Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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dinosaurJR says:

Apr 8 2016 at 12:19 am
Pick change. I anticipate Tornado Tom to lay down the V. May be he will. Or maybe I like the idea that he will.

Isnt that the same thing?

Maybe I am just getting sentimental in my old age. I still cant bring myself to put him on the top step, though. He fractured his head bone a few months ago, for Merckx sake! If Etixx keeps him on and he stays focused and injury free maybe next year as a final farewell. I think Pinchy and Sparty have this wrapped up between them this year.

VSP PICKS:
1. Faboo
2. Pinchy Sagan
3. Tommeke
4. Sep VanMarcke
5. Tony Martin
Barracuda says:

Apr 8 2016 at 12:23 am
@wiscot

re your comments on Stannard. I hope so ! Ive got the big fella on the top step holding the square rock

VSP PICKS:
1. Stannard
2. Cancellara
3. Boonen
4. Stybar
5. Vanmarcke
Barracuda says:

Apr 8 2016 at 12:33 am
@paolo

@chuckp

My new dark horse pick … Phil Gaimon. 6’1″ and 148 pounds. The perfect build for L’enfer du Nord.

http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/04/news/surprise-phil-gaimons-racing-paris-roubaix_401781

Just read this and I am moved to note that he’s also an exceptionally nice young man to boot. Last September on a very hot Saturday afternoon my friend Julian and I were climbing Latigo. An Iconic climb in the Santa Monicas. Both of us have 50 well in the rear view mirror now. I was well ahead and Phil passed me. I forget which domestic team he rode for last year but the bikes were Diamondbacks. As he sailed passed me I recognized him and said hi. Later Julian told me that half way up the climb he was out of water and stopped for some shade under a tree. Phil stopped to check on him and gave him some water from his bidon. You just wont ever see anything like that in any other sport I think.

And all on $10- a day as well.

VSP PICKS:
1. Stannard
2. Cancellara
3. Boonen
4. Stybar
5. Vanmarcke
KogaLover says:

Apr 8 2016 at 1:17 am
Somewhat worried that my prior picks will not be recognised and hence I might be missing out on some fabulous rims, as I do not know how the long-armed Dutch Monkey's cognitive computing abilities are. Hence re-posting them under their true names.

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Cancellara
3. Van Marcke
4. Stybar
5. Kristoff
Barracuda says:

Apr 8 2016 at 1:40 am
@KogaLover

Well played, two birds, one stone

VSP PICKS:
1. Stannard
2. Cancellara
3. Boonen
4. Stybar
5. Vanmarcke
Teocalli says:

Apr 8 2016 at 2:07 am

@KogaLover

With my track record I'm starting to think a better strategy would be to choose really obscure names and then dispute post event to get the top 5 in the correct order.
El says:

Apr 8 2016 at 2:44 am
VSP PICKS:
1. vanmarke
2. rowe
3. cancellara
4. stybar
5. boom
Luis Gee says:

Apr 8 2016 at 2:58 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Tom Boonen
2. Fabian Cancellara
3. Sep Vanmarcke
4. Peter Sagan
5. Niki Terpstra
Teocalli says:

Apr 8 2016 at 3:16 am

@GoldenGorilla

Looks like Demare will be a DNS
Slowtrane says:

Apr 8 2016 at 3:34 am

Bad news for Frank: http://www.accuweather.com/en/fr/roubaix/135632/daily-weather-forecast/135632?day=3