Ok, ok, settle down now people. Take your seats please. You’re all a little bit on edge, like some cycling Gamblers Anonymous group that’s been let out for the weekend with a pocket full of bills and the name of the nearest bookie. But in your excitement, you managed to crash our server, delaying the fix you so desperately crave.
But wait no more. You’ve warmed up on the gateway races, now it’s time for the hard stuff, as grimy, rough and unadulterated as the roads of Flanders themselves.
You see, there’s this bloke I know who knows a bloke, hangs around the Velominati bike sheds, seems to know a bit about the racing game. Reckons he’s got a sure bet for the weekend. A cert. A dead-set shoo-in. Number 1 in Race 3 of the VSP at Flanders. Fella reckons you could put your left one on it. Absolutely Faboolous or something he’s called. He’s got form (and, judging by the way he shelled the nags on last week’s card, possibly a motor). But word is there could be a late plunge on the other fella, Boom Boom Boy, so maybe a bob each way might be the way to go. I’d watch out for those not-so-roughies though, the likes of Gilbert, Devolder, Ballan and Thor will be waiting to pick up any leftover chaff and could steal away the win, leaving you as frustrated as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.
So what’s it gonna be then? Take the sure thing, or the other sure thing, or throw a dart at the board and hope it sticks? It’s time to study the form guide, search the dark recesses of your soul, throw out any logic, and pencil in your picks on the ticket provided at the bottom of the comments. Whether you’re canny, savvy or just plain tinny, the coveted Obey The Rules bumper sticker is waiting. Is your bumper worthy?
The only thing for certain is that bicycle racing will be the winner on the day.
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The old lady behind Faboo's helmet is pure class.
@Steampunk
I think Faboo would like to ride away at Roubaix next week, I just don't know he'll be able too. If we could ask him, I bet he'd say this year's Ronde took more out of him than last's. Could be a week past his peak. It is a flat race though which could help. I'd say really good chance of a sprint in the 'drome. If Tommeke is in the selection he becomes the next RDV. Everyone will be talking Thor but I'm not seeing it, as much as it hurts, I'm not seeing it.
Any native Italian speakers? I'm curious what Ballan's "tiger meat" note is all about, I'm sure there's some 'eye of the tiger' type meaning that I'm missing not being a native speaker.
Ballan's notes to himself.
@Troy
He was channeling Charlie Sheen - hoping for a bit of "Winning"?
All she needs is a cigarette hanging off her lip to make it absolutely perfect.
@Steampunk
Too funny. What do you think he does the other 364 days?
@Buck Rogers
Isn't it the clinical term for "twat-like"?
What an outstanding race all around, buckets of V dumped on the bergs today!!! I wanted Fabian to win coming in and even moreso after the way he rode today but what an outstanding performance by Sylvain as well, I think I was actually a bit more heartbroken that it was Nuyens who took the edge at the line instead of the Frenchman. Gilbert's attack late was a valiant attempt but Boonen and Sagan, hell Liquigas as a whole and much moreso, were disappointing. Liqui was nowhere to be found all day and I really thought Boonen was about to pull something specail when he attacked at 49k or so but he seemed to fade hard after that before his final charge toward the finish. I think he made a tactical mistake going so early and Fabian made an equal mistake in going with him and then away when did... Easy to say from the sofa though! Great race!
@Steampunk
'Fraid so. The fact that they were the only team with a plan makes it worse; they got the two worst places you can get: Second is the first loser and in this kind of situation means there is no reason not to win other than poor decision making when it counts; Fourth is the worst place of all as it's just off the podium.
You race to win, nothing else has any real meaning. They did show a great plan for the most part, but they broke down under pressure, and Boonen - who broke my heart and who knows this finish better than anyone - left it too late. He was coming up quickly and could have done it if he'd (a) gone with the move and (b) bridged up sooner. Boonen was very strong, albeit weaker on the bergs, but generally showed a lack of focus and was rather inattentive.
Lessons to learn for next week; I'd love to see him join our man de Vlaeminck.
Once I figure out what order to say the letters, I'll get around to looking up the meaning. Fuckers.
@all
Gotta say, the Flemish commentators put everyone else to shame. It's unreal. First of all, they seem more objective than everyone else; you listen to American commentators, Aussies, French, Germans...all they talk about is their own riders who are usually shit in the first place and don't have a chance. The Flemish talk about everyone equally. Very educational.
But their knowledge of the course is something I've never seen before - not just Flanders, but the other Belgian races I'm watching that @G'Phant sent me; the know everything down to where the potholes are. Today was amazing, they were coming up to a chicane and the guy goes, "OK, now you need to be on the left, not the right, because if you're on the right there's a pothole and you either have to go around it or jump it, and you'll lose a wheel. And he was right. You see the guys on the right have trouble.
Incredible. I charge you all with leaning Flemish, or cheat like I do and just learn Dutch. Flemish is almost the same except they use some French words now and again. Just kind of a sloppy Dutch with a really over-emphasized rolled "r". Must be why the Dutch hate Belgians.
@Marko
Your ability to pick shit out of pictures is second-to-none. Chapeau.
Lanterne Rouge on both list what a great start for the season.