Velominati Super Prestige: Milano-Sanremo 2016

Spoiler alert, Greg. You're fucked.

Milan Sanremo. I know we’ve been watching the men and women crush the cobbles already, and that’s the spiritual beginning of the season, but La Primavera is the longest Classic of them all, and the first race of the season that will be a genuine target for all the gunslingers. Which makes this the symbolic start to the season and, typically, the first event of our annual Velominati Super Prestige.

Please don’t call it a fantasy cycling game; the VSP is based on the old season-long Super Prestige (and later the World Cup) which awarded points to riders for how they finished in the qualifying races. The points were tallied and whomever held the most points at the end of the season was declared the winner, was showered in champagne, got epic bragging rights, and presumably got the girl. During the year, the leader earned the right to wear the white leader’s jersey with verticalized rainbow stripes.

Our series is based on the same principle, where you select the riders you think will be in the top five, in order of finishing. Points are awarded for getting your picks right, and bonus points are on offer for getting close. The leader of the event gets a little white jersey as their posting badge, and those who win the events for the Monuments and Grand Tours get to post with a commemorative badge for the ensuing year.

For the last several years, we’ve also been offering some crazy prizes; a custom road frame to the winner, hand built wheels to the runner-up, and a full v-kit to the runner-up-runner. This year, we’re delighted to announce that our friend Dan Richter of Café Roubaix will be offering up another of our collaboration Velominati-CR Wheelworks wheelsets. The V-Kit is the same as last year, with the addition of the possibility to choose the new VLVV design should you so choose.

The big news is that Don Walker of Don Walker Cycles and the head honcho of the North American Handmade Bicycle Show is going to be offering one of his hand-built, custom road frames. I was introduced to Don through @Haldy, who owns something like five of his bikes. There is no denying it when you meet a fellow Velominatus: instant friendship. I had him build me a track bike for The Improbable Hour on Festum Prophetae, and now we’re flirting about my first custom road frame because my other bikes just seem so impersonal now.

Don is the quintessential small frame builder; he only take 6 customer orders per year so you won’t be rolling up to the local group ride only to find four other riders on the same steed. The rest of his bikes are for his team and for the therapy of working with his hands. Working with him on the bike design is an incredible experience; delving into riding style and position and fine-tuning every detail of the build. And then it quickly devolves into shit-talking and teasing. I am so excited to share this experience with the lucky winner.

With that, start prognosticating on your picks and check the scoring guidelines. I know some of you are doing some intense analysis, and recall that last season we had a tie which we had to break by going back to see which of the two were entering their picks in earlier on average. Also don’t Delgado it; we have been known to have the odd timing glitch and even though that’s not your fault, I’m still not going to manually enter your picks because you waited around and the window closed earlier than you thought it would. The kids probably have an emoji for that.

Good luck, and may the V be with you. VLVV.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Mikael Liddy says:

Mar 21 2016 at 7:47 pm

Cosmo calls bullshit on the sticky bottle claims.

How the Race Was Won: 2016 Milan-San Remo from cyclingtips on Vimeo.

Also of note, it seems Tossato was there bitching & moaning at Bling well after Demare took off from the crash, how exactly did he get ahead of him again to be passed on the Cipressa?
dyalander says:

Mar 21 2016 at 9:41 pm

@Mikael Liddy

Cosmo calls bullshit on the sticky bottle claims.

How the Race Was Won: 2016 Milan-San Remo from cyclingtips on Vimeo.

Also of note, it seems Tossato was there bitching & moaning at Bling well after Demare took off from the crash, how exactly did he get ahead of him again to be passed on the Cipressa?

I'd also recommend Inrng's review of the situation (he and Cosmo are beacons in the cycling social media cave) - he makes no judgement as to innocence or guilt, he's just more interested in the various claims and how the trial by media evolves, but it's a good sum up.
dyalander says:

Mar 21 2016 at 9:41 pm

@dyalander

@Mikael Liddy

Cosmo calls bullshit on the sticky bottle claims.

How the Race Was Won: 2016 Milan-San Remo from cyclingtips on Vimeo.

Also of note, it seems Tossato was there bitching & moaning at Bling well after Demare took off from the crash, how exactly did he get ahead of him again to be passed on the Cipressa?

I’d also recommend Inrng’s review of the situation (he and Cosmo are beacons in the cycling social media cave) – he makes no judgement as to innocence or guilt, he’s just more interested in the various claims and how the trial by media evolves, but it’s a good sum up.

http://inrng.com/2016/03/demare-cipressa-conspiracy-theories/#more-28028
Minnesota Expat says:

Mar 21 2016 at 10:54 pm

UK Cycling Expert @uscyclingexpert
Arnold Demure's Strava said he rode 301km but Milan to San Marino is 346km as I've proved on Google Maps #fishy

That guy is cracking me up. But yes, the inrng analysis is insightful and even handed.
wiscot says:

Mar 22 2016 at 6:54 am

Here's my two cents. Demare won. Analyze all the f*cking Strava shit you want, I don't care. Did he take a very, very sticky bottle? Maybe. We live in an age where just about every centimeter of this race's 300 kms was likely filmed on someone's smart phone. If you care enough to stand at the side of a road to watch a bike race then I guess you care enough to find out the result and then become aware of the resulting furore. Then, maybe you look at your cell phone footage and see that you filmed Demare getting towed. Or maybe not. I'm surmising that because no such footage exists it didn't happen.

Demare won, Gaviria crashed, Boo-hoo-hani's chain fell off, Stannard rode like a climber, Sagan and Cancellara showed awesome handling/reaction skills. Great race, end of story.
universo says:

Mar 22 2016 at 9:56 am

@wiscot

Arnaud Démarre's win is not even difficult to comprehend.

2014 Gent-Wevelgem In Flanders Fields placed 2

2014 Milano-Sanremo placed 34

2015 Milano-Sanremo placed 127
chuckp says:

Mar 22 2016 at 10:56 am

@wiscot

Demare won, Gaviria crashed, Boo-hoo-hani’s chain fell off, Stannard rode like a climber, Sagan and Cancellara showed awesome handling/reaction skills. Great race, end of story.

http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/03/news/sagan-and-cancellara-show-us-how-pros-do-bike-handling_399127
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 23 2016 at 10:45 am

@portemat

@frank

Boom! My first entry into VSP… Wonder how long I can keep this kind of result going??

Screen shot that shite, Brother! I had the Rainbow jersey for one week back in 2010, I think. Frahnk took a screen shot of it for me at the time.

And nope, I've never seen the jersey again.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 23 2016 at 10:49 am

@Minnesota Expat

From Twitter

PROOF: Shocking new photo of Arnold Demure getting into the FDJ team car on the Cipressa climb. #cheat

Late to the game here. I was gone all weekend and MON/TUE to Vermont.

THIS fucking killed me today when I just saw it! Yes he won but come the fuck on, we all know he fucking cheated. And we all know that the fucking UCI will do nothing about it. He gets the Monument but will forever be known as the Sticky Bottle Dude. I'm sure he is sleeping fine tonight.

And yes, Sagan wins the Bike Handling Moment of the Year! Fucking skills coming out his Arse, man! Just awesome! If they ever do get around to DQ'ing Damure, I think they should give it to Sagan for his pure fucking awesomeness in everything.