming points of the race, I’m sure, and the shit-steep climbs they dot along the route are certain to be highlights of the season. But after you do the math, this is the grand tour with the weakest field, the worst route, and-most damning-the strongest signal that Summer is coming to an end on the half of the world that matters.

I can’t be bothered to sort out the route and what stages are going to matter, but I’ll tell you this: for the last few years, the winner of the Vuelta VSP has won the VSP GC. A few years back, @Marcus complained that he only lost the VSP because @Nate used the second Rest Day Swaps to his advantage to take the win, but after heavily increasing the penalties, he kept losing. Typical of a man who posts photos of his todger on a Cycling site. (@Nate, your win was clean according to the VCI.) Speaking of which, at worst the Vuelta will distract from Pat McQuaid and his bid for losing the UCI Presidency.

He has a strong lead in the 2013 Anti-V competition, however.

Check the start list, get your picks in, and don’t Delgado this baby; it could be your ticket to the shop apron. Bon chance.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

TOM.NELS2120 says:

Sep 14 2013 at 9:58 pm

OK, so the reports state that Horner did 1967 VAM on Pena Cabarga, which
is 9.6% average grade. From 53x12.com, the multiplier for 10% is 1.22X,
so that gives:

((1967 m/hr)/(3600 sec/hr))*(9.807 m/sec^2)*1.22 = 6.54 m^2/sec^3

A watt is a kg*m^2/sec^3, so that's 6.54 w/kg :-).

Breaking it out a bit, the first 3 terms calculate the rate of potential
energy gain in a 9.807 m/sec^2 gravitational field (i.e. on the surface
of planet Earth). This is the amount of power required to raise a
kilogram at 1967 m/hr with no allowance for losses from rolling
resistance or aerodynamics. The "1.22" is Ferrari's fudge factor to
approximate those losses at 10% gradient. For reference, the equivalent
fudge factor at 7% grade (Mont Ventoux) is 1.35, which is why VAMs are
only comparable between climbs of similar steepness.

The climb was only 16:00 long, so 6.5 is believable in my opinion. Where
people like Vayer are screwing this up is by comparing to longer climbs
like the Alpe and Ventoux. There's a big difference between a 16 min
"uphill sprint" and a 40-60 min grind. At 16 minutes we would expect a little more than a 5% decrement to establish a FTP between 6.1 a 6.2 watts/kg.

also his power data on SRM for his second stage seemed reasonable. Maybe he is on the hot sauce but wouldn't it be cool if he wasn't?
starclimber says:

Sep 14 2013 at 10:53 pm

Super happy with my 2 points. No way Horner is on any 'known', and thus illegal, dope. Unless he's a total fucktard who 'just had to know' what it was like to win a grand tour, and that doesn't seem to be his style. Me, equivocate? Heh.
Deakus says:

Sep 15 2013 at 2:26 am

Jensy is a born pundit. 5 minutes in to the ITV4 highlights and he has already come out with a jensyism "all this researching climbs is overrated. If the legs hurt and you are going slow it must be uphill. If you are going fast and the legs do not hurt you must be going downhill"!

the man is a genius!
zeitzmar says:

Sep 15 2013 at 2:47 am

Totally agree! Have you seen this soundboard? : http://teamjva.com/jens-voigt-soundboard/
mouse says:

Sep 15 2013 at 3:35 am

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

Dragging the "possibility" that Chris doped to win the Vuelta is a bummer and a distraction. I might add, that until he does test positive, take this up over at cyclingnews. There's plenty of haters over there.

Peace out.

Boom!

Well spoken, Bruce.
kixsand says:

Sep 15 2013 at 3:40 am

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

Dragging the "possibility" that Chris doped to win the Vuelta is a bummer and a distraction. I might add, that until he does test positive, take this up over at cyclingnews. There's plenty of haters over there.

Peace out.

I have to agree.

Enjoy the race. Critique the performances. But, don't shit in the pool - we're all swimming here!
Chris says:

Sep 15 2013 at 4:53 am

@kixsand

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

Dragging the "possibility" that Chris doped to win the Vuelta is a bummer and a distraction. I might add, that until he does test positive, take this up over at cyclingnews. There's plenty of haters over there.

Peace out.

I have to agree.

Enjoy the race. Critique the performances. But, don't shit in the pool - we're all swimming here!

