Velominati Super Prestige: Ronde van Vlaanderen
Ok, ok, settle down now people. Take your seats please. You’re all a little bit on edge, like some cycling Gamblers Anonymous group that’s been let out for the weekend with a pocket full of bills and the name of the nearest bookie. But in your excitement, you managed to crash our server, delaying the fix you so desperately crave.
But wait no more. You’ve warmed up on the gateway races, now it’s time for the hard stuff, as grimy, rough and unadulterated as the roads of Flanders themselves.
You see, there’s this bloke I know who knows a bloke, hangs around the Velominati bike sheds, seems to know a bit about the racing game. Reckons he’s got a sure bet for the weekend. A cert. A dead-set shoo-in. Number 1 in Race 3 of the VSP at Flanders. Fella reckons you could put your left one on it. Absolutely Faboolous or something he’s called. He’s got form (and, judging by the way he shelled the nags on last week’s card, possibly a motor). But word is there could be a late plunge on the other fella, Boom Boom Boy, so maybe a bob each way might be the way to go. I’d watch out for those not-so-roughies though, the likes of Gilbert, Devolder, Ballan and Thor will be waiting to pick up any leftover chaff and could steal away the win, leaving you as frustrated as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.
So what’s it gonna be then? Take the sure thing, or the other sure thing, or throw a dart at the board and hope it sticks? It’s time to study the form guide, search the dark recesses of your soul, throw out any logic, and pencil in your picks on the ticket provided at the bottom of the comments. Whether you’re canny, savvy or just plain tinny, the coveted Obey The Rules bumper sticker is waiting. Is your bumper worthy?
The only thing for certain is that bicycle racing will be the winner on the day.
@Ron
How did I miss this? We’re mixing issues here. He looked PRO; he was winning de Ronde so he necessarily looks PRO. However, also looked like shit. Bad kit, bad shades. Looking PRO and looking GOOD are two separate things.
I may as well weigh in here too as I was thinking about this on my ride just now probably instead of riding as hard as I could have been but I’m two months from peaking on a reverse taper.
What I think Faboo is saying is “Hey look, I was the dude laying down the V all day and everybody else was just trying to respond to me. Chavanel layed down some V too and so did Nuyens at the very last minute but not as much as me, anyone can see that who watched the race. And as far as next week goes, expect the same. I’m a V laying mutha fucka and I’m firing off the guns again and it’s going to be up to everyone else to beat me. That’s just the truth.”
We say shit like this all the time around here or tell each other to HTFU, etc. Granted it’s largely tongue in cheek there’s certainly some truth and intention about it. I picked up the same from Fabian. To sit here behind a keyboard and say we expect humility and grace out of one of our most lauded riders who is the perfect amount of dumb is a bit contradictory of us, imo.
I’d like a bit of Katy Perry, but other than that, I don’t know what that means…
@Marko
Yep, I love Faboo…
I definirely agree with you (both)
I think Spartacus just found himself a new translator!
@G’phant
I understand where G’phant’s coming from, but I disagree After Boonen being my #1 pick, I root for Fabian. However, if he makes the kind of modest comments you suggest, he’ll end up sounding like an NBA player, a golfer or worse, a NASCAR driver. These guys say nothing worth quoting or original that hasn’t been said before by everyone. I can’t believe the reporters even ask questions; they could make the comments up on their own and they’d be spot on 99% of the time. While I still find Cavendish a bit of a pain at times, he does speak his (young) mind on occasion and that’s what the sport’s pr machine feeds on. For any sport to thrive it needs its stars and like it or not Cavendish is a star.
I also like Boonen and Cancellara because they speak very good English. Kudos to Tyler F too for his Dutch. Too many athletes are monolingual.
As for looking PRO, Armstrong gets failing marks for wearing his grey dress socks on the bike (see pic above.) And while I’m on a rant, what’s with the whole unshaved face look? I don’t recall Merckx, Coppi, deVlaeminck or any of the stars of yesteryear showing up looking scruffy. Hell, Koblet carried a damn comb with him! It’s all part of looking PRO in my opinion.
You’re hot and you’re cold.
@frank
I think that this is simply a difference in culture, personally when i hear Cav speak, there’s vast amounts of humour in it, just usually of a black variety, but i think that its cos i’m English and from the north that i hear it. And when it doesn’t have humour, then he’s generally right in a Fuck Off kinda way. Could be worse though, he could be mouthy and not winning.
@all
In case you feel you deserve more points than you got, you can now dispute our mapping of your picks (we may hand this whole mapping business over to you at some point in general at some point, btw). Just click the link “dispute” and it will go into a queue for us to review it and see if we mapped it wrong.
Piti Principle applies, so don’t be a dink and cause us a bunch of extra work by disputing picks just for the shit of it. Remember that we can award penalty points at our sole discretion for disputed picks that we feel were submitted for no good reason.
Anyone else twitching like a smacked up ferret about the thought of Paris Roubaix? With Welly Roubaix coming up this weekend too I’m in for a lot of bad weather bike fun.
Rule #50…
“One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.”
@Sam
Exactly.
@Frank and other Keepers, may I humbly suggest the need to load up the VSP page for PR a little earlier than previously so as to extend the agony of making your selections and the pain that comes from second guessing ones self until 5.30 Pacific time, whatever the fuck that translates to in OZ.
Just to add:
L’Equipe had an interview with Cancellara yesterday in which he said (at least by my translation) that Boonen’s attack on Leberg was the key to the race, forcing him (Faboo) to break away so that Boonen wouldn’t sit on his wheel the rest of the way. Also that teams like Quickstep and BMC were racing to see him lose rather than to win themselves and that he would rather finish 3rd than see Boonen win. He also said that Nuyens won by smart racing but that it was “of no value” to the team to win like that, a fact that Riis should know.
These points have been evoked here already but it was an honest interview (not like we have typically here in the US as has been mentioned).
No ida if this is true but it should be if it isn’t, linked from a tweet by Flammecast.
[Eurosport] Commentators talking about the Paris-roubaix sportive. They said Sean Kelly took a look at all the questions on the entry form and just scrawled across it ” I won the Race twice” and signed his name under it!
Whether true or not, that’s fucking brilliant! I need to figure out how to get into the P-R Sportif as I am going to be THERE next year and am planning on riding it! Cannot wait for P-R this weekend!!!
@Buck Rogers
Whaddya mean you need to figure out how to get into it? You’ve just been given the answer: scrawl ‘I won the race twice’ on the form – like the other 5,000 people who’ll now be doing likewise …
@G’phant
Of course! What was I thinking?!!? :)
So it appears that Cancellara’s words were taken out of context and/or linguistically misinterpreted by the media – what a surprise.
@xyxax
Fucking awesome video that. I’m still grinning.
Thanks for the link.
@El Segundo
Ha, forgotten all about that. And now they’ve gone and taken the orgasm out of the Ronde.