Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2016

The brutal stones of Paris-Roubaix

Every time I’ve ridden the Roubaix pavé, I’ve peed the next few days like I got VD from some dirty cobble. That might not really sell the non-believer on the pleasure of riding the sacred stones, but there truly is nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Here in Seattle, we have cobbled climbs and they are by all rights legitimately rough. But they pale in comparison to the brutality of the Flemish kasseien, and the Flemish kasseien pale in comparison to the French pavé.

When riding the cobbles, I sometimes find myself almost having an out of body experience, amazed at the fact that bicycle and rider are carrying on in a generally forward progression. On one occasion, I even found myself staring at a bidon that had ejected from my Arundel Mandible bidon cage, which itself says something about how rough the ride was. The bottle seemed to hang in the air for a moment as time slowed and I wondered firstly how the bidon had found its way past my top tube, and secondly whether I should fight the strangely strong urge to try and catch it.

Several of our V-Community brethren are over in Lille as we speak, riding the cobbles with our friends William and Alex from Pavé Cycling Classics and swilling Malteni like fools. They are over there because the thrilling sensation of savage shaking when you hit a secteur at speed from the smooth tarmac followed by the sense of overwhelming relief when the shaking stops as you return once again to the smooth pavement is an itch you have to keep scratching.

Sunday is Paris-Roubaix, the Queen of the Classics. And this time, it really does look like it’s going to be muddy and raining. Thank Merckx. Recall that Tom Boonen is the only favorite in the Peloton who has raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, in 2002. Fourteen years since a muddy edition. Fourteen.

Will Boonen make it an unprecedented V wins? Or will Faboo come good and tie the record to join Boonen and de Vlaeminck? Or will Pinchy do the double and take his second monument? My money is on rain and an upset winner.

Don’t forget that the VSP Series winner takes home a custom Don Walker and that the runner-up gets a set of handbuilt Café Roubaix CR Wheelworks Arenberg wheels. Third place get a V-Kit. So start your prognostications on the start list, pray to whatever deity that melts your butter, and get your picks in by the time the timer goes to zero.
[vsp_results id=”41032″/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next How To Watch Paris-Roubaix »

Previous « Test Drive Dummies

View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 10:05 am

@Harminator

@Mikael Liddy

MATTY FUCKEN HAYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to like about this win. He’s a genuine tradesman. I snapped him as he came to the last turn at Carrefour. He looked dropped. At least 8 lengths. I gave him an earful. The mood afterwards was very sombre. Even the French were hoping for Tommeke’s V. Stunning win.

Holy SMOKES what a photo! Chapeau to you! THAT is riding the crown. One of two places to ride the pave'. Super, super photo.
Buck Rogers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 10:40 am

@wiscot

@Gianni

@ChrisO

I was thinking that too, better that it be unattainable. But he came awfully close. What a monster race.

I need to come down.

I was gutted for Tommeke – so, so close, but each rider in that five man break would have been a worthy winner. That being said, to lose a race by so little that means so much, Boonen showed unbelievable class on and off the podium. No scowling, no petted lip. Happy for Hayman. It’s why I love Queen Marianne and Tommeke, even when they don’t win, they show exceptional sportsmanship.

Yes, that is the only way to properly express it. I am just gutted for Tommeke. But yes, he is pure class and I pray that he keeps riding at this level for another few years yet.
chuckp says:

Apr 11 2016 at 11:09 am

@frank

I had not truly appreciated the awesomeness of Sagan’s bike handling to avoid crashing with Fabian. Fabian made a classic mistake of getting on the side of the crown which can be treacherous, especially in the mud. But Sags just rides right over Fabians bike. Also in the slippiest bit of the pavé! Amazing!

The term here in the US for what Sagan did is "monster trucking."
hudson says:

Apr 11 2016 at 11:29 am

There could possibly be a bit of good news for Tommeke not winning....My theory was and still is that if he had won this year would have been his last. Since he did not, we may be treated to Tom Boonen destroying the cobbles one more time in 2017!
wiscot says:

Apr 11 2016 at 11:39 am

The thing is, Tommeke obviously still has it. Give him a couple more years and some bad weather and he still has a chance at the record. Nice to see Hinault, Duclos-Lasalle and Moser testifying to the awesomeness of the race, praising Boonen but giving Hayman props. Interestingly, no comment from DeVlaeminck.

