Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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brett says:

Apr 10 2016 at 5:43 pm

@dyalander

In the tradition of “Boom Shake the Froome”, “That’s Nibali” and Elextrci Six’s lesser known “Stybar” I’ve now got a slightly adapted Suffregette City stuck in my head.

“Hay-Man, don’t care ’bout no broken bone.

Hay-Man, he’s gonna win on the stones…”

Was singing this straight after the finish!

" Hay man, disbelief on my face,

Those brutal blue stones just put my spine out of place..."
sthilzy says:

Apr 10 2016 at 5:43 pm

@frank

I had not truly appreciated the awesomeness of Sagan’s bike handling to avoid crashing with Fabian. Fabian made a classic mistake of getting on the side of the crown which can be treacherous, especially in the mud. But Sags just rides right over Fabians bike. Also in the slippiest bit of the pavé! Amazing!

Stuck the landing one footed!

Lucky Fab's didn't do a collarbone!
Barracuda says:

Apr 10 2016 at 5:46 pm

@LA Dave

What a beauty of a race and a really nice win for a journeyman like Hayman. He’s only (only?) won 8 races in his 13 years as a pro and at age 38 makes PR his number 9? Only 6 weeks removed from a broken arm? In a break against one of the greatest classics racers of all time? I smell a screenplay some where in this story.

EBH, Stannard and Sep rode a great race and Tommeke managed them in the break perfectly giving a performance worthy of his legendary status. Today was a day that second place could not be called first loser, if this was his last race he can walk to the showers head held nearly as high as if he had won.

But all that said my MVP of the race has got to go to Tony Martin. The massive pull he took starting in sector 19 to distance the Spartacus/Sagan group should go down as the stuff of legend. He absolutely turned him self inside out to keep Boonen and the others on track and nearly singlehandedly made the final selection of riders. If you ask me the three podium finishers should chip in to send Martin a bottle of Dom, because without his work the chasers most likely bridge and who knows what could have happened.

This race is the heart and soul of cycling, and today’s edition was one for the ages. Can’t wait for next year.

Your liggetism aside, I agree. I found myself shouting at the TV for no one in particular, just enjoying the moment and not caring who won, VSP not withstanding, as the race and cycling was the winner. Well said.
dyalander says:

Apr 10 2016 at 10:39 pm

@brett

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

You gotta love the workhorse win - Vansummeren had a bit of the unlikely rock-star about him (although it may just be that he reminds me of the lead singer of Space Hog - who remembers In the Meantime?) - Hayman is more of knockabout - an experienced old head who knows the score, but instead of being grizzled and jaded, he's kept a spark and now he's got his reward: http://cyclingtips.com/2016/04/hayman-on-his-extraordinary-paris-roubaix-win-there-is-no-way-i-expected-it-would-end-up-like-this/
ChrisO says:

Apr 10 2016 at 11:31 pm

@dyalander

@brett

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

You gotta love the workhorse win – Vansummeren had a bit of the unlikely rock-star about him (although it may just be that he reminds me of the lead singer of Space Hog – who remembers In the Meantime?) – Hayman is more of knockabout – an experienced old head who knows the score, but instead of being grizzled and jaded, he’s kept a spark and now he’s got his reward: http://cyclingtips.com/2016/04/hayman-on-his-extraordinary-paris-roubaix-win-there-is-no-way-i-expected-it-would-end-up-like-this/

BTW, Hayman mentions all the time he was spending on the trainer in his virtual world.

He was using Zwift a lot, even took part in some of the group rides and races.
RobSandy says:

Apr 11 2016 at 12:36 am

@Harminator

@Mikael Liddy

MATTY FUCKEN HAYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to like about this win. He’s a genuine tradesman. I snapped him as he came to the last turn at Carrefour. He looked dropped. At least 8 lengths. I gave him an earful. The mood afterwards was very sombre. Even the French were hoping for Tommeke’s V. Stunning win.

What a shot, really shows the state of those 'roads'. Puts the succession of attacks in the last 10k into perspective - they all must have been utterly shot.
hudson says:

Apr 11 2016 at 4:32 am

@ChrisO

@dyalander

@brett

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

You gotta love the workhorse win – Vansummeren had a bit of the unlikely rock-star about him (although it may just be that he reminds me of the lead singer of Space Hog – who remembers In the Meantime?) – Hayman is more of knockabout – an experienced old head who knows the score, but instead of being grizzled and jaded, he’s kept a spark and now he’s got his reward: http://cyclingtips.com/2016/04/hayman-on-his-extraordinary-paris-roubaix-win-there-is-no-way-i-expected-it-would-end-up-like-this/

BTW, Hayman mentions all the time he was spending on the trainer in his virtual world.

He was using Zwift a lot, even took part in some of the group rides and races.

I didn't know anything about this guy, but what a great veteran. 15 Roubaix, finished them all, holy smokes, what a accomplishment in itself! A humble and deserving winner, he's got a fan in me. He seems just as much to be a fan of the sport as well as a pro too, very cool.
wiscot says:

Apr 11 2016 at 7:18 am

@Gianni

@ChrisO

I was thinking that too, better that it be unattainable. But he came awfully close. What a monster race.

I need to come down.

I was gutted for Tommeke - so, so close, but each rider in that five man break would have been a worthy winner. That being said, to lose a race by so little that means so much, Boonen showed unbelievable class on and off the podium. No scowling, no petted lip. Happy for Hayman. It's why I love Queen Marianne and Tommeke, even when they don't win, they show exceptional sportsmanship.

Caught a bit of the Masters in the afternoon. Didn't see too many guys at Augusta finishing on their knees with the tank drained dry and they get what? $1.5M for the win?
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 10:00 am

I was gone all weekend, soooooooo painful not to be able to watch it live. Followed it by smartphone live ticker--NOT the way to experience it for sure!

And now I cannot find any decent, "Last 30/45/50/60+ kilometers of the race" videos on youtube. They must be locking those feeds down b/c it was such a cracker of a race.

Man, I hope they loosen up sometime as I am dying to actually watch the actual race unfold!!!
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 10:04 am

@frank

I had not truly appreciated the awesomeness of Sagan’s bike handling to avoid crashing with Fabian. Fabian made a classic mistake of getting on the side of the crown which can be treacherous, especially in the mud. But Sags just rides right over Fabians bike. Also in the slippiest bit of the pavé! Amazing!

Fucking unbelievable the way he rides right over Sparty's steed, almost goes into a complete endo, keeps it upright and recovers. And all the while it is a Keystone Cop episode behind him as all the other riders just fucking faceplant in the same circumstances.

Damn!