Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Rusty Gramm says:

Apr 7 2016 at 7:32 am

@Slowtrane

Tony Martin? he's my basement closet dark horse pick. He's got the engine, but does he have the ability to be in the front after a day of cobbles? I hope not for the sake of my picks, but it would be amazing to see him turn into a classics racer at the mid/late point of his career.
wiscot says:

Apr 7 2016 at 7:38 am
@Buck Rogers

I don't think so, but I think we all know that it might well be. I can't see Lefevre keeping him on at his salary to ride a few classics in 2017/2018.

Duclos-Lasalle was 38 and 39 when he won his two P-Rs so there is form for age and experience doing well in the race.

I've a sneaky suspicion, not reflected in my picks, that Big Stannard's going to romp home solo style.

VSP PICKS:
1. Boonen
2. Cancellara
3. Vanmarke
4. Stybar
5. Sagan
hudson says:

Apr 7 2016 at 7:49 am

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

This is it for Tommeke. His last Roubaix. Fabs too. I really, really, really want it to be the big baldy.

Has Tommeke finally said that this is his last P-R??? I have not seen that yet but I might have missed it.

I think that unless he finds some magic sauce late in his career (same shit that Museeuw “Only” used at the end of his career) I think that this will be his last shot at a win. He is getting on the old side (although Gibus was late 30’s when he won it twice, right?)

no, he hasn't come out and said it yet...but when asked he doesn't deny it. someone who isn't ready to hang up their wheels would probably say so. I think he's waiting to see if he finishes on a high note.
wiscot says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:10 am

@hudson

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

This is it for Tommeke. His last Roubaix. Fabs too. I really, really, really want it to be the big baldy.

Has Tommeke finally said that this is his last P-R??? I have not seen that yet but I might have missed it.

I think that unless he finds some magic sauce late in his career (same shit that Museeuw “Only” used at the end of his career) I think that this will be his last shot at a win. He is getting on the old side (although Gibus was late 30’s when he won it twice, right?)

no, he hasn’t come out and said it yet…but when asked he doesn’t deny it. someone who isn’t ready to hang up their wheels would probably say so. I think he’s waiting to see if he finishes on a high note.

Agreed. If Tommeke wins, I see this being his last year. Wouldn't it be great to see Him and Fabs on the podium in a 1-2? That would bring a tear to a glass eye that would.
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:16 am
@wiscot

@hudson

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

This is it for Tommeke. His last Roubaix. Fabs too. I really, really, really want it to be the big baldy.

Has Tommeke finally said that this is his last P-R??? I have not seen that yet but I might have missed it.

I think that unless he finds some magic sauce late in his career (same shit that Museeuw “Only” used at the end of his career) I think that this will be his last shot at a win. He is getting on the old side (although Gibus was late 30’s when he won it twice, right?)

no, he hasn’t come out and said it yet…but when asked he doesn’t deny it. someone who isn’t ready to hang up their wheels would probably say so. I think he’s waiting to see if he finishes on a high note.

Agreed. If Tommeke wins, I see this being his last year. Wouldn’t it be great to see Him and Fabs on the podium in a 1-2? That would bring a tear to a glass eye that would.

Completely agree that it could be his last year but I was not sure, after your post, if he had declared it like Sparty has. Also agree that if he can manage a win, or possibly even a podium, he might bow out after this year.

But I'm betting that he rides hard one more year after this year, to separate his time from Sparty's, if nothing else. Maybe even ride in support of Sagan if Etixx can pick him up and help "mentor" him a bit (not that Sagan really needs it at this point) and go for the odd result himself.

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Sparty
3. Tommeke
4. Luke Rowe
5. Stybar
Radar says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:19 am

@frank

I think that it's less the piti principle and gaming the system then a complete lack of ability to spell Belgian names as people figure out their picks, so we cut and paste. Thanks for the reminder!
hudson says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:21 am

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

@hudson

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

This is it for Tommeke. His last Roubaix. Fabs too. I really, really, really want it to be the big baldy.

Has Tommeke finally said that this is his last P-R??? I have not seen that yet but I might have missed it.

I think that unless he finds some magic sauce late in his career (same shit that Museeuw “Only” used at the end of his career) I think that this will be his last shot at a win. He is getting on the old side (although Gibus was late 30’s when he won it twice, right?)

no, he hasn’t come out and said it yet…but when asked he doesn’t deny it. someone who isn’t ready to hang up their wheels would probably say so. I think he’s waiting to see if he finishes on a high note.

Agreed. If Tommeke wins, I see this being his last year. Wouldn’t it be great to see Him and Fabs on the podium in a 1-2? That would bring a tear to a glass eye that would.

Completely agree that it could be his last year but I was not sure, after your post, if he had declared it like Sparty has. Also agree that if he can manage a win, or possibly even a podium, he might bow out after this year.

But I’m betting that he rides hard one more year after this year, to separate his time from Sparty’s, if nothing else. Maybe even ride in support of Sagan if Etixx can pick him up and help “mentor” him a bit (not that Sagan really needs it at this point) and go for the odd result himself.

Aw man! if Sagan got picked up by etixx then the other teams wouldn't stand a chance. They would be the Boels-Dolmans of the mens peloton. any decent support for him at all would change alot of those 2nd place finishes.
Harminator says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:39 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Boom
3. Cancellara
4. Boonen
5. Rowe
gmk69 says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:43 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Zdenek Stybar
2. Lars Boom
3. Fabian Cancellara
4. Niki Terpstra
5. Peter Segan
Christopher says:

Apr 7 2016 at 8:47 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Cancellara
2. Rowe
3. Sagan
4. Boom
5. Kristoff