There were no rookies in that final selection of five. A few years ago, Boonen would have romped home by a few lengths in that sprint but he'd burned a big, big match chasing Hayman down.

Here is a really crappy little excel spreadsheet I just made of the latest two greatest riders of P-R and of RDV and Merckx's results.

I was feeling REALLY bad for Tommeke but then when you think that not only did RDV have four wins, he also had four second places, it is not quite so bad for Tommeke.

	Ridden	Finished	Top 10	Top 5	Podium	Third	Second	Won
RDV	13	13	13	10	9	1	4	4

Merckx	12	12	10	7	5	0	2	3

Tommeke	13	12	11	8	7	1	2	4

Sparty	12	11	8	7	6	1	2	3

Buck Rogers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 11:54 am

Sheeez, that looks even worse now that it posted. The whole top row shifted to the right a bit. Sorry about that!
chuckp says:

Apr 11 2016 at 12:24 pm

@wiscot

I was gutted for Tommeke – so, so close, but each rider in that five man break would have been a worthy winner. That being said, to lose a race by so little that means so much, Boonen showed unbelievable class on and off the podium. No scowling, no petted lip. Happy for Hayman. It’s why I love Queen Marianne and Tommeke, even when they don’t win, they show exceptional sportsmanship.Caught a bit of the Masters in the afternoon. Didn’t see too many guys at Augusta finishing on their knees with the tank drained dry and they get what? $1.5M for the win?

I wouldn't be gutted about Tommeke. He didn't lose RBX, i.e., got caught and passed at the line. He just didn't win. Difference IMHO. The fact that he was able to smile afterwards says it all.

Comparing bicycle racing to golf is apples to oranges ... if that. Golf is hard in a whole different way. Professional athletes get paid for what the market bears for their particular sport. And as golfer (not very good one) with a daughter who is a very good golfer and has tremendous potential (not that she'll turn pro), I don't begrudge pro golfers anything that they win/earn. Each of them is essentially their own man/woman. They don't draw a salary (yes, I know almost all of them have some sort of sponsorship and the best of them have more in sponsorships than they do in winnings). Nonetheless, they are responsible for paying their expenses. And they don't collect a check unless they make the cut. On any given tournament week, about half of those who entered go home with empty pockets but still have expenses associated with playing.
bea says:

Apr 11 2016 at 2:27 pm

@wiscot

Actually RDV did comment, but I'm not sure I should translate it...

http://m.nieuwsblad.be/cnt/dmf20160411_02230203

(Basically he says he's happy boonen didn't win. He's probably the only Belgian who feels that way.)
Beers says:

Apr 11 2016 at 3:48 pm

@bea

@wiscot

Actually RDV did comment, but I’m not sure I should translate it…

http://m.nieuwsblad.be/cnt/dmf20160411_02230203

(Basically he says he’s happy boonen didn’t win. He’s probably the only Belgian who feels that way.)

He was the man on the bike, and one of my riding heroes, but he is coming across as a bit of a dick in his comments...

I was going to cry if Tom won, I'm man enough to admit.

He got boxed in, pure and simple, first by SVM (He is a fucking wheel sucker extroadinnaire until he has the opportunity to attack later in the race, I don't like it, but this makes him a very smart racer, like Gerro) then by Stannard (he had a great ride).

I dunno if Tom will get that opportunity again, the crash and subsequent Panzerttack put the split that he needed over Sags and Fabs. If Sags and Fabs made the selection, as they may well do next year, they would have it over Tom in the velodrome I think. With a year of good form building, he could be in with a better shout though (Not at RVV, just the flatter PR). He certainly looked stronger than I have seen him, I kept yelling at him to get off the front!

Toms attack in the final few km's where Hayman bridged, I was standing and screaming at him to go. I had to apologise to my mate, as I was at his house, and it was 3 in the morning. "Just tell your neighbours it's your crazy mate".

A fantastic race!