Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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justindcady says:

Apr 8 2016 at 3:51 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Cancellara
3. Vanmarcke
4. Boonen
5. T. Martin
hudson says:

Apr 8 2016 at 4:25 am

@wiscot

@hudson

I’m not sure Lefevre could afford Tommeke AND Pinchy and if he was to sign the latter, the former might leave, unless he’s willing to end his illustrious career as a full-time domestique.

Yeah, i have no clue when it comes to the financials of a team and what type of budget they are working with. I could probably google it but i like to pretend these guys race purely because they love it. But if i HAD to make the choice as the boss, I'd slip Tom his pink slip under a big bottle of something expensive, and take the guy who's got 10+ years of phenomenal racing coming his way.
Kunanyi says:

Apr 8 2016 at 4:32 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Fabian Cancellara
2. Sep Vanmarcke
3. Peter Sagan
4. Jens Keukelaire
5. Zdenek Stybar
bea says:

Apr 8 2016 at 4:56 am
Tommeke will do it

Cancellara can do it

Vanmarcke deserves to do it

Stybar should have been Van Avermaet

Sagan... well... there is no getting around the guy...

And now you'll see benoot will win. That would be great!!

VSP PICKS:
1. boonen
2. cancellara
3. vanmarcke
4. stybar
5. sagan
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 8 2016 at 5:03 am
@paolo

@chuckp

My new dark horse pick … Phil Gaimon. 6’1″ and 148 pounds. The perfect build for L’enfer du Nord.

http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/04/news/surprise-phil-gaimons-racing-paris-roubaix_401781

Just read this and I am moved to note that he’s also an exceptionally nice young man to boot. Last September on a very hot Saturday afternoon my friend Julian and I were climbing Latigo. An Iconic climb in the Santa Monicas. Both of us have 50 well in the rear view mirror now. I was well ahead and Phil passed me. I forget which domestic team he rode for last year but the bikes were Diamondbacks. As he sailed passed me I recognized him and said hi. Later Julian told me that half way up the climb he was out of water and stopped for some shade under a tree. Phil stopped to check on him and gave him some water from his bidon. You just wont ever see anything like that in any other sport I think.

This is really great! Thanks for sharing. I love hearing first hand accounts of such encounters with "famous" people. Gives me faith in the present and hope for the future.

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Sparty
3. Tommeke
4. Luke Rowe
5. Stybar
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 8 2016 at 5:05 am
Really great article about the most heartbreaking of all P-R's for us North American sorts.

Also was when I was a wee lad o'18 years and still had stars in my eyes. Remember this all one too well.

Re-watched it on the rollers yesterday at lunch on youtube. Such a race!

http://www.cyclingweekly.co.uk/news/latest-news/cycle-sports-classic-race-1990-paris-roubaix-61915

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Sparty
3. Tommeke
4. Luke Rowe
5. Stybar
CanuckChuck says:

Apr 8 2016 at 5:45 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Spartacus
2. Vanmarcke
3. Sagan
4. Stybar
5. Tommeke
TurboJoe says:

Apr 8 2016 at 5:52 am
VSP PICKS:
1. Alexander Kristoff
2. Zdenek Stybar
3. Fabian Cancelarra
4. Tom Boonen
5. Sep Vanmarcke
chris says:

Apr 8 2016 at 6:19 am
Spin the wheel time.

VSP PICKS:
1. Sagan
2. Rowe
3. Stybar
4. Faboo
5. Vanmarcke
Skip says:

Apr 8 2016 at 6:25 am
After watching the video Brett posted I just can't not pick Boonen. It may be a long shot, but since my odds of winning the VSP overall are low, I might as well go with my heart.

VSP PICKS:
1. Boonen
2. Vanmarcke
3. Cancellara
4. Sagan
5. Stybar