You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for longer – his Flanders win notwithstanding. Instead, he’s making ridiculous suggestions along the lines that wet muddy cobblestones don’t belong in the Tour de France. That’s crazy talk, yo. Of course cobbles belong in the Tour, just like being able to eat an energy bar without crashing out. Being able to eat without falling off should be a requirement for completing any race just the same as having some bike handling skills and making sure you have overdraft protection at the V-Bank, that’s basic bike racing.
But despite his recent whingings, I still love my Fabs, which means he’s got absolutely no chance of winning the Worlds. But this is a man who would do the bands some honor, provided he sign a contract with the Style Police (Velominati) that he “Shant Wear Le Knicker Blanche”. Seeing the bands crushing the cobbles during the Cobbled Classics is something we’ve been deprived of for too long. Speaking of which, I fancy my other man-crush Boonen has a shot. I’ll be happy if either one wins. Maybe Boonen will show us his tattoo when he puts on the jersey.
So what do we have? We have a 20km loop with 300 meters of climbing per. That 300 meters is similar to my favorite gravel climb in Cle Elum, and while it’s spread over two climbs, we all know the “easier” climbs are sometimes harder. It reminds one of the Chambery Worlds when LeMond won a few years back; a solid climb a few km from the finish with a technical (wet) descent and lumpy run-in to the line. I don’t think this is a finish for a final-ramp attack specialist like Gilbert; this is a course for a true rouleur with some tactical sense, like LeMond. I’m not sure I know which rider that might be these days, but Fabs is probably pretty close.
In 1989, LeMond won on a similar route riding a 54/42. Sean Kelly rode a 53/39 so as not to burn out the guns on the many repeats of the climb. He also chose a 13-26 over LeMond’s 12-23 which tells you a thing or two about why we call him LeMan around here. He got over the climbs and when it came to the sprint the massive 54×12 he was turning was no match for Kelly’s 53×13. From what I understand, this singular moment is the Ghost of Lost Opportunity that comes to knock at Kelly’s door at 2am most often.
So who is going to win? I don’t know, so don’t ask me. I’m just here to provide some bad writing you can skip over on your way down to the Picks Entry form. All the interesting stuff will be in the posts, as usual.
Good luck, and remember there are some serious prizes on offer for the overall. Go get em, cowboys and cowgirls.
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View Comments
@frank
Uh oh. I love the way my 53 cm frames look and 60 cm bikes looks weird to me. Either way, after spending most of my life competing in sports where height/size were major factors, I'm fucking thrilled to be onto cycling. I can draft you big fucks, you can draft me if you want, but it ain't gonna help much, and it's much easier to tow myself up the hills.
Gerrans. YUP! I'm exactly the same height/weight, which makes me dig him more than his largely ugly kit. 171 cms and 65 kgs, whooo boy. I've found the sport for me. American football was painful. Try blocking someone weighing 50 more kilos. It fucking blows.
I also hope Kwiatkowski gets home to Poland and eats as many pirohies and drinks as much piwo as his lil' skinny frame can fuggin' handle. Beer and dumplings all around, my friends.
@Mikael Liddy
HEY NOW! No one is allowed to talk about Tommeke!!! Of course he has always been squeeky clean for fuck's sake! Who cares that he dumped dopers off his wheel left and right throught he golden years of doping (and even left the biggest ass dopeyDoper George in the ditch). And I am sure that it had NOTHING to do with the fact that he went under Museeuw's tutelage right when he hit it big, b/c we all know that Museeuw only doped AFTER he started to suck, right?
Fuckin great ride with pure panache at the end. But mostly I am just glad that the whiney bitch Sparty and fuckin Malmerde (relative to what I feared he would do) did not do well.
Now to add some more gas to the fire I will say that the Women's "Race" (if you can call it that) SUCKED amazingly. Fuck, I wasted the few minutes I wasted looking at that shit. I am sorry but soooooooo fuckin much of women's racing is just sitting in for 150 k's and then someone sprints. I cannot STAND to watch it and will not watch it anymore. And I am not sexist, the sport just SUCKS! Sell it all you want but it's pure shite! And Vos and Longo were dopers, too!
So there!
@frank
Watching that, maybe Vos didn't get dropped, maybe she's psychic.
@Ccos
Vos was dropped well before that crash. If you watch a longer version she rolls through the mess about 30 seconds later. Lucinda Brand (bib 11) is the psychic.
@Harminator Exactly my point. Vos rolled through safely after the crash. Brand was just lucky. Never underestimate the blessings of the V.
@Buck Rogers
Tommeke has jumped the shark. Exhibit A:
@Harminator
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, God truly is dead. Cancel the rest of my clinic, it is time to go and cry in the corner by meself for the rest of the afternoon.
@Buck Rogers
That photo does the man no justice, but it does look like he's on the path to slimming down for a GT or two.
@Mikael Liddy
Yes. Green patch bewilderment here too. Way to take an iconic symbol and fuck it up.
Maybe Switzerland is planning to annexe a third of Italy. (You heard it here first.)
Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Worst commentary ever. Uncle Phil has lost his marbles completely. He's so far behind the action it's like he's watching a delayed telecast without his spectacles. Missed MK slip away on the descent, didn't notice he'd latched onto the break then didn't notice his big launch off the front until he was 50 metres up the road. Then some generic drivel, a couple of cliched phrases. Tries to create tension where none exists. Misses the actual tension. Suggests MK sat up to celebrate too early. Oops. Got that wrong too. Jose Been not much better.