Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Beers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 4:12 pm

Oops, don't make sense, as Fabs won't be there next year..
frank says:

Apr 11 2016 at 6:39 pm

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

@Gianni

@ChrisO

I was thinking that too, better that it be unattainable. But he came awfully close. What a monster race.

I need to come down.

I was gutted for Tommeke – so, so close, but each rider in that five man break would have been a worthy winner. That being said, to lose a race by so little that means so much, Boonen showed unbelievable class on and off the podium. No scowling, no petted lip. Happy for Hayman. It’s why I love Queen Marianne and Tommeke, even when they don’t win, they show exceptional sportsmanship.

Yes, that is the only way to properly express it. I am just gutted for Tommeke. But yes, he is pure class and I pray that he keeps riding at this level for another few years yet.

Tomeke is the embodiment of a class sportsman for sure. Went up a few notches for sure in my book. I had to add some extra notches.
Mikael Liddy says:

Apr 11 2016 at 8:43 pm

Cyclingtips posted a good interview with Tommeke from after the race on Sunday that includes something worth remembering, P-R was actually the initial date he was given by doctors to start riding again after fracturing his skull last year...assuming he has the motivation to go around again, a full prep for classics season will probably see a very different Boonen lining up.
Mikael Liddy says:

Apr 11 2016 at 8:51 pm

@Harminator

@Mikael Liddy

MATTY FUCKEN HAYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to like about this win. He’s a genuine tradesman. I snapped him as he came to the last turn at Carrefour. He looked dropped. At least 8 lengths. I gave him an earful. The mood afterwards was very sombre. Even the French were hoping for Tommeke’s V. Stunning win.

That is an awesome photo, I'm assuming that's just after he got gapped by Stannard dive bombing him on the inside of the corner leading on to the cobbles. Have to admit I thought his race was done at that point.
Mikael Liddy says:

Apr 11 2016 at 9:33 pm

Take 20 minutes to sit back & enjoy this...
sthilzy says:

Apr 12 2016 at 12:09 am

Commentary we Aussies got.

https://www.facebook.com/SBSCyclingCentral/videos/10154073243483427/
piwakawaka says:

Apr 12 2016 at 12:16 am

@Mikael Liddy

@Harminator

@Mikael Liddy

MATTY FUCKEN HAYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to like about this win. He’s a genuine tradesman. I snapped him as he came to the last turn at Carrefour. He looked dropped. At least 8 lengths. I gave him an earful. The mood afterwards was very sombre. Even the French were hoping for Tommeke’s V. Stunning win.

That is an awesome photo, I’m assuming that’s just after he got gapped by Stannard dive bombing him on the inside of the corner leading on to the cobbles. Have to admit I thought his race was done at that point.

+1 on the photo, - two key moments in the final, Hayman getting distanced at the start of the last 5 star stones, he was back by the end of the sector, massive, and his bridge and attack of Boonen was awesome, huge match @Mikael Liddy, for Boonen to get back on - this was probably the difference on the line.

@Buck Rogers, you're welcome.
Barracuda says:

Apr 12 2016 at 2:51 am

@Mikael Liddy

at 14:43 " Do you want a beer ? " No SHIT Sherlock, Gimme a beer !
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 12 2016 at 6:16 am

@piwakawaka

Thanks, Mate! I appreciate the try but ASO has already pulled that link down.

Fuckers! First they do not revenue share with the teams and riders and then they do not let the public watch it either!
wiscot says:

Apr 12 2016 at 7:16 am

@chuckp

I know, Tommeke got beaten, he didn't "lose". Poor word choice on my part.

As for the golf, it's just my annual rant as the Masters usually finishes on the same Sunday as P-R. I think it would be fair to say Speith "lost" the Masters though.