Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wiscot says:

Apr 7 2016 at 1:33 pm
@chuckp

That would be unexpected but I think he's too light. Tommeke's legs weigh 148lbs.

VSP PICKS:
1. Boonen
2. Cancellara
3. Vanmarke
4. Stybar
5. Sagan
dinosaurJR says:

Apr 7 2016 at 1:34 pm
@dinosaurJR
Whats for Sunday dinner? Pavé; Sur la Plaque.

Yummy.

VSP PICKS:
1. Faboo
2. Pinchy Sagan
3. Whaleshark
4. Sep VanMarcke
5. Luke Rowe
Whaleshark is big Tony, in case anyone wondered (it isnt mapping).
wiscot says:

Apr 7 2016 at 1:35 pm

@hudson

I'm not sure Lefevre could afford Tommeke AND Pinchy and if he was to sign the latter, the former might leave, unless he's willing to end his illustrious career as a full-time domestique.
MangoDave says:

Apr 7 2016 at 1:39 pm

@frank

The only danger for you lot is more and more of you are putting the same rider in two places and whenever that happens we’re just deleting both picks from the system and, if we can be bothered, we let you know here in the thread. Don’t Piti Principle that shit, people. For cereal.

I've often wondered how much trouble I'd get in by having these as my picks:

1. E. Merckx

2. E. Merckx

3. E. Merckx

4. E. Merckx

5. E. Merckx
osbk67 says:

Apr 7 2016 at 1:51 pm
VSP PICKS:
1. Cancellara
2. Stybar
3. Rowe
4. Kristoff
5. Vanmarcke
CJ@178 says:

Apr 7 2016 at 2:45 pm
VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Stannard
3. Cancelara
4. Stybar
5. Boonen
Yagerbomb says:

Apr 7 2016 at 2:49 pm
VSP PICKS:
1. Peter Sagan
2. Fabian Cancellara
3. Sep Vanmarcke
4. Luke Rowe
5. Zdenek Stybar
Alex_Todo says:

Apr 7 2016 at 3:05 pm
@Philonius

haha, yes, thanks, I hadn't read the new...

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Cancellara
3. Stybar
4. Boonen
5. Kristoff
brett says:

Apr 7 2016 at 3:10 pm

@Harminator

@frank

@Bianchi Denti

Finally. FFS.

I’m sorry to burst your bubbles but Ive just got back to Lille after riding Orchies to Carrefour and nothing looked like that. There was heavy rain yesterday but not sustained. The forecast is “chance of rain” but it looks like the odd squall. As soon as rain passes the wind quickly dries the stones. The wind was hellish strong from the south west today. Very damaging. The last stretches of Mons en Pevele and Carrefour were killer. I’d be happy to be wrong but a muddy Roubaix is not looking likely.

Here’s @el franco arriving at Carrefour.

So you got to the café before @el Franco?
Bianchi Denti says:

Apr 7 2016 at 3:15 pm

@Harminator

@frank

@Bianchi Denti

Finally. FFS.

I’m sorry to burst your bubbles but Ive just got back to Lille after riding Orchies to Carrefour and nothing looked like that. There was heavy rain yesterday but not sustained. The forecast is “chance of rain” but it looks like the odd squall. As soon as rain passes the wind quickly dries the stones. The wind was hellish strong from the south west today. Very damaging. The last stretches of Mons en Pevele and Carrefour were killer. I’d be happy to be wrong but a muddy Roubaix is not looking likely.

Here’s @el franco arriving at Carrefour.

Hi Rickx! So jealous, but good to hear that you guys are enjoying yourselves. Hi to Alex and William.

My photo was from our memorable KT2015 Saturday ride through hell. I posted it as an offering to the weather gods to encourage them to piss all over du Nord.