Really? Don't shit in the pool? That's remarkably similar to a phrase the David Walsh quotes Pharmstrong as using a lot "Don't spit in the soup", i.e., don't ask too many questions or put our livelihoods at risk.

It's difficult to say where the line should be drawn in terms of what or who should be questioned but whilst I was unimpressed at the level of baseless questioning of Wiggins and Froome's achievements, I can't help myself from raising an eyebrow at Horner's win.

If you look back at Wiggo and Froome there's been a build up to the wins and in a history of achievements in Wiggo's case or people who've known Froome for a long time saying that he had the potential but it took an organisation like Sky to draw it out. Horner just doesn't seem to have that behind him and his age is against him.

I'd be delighted to be proved wrong. About Horner, obviously not Wiggo or Froome.
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 15 2013 at 5:39 am

@Chris

@kixsand

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

Dragging the "possibility" that Chris doped to win the Vuelta is a bummer and a distraction. I might add, that until he does test positive, take this up over at cyclingnews. There's plenty of haters over there.

Peace out.

I have to agree.

Enjoy the race. Critique the performances. But, don't shit in the pool - we're all swimming here!

Really? Don't shit in the pool? That's remarkably similar to a phrase the David Walsh quotes Pharmstrong as using a lot "Don't spit in the soup", i.e., don't ask too many questions or put our livelihoods at risk.

It's difficult to say where the line should be drawn in terms of what or who should be questioned but whilst I was unimpressed at the level of baseless questioning of Wiggins and Froome's achievements, I can't help myself from raising an eyebrow at Horner's win.

If you look back at Wiggo and Froome there's been a build up to the wins and in a history of achievements in Wiggo's case or people who've known Froome for a long time saying that he had the potential but it took an organisation like Sky to draw it out. Horner just doesn't seem to have that behind him and his age is against him.

I'd be delighted to be proved wrong. About Horner, obviously not Wiggo or Froome.

Ha! Funny how the wheel keeps turning and turning.

Now to quote that great American philosopher Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along".

As for me and my doubts, I loved the race and I am moving on.
ChrisO says:

Sep 15 2013 at 6:00 am

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

I don't. I think I have pretty consistently objected to the fetishism around riders like Pantani, Ullrich, Museeuw and others. I wince every time I see another piece of Pirata-worship.The older riders i.e. pre EPO don't fall under the same heading in my view.

So by that score I'm perfectly justified in not giving Horner a pass.

You believe what you want, I'll say what I want - not to be contrary or rain on your parades, but to make sure non-objection is not taken as acquiescence. That's how a lot of this mess developed in the first place.
kixsand says:

Sep 15 2013 at 9:20 am

@Chris

@kixsand

@scaler911

I'll just say one more thing about the "he has to be on something" thing: y'all know that I love this place, and all y'all, but it's curious to me that we let Pantani slide, Ullrich, Gaul, Anquetil, Zoetemelk, Pollentier, and our King: Merckx (among many others). Lance is a dick that ruined other peoples lives, which is why I don't give him a pass.

Dragging the "possibility" that Chris doped to win the Vuelta is a bummer and a distraction. I might add, that until he does test positive, take this up over at cyclingnews. There's plenty of haters over there.

Peace out.

I have to agree.

Enjoy the race. Critique the performances. But, don't shit in the pool - we're all swimming here!

Really? Don't shit in the pool? That's remarkably similar to a phrase the David Walsh quotes Pharmstrong as using a lot "Don't spit in the soup", i.e., don't ask too many questions or put our livelihoods at risk.

It's difficult to say where the line should be drawn in terms of what or who should be questioned but whilst I was unimpressed at the level of baseless questioning of Wiggins and Froome's achievements, I can't help myself from raising an eyebrow at Horner's win.

If you look back at Wiggo and Froome there's been a build up to the wins and in a history of achievements in Wiggo's case or people who've known Froome for a long time saying that he had the potential but it took an organisation like Sky to draw it out. Horner just doesn't seem to have that behind him and his age is against him.

I'd be delighted to be proved wrong. About Horner, obviously not Wiggo or Froome.

I agree with you for the most part. Someone needs to be questioning and vigilant. I just don't think that it should be the fans of the sport. Have your doubts and I will have mine. I choose to keep mine to myself knowing how it sullies the experience of those around me.