Velominati Super Prestige: The Men’s Elite Road Race

He will have to rediscover The V. Photo: Tim Kölln

You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for longer – his Flanders win notwithstanding. Instead, he’s making ridiculous suggestions along the lines that wet muddy cobblestones don’t belong in the Tour de France. That’s crazy talk, yo. Of course cobbles belong in the Tour, just like being able to eat an energy bar without crashing out. Being able to eat without falling off should be a requirement for completing any race just the same as having some bike handling skills and making sure you have overdraft protection at the V-Bank, that’s basic bike racing.

But despite his recent whingings, I still love my Fabs, which means he’s got absolutely no chance of winning the Worlds. But this is a man who would do the bands some honor, provided he sign a contract with the Style Police (Velominati) that he “Shant Wear Le Knicker Blanche”. Seeing the bands crushing the cobbles during the Cobbled Classics is something we’ve been deprived of for too long. Speaking of which, I fancy my other man-crush Boonen has a shot. I’ll be happy if either one wins. Maybe Boonen will show us his tattoo when he puts on the jersey.

So what do we have? We have a 20km loop with 300 meters of climbing per. That 300 meters is similar to my favorite gravel climb in Cle Elum, and while it’s spread over two climbs, we all know the “easier” climbs are sometimes harder. It reminds one of the Chambery Worlds when LeMond won a few years back; a solid climb a few km from the finish with a technical (wet) descent and lumpy run-in to the line. I don’t think this is a finish for a final-ramp attack specialist like Gilbert; this is a course for a true rouleur with some tactical sense, like LeMond. I’m not sure I know which rider that might be these days, but Fabs is probably pretty close.

In 1989, LeMond won on a similar route riding a 54/42. Sean Kelly rode a 53/39 so as not to burn out the guns on the many repeats of the climb. He also chose a 13-26 over LeMond’s 12-23 which tells you a thing or two about why we call him LeMan around here. He got over the climbs and when it came to the sprint the massive 54×12 he was turning was no match for Kelly’s 53×13. From what I understand, this singular moment is the Ghost of Lost Opportunity that comes to knock at Kelly’s door at 2am most often.

So who is going to win? I don’t know, so don’t ask me. I’m just here to provide some bad writing you can skip over on your way down to the Picks Entry form. All the interesting stuff will be in the posts, as usual.

Good luck, and remember there are some serious prizes on offer for the overall. Go get em, cowboys and cowgirls.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Steampunk

    @Minnesota Expat

    Now that you mention it, I've never liked Gerrans. His smile, perhaps?

    Gerran's face reminds me of a comic book illustration of an eight year-old boy. Maybe it's an Australian thing (insert emoticon here). But what a beast. We were on the barrier at the 100m point of the finish in Montreal when he went by at 60+ kph (40+ mph in Murica). Impressive.

  • Have we jumped the doping shark already? merckx almighty! the new womens champ is 22 and french national champ in 4 disciplines. is she doping also?

  • @RedRanger

    Have we jumped the doping shark already? merckx almighty! the new womens champ is 22 and french national champ in 4 disciplines. is she doping also?

    or dare we ask, the woman who has won the bands in 3 separate disciplines & seems to simply win every race she puts her mind to?

  • @Mikael Liddy

    @RedRanger

    Have we jumped the doping shark already? merckx almighty! the new womens champ is 22 and french national champ in 4 disciplines. is she doping also?

    or dare we ask, the woman who has won the bands in 3 separate disciplines & seems to simply win every race she puts her mind to?

    4 disciplines.

  • @piwakawaka

    @frank wow! 99.9999% wow! It's not like he came out of no-where, tell us more, is it his past teams, Caja Rural, Radioshack, does he have connections with certain 'Doctors' , I had hoped he was part of the future of our sport rather than the past.

    Honestly, its the jaded past, right? I feel the same about the Columbians despite my hope all of them are clean. I guess thirty years of seeing riders jump to the top from (almost) nowhere is hard to shake.

    I agree he hasn't come out of nowhere but its pretty close. Last year was a taste, this year is pretty crazy. Before that, nothing. Is it because he's clean and the bunch is getting cleaner? I hope so, but muscle memory is hard to shake.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micha%C5%82_Kwiatkowski_(cyclist)

  • @Minnesota Expat

    @frank

    @Steampunk

    Actually I think I figured out why I don't like him. He's too short. His bike looks stupid. Case closed.

    Whew! It's a good thing Simon Gerrans didn't win, he's only 5'7"³!

    Where you around when Gerrans won MSR? I started WW3 because I hate that twat so much.

    Actually, I hate him a lot less now because he actually went and apologized to Andy T after the crash at the Tour even though it really was 50-50 as far as fault goes. That was a classy move and I can forgive him his small mouth for that.

    @Steampunk

    @Minnesota Expat

    Now that you mention it, I've never liked Gerrans. His smile, perhaps?

    It's his small mouth. Robbie McEwen had the same problem.

    Fuckin' hell its great to be a fan and release all this pressure to be rational somewhere, isn't it? I have to be a professional for like 80 hours a week. Its great to have an outlet.

  • @Minnesota Expat

    For the record, my bromo is Polish, first gen. Fucking class act and I love everything about him and Poland - especially his dad who is the awesomest and most Eastern Euro dude you will ever talk to.

    Our kits are made there as well. I'm not being funny about Eastern Europe; I'm being funny about countries who are suddenly showing amazing Cycling prowess.

  • @frank or it's because he was Twenty-Fucking-Two before that, cycling isn't a sport where you're winning things of any consequence in your late teens. Interestingly, have a look at the breakout year your man Tom had when he was 24 compared to the previous 3...

  • @Mikael Liddy

    At least he had the stones to try & attack the race, if you want to talk about an uninspiring win, have a look at Gerrans or Malmerde (as much as I'd have cheered an Aussie win) both taking half pulls while their group was chasing Kwiatkowski so that they'd have more left for the sprint. Tactical racing it may be, but the V it ain't.

    I didn't say his ride was uninspiring, I said he's un uninspiring rider. He was indeed the only interesting part of the race apart from wondering how the Spanish team came up with their kit. I have to assume it was bad acid. And Gerrans doing half pulls is what I expect of him. Just sayin'.

  • @frank absolutely, it's Monday morning and I'm already half a day behind cos I'm busy arguing with you. I love it!!!

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