Velominati Super Prestige: Liege-Bastogne-Liege 2016

We were descending for a while before I saw Roche’s name painted on the road. It was one of those little bridges over a river that you only seem to find in the Benelux; just a little too ancient and just a little too arched, and just a little too perfectly flawed to be anywhere else.

The trouble was that the sportive was run in the summer after the race had already taken place; Roche had retired the year before, so it seemed really strange that his name would be painted on the road. What we didn’t appreciate was that the previous year’s sportive had used blue arrows to mark the route, and this year’s sportive was using white arrows. After a year in Belgium, blue paint tends to start looking an awful lot like white paint; it was only a matter of time before we took a wrong turn.

Another concerning clue was the fact that we hadn’t seen another rider in much longer than one sees another rider during a sportive event as popular as this one. Neither my dad nor I are dumb people but you didn’t need to be smart to realize there was something horribly amuck with how abandoned the roads were.

We turned around and climbed back up the serpentine route we had gleefully descended into the valley. If memory serves, which I am fairly confident it doesn’t, we added something like 100km to the prescribed route.

The route from Liege to Bastogne is relatively easy, if you consider lots of climbing of short, steep côtes “easy”. On the way back, they pack the climbs in fast and furious, the steeper the better. The Prophet, Eddy Merckx, has his statue at the top of the Stockeu; this is a gratuitous climb if ever there was such a thing. The road wings off the main road to the right and flies up a 21% gradient for just over a kilometer before taking a hard left and swinging right back down to the same point in the road; a loop of suffering added purely for the sake of suffering. When we rode it with Johan Museeuw, he tried to convince us not to ride it, “You don’t need to ride it for me…” When I rode it with my dad, all I remember is woods and suffering.

Liege will be held on Sunday, and I’m done trying to predict the weather in a country where I don’t live except to say I predict there will be weather; either sunny or rainy or stormy, or snowy. As far as winners go, the smart money is on the Valve Cap, which is very disappointing to me and why I’m going with the “dumb” money. Hopefully something exciting will happen instead. So check the start list, and stock up on points for the Don Walker custom frame, Cafe Roubaix wheelset, or V-Kit.

Mercxkspeed.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @Bianchi Denti

    Two French Monument winners in one year. What are the odds on that?

    Kangert has good form.

    Froome will fall off, so Poels will fly the Sky flag.

    VSP PICKS:

    1. Alaphillippe
    2. Valverde
    3. Kangert
    4. Poels
    5. Ulissi

    Hoping if Froome does fall off he takes out Malmerde

    VSP PICKS:

    1. Dan F Martin
    2. A Yates
    3. Alaphilipe
    4. Wellens
    5. Gasparotto
  • Lads, the weather is by no account going to be apocalyptic. A couple of showers, but mostly dry and fresh.

    I'm envisioning Dano & Alpha Dog working over Malmerde in the final after stretching him (if that were possible) on the Stockeau, but every dog will have their day in the sun. This is Dano's favourite race after all.

    VSP PICKS:

    1. DAN Martin
    2. Valverde
    3. Alaphilippe
    4. Kwiato
    5. Ulissi
  • Yet another change. Think I'm happy with this order now. Dano to win by 8" or thereabouts. Alpha Dog to beat a tired Alejandro to the line for 2nd. Or maybe this is just pure fantasy on my part!

    VSP PICKS:

    1. DAN Martin
    2. Alaphilippe
    3. Valverde
    4. Kwiato
    5. Ulissi
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