Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@versio
LeMelvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me.
Anyone else cringe when the bidon bounced off the barrier and bounced through the peloton on Stage 2? Happens at around 2,3 km left (3:22:40 on the NBC streaming). Looks like an Argos-Shimano rider just lays it down.
@Marcus
Spot on. Its been hard to get over all that shitty business (not to mention spitting at Hennie after Cav himself caused the incident back at the Tour de Suisse a few years back) and idiotic salutes, but he’s maturing nicely and is one hell of sprinter, winning from leadouts or without support just the same.
And you gotta love the black bibs with those bands. Classiest WC strip in ages.
@Bianchi Denti
What the heck were you doing during the summer of 1986 ?
@Bianchi Denti
Forgive me, but you know not what thy Fuck you speak of.? Is there some connection between Greg LeMond and Public Enemy ??
@versio
Ahh, crafty lyrics. I was blind, but know I see. You do know what thy Fuck you spoke from…
@meursault
DOO ITTT!! Worth the money. Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to get stuff on the cheap or free. Giro, Briko, Smith, Spech. My teams sponsor is Rudy Project and I’d pay full retail for it. It’s nice, clean looking and durable. But one word of warning. If you’re going to go big and drop full retail for this years top line helmet, the Sterling, you won’t be able to be Rule #37 compliant. The strap in the front comes out from between the “foam” and the shell instead of inside the “foam”. Put your glasses arms over the straps, and they fall off your face when you look down. My teammate told me about it. But it is a nice piece of headgear. And,
if you are one of those folk that has to order over the inter webs, because there is NO LBS within a days drive, know it runs small too.
Oh and:
@frank
Definitely agree. I’m also interested in seeing what direction his career goes after such a successful year (with more to come I’m sure). Will he continue to develop as a sprinter? or perhaps work on his long TT and climbing skills to go after a more GC focused direction. I wouldn’t rule any option out at this point.
And speaking of sprinters (which I’m not), how about this shit right here? I love watching guys suffer uphill, but there’s something about the flat stages too. At the end.
@scaler911Greipel must tear bikes the fuck apart.
Tyler Farrar has completely lost the plot. Hope he can reinvent himself like Jalabert was able to do post 1994.
i never had a Rule #37 issue. i have he same helm and i run Rule #37. mr king is also. i have one and love i.
also im no drunk, coffee go on m keboard and is broke.
@RedRanger
TYVM for all this info, really tempted now, maybe do it, tell the VHM after…
It would appear some of the pro have had the same thoughts regarding the helmets
I think I’ve discovered where Giro got the inspiration for Millar’s helmet:
Now I want Garmin to take the lead in the TC so we can see it in yellow!
@itburns Yup, that made me wince too. Almost looked deliberate, it was so dumb.
@itburns
@Chipomarc
Your living room is a shrine to 1988 – such nostalgia. In 1988 my room looked exactly like this except there was a Saracen mountain bike in front of the fireplace.
I’m liking Sagan’s Tourminator paint job, though I’m not sure he actually uses it as his race bike – maybe just for visits to the candy store?
@Chris
At least the kit matches!
@sthilzy (Ipad hard to get image url)
@Dr C According to the Cycling News’ live feed he’s riding it today. It’s fucking hideous but regardless of the actual looks there’s something about riding an overtly custom painted bike on the Tour that doesn’t seem right. One stage win isn’t enough to be shouting “Look at me, I’m Mr Bigcock!”
Twattish behaviour like that is what got everyone calling Cav Cavendouche
While the Garmin-Sharp ‘Error-O’ helmets do look complete shit, luckily for them, they look worse on Rabobank in white and orange. I can’t imagine anyone ever looking back on this TDF and saying “wow – they looked so badass back then”. I may be alone in this, but there is absolutely nothing aesthetically pleasing about time trial bikes/gear and it seems like the sport is moving more toward that look full-time. I’m not a fan.
Can someone explain the Morkov strategy? Out in the break every day for 1-2 KOM points. His lead is gone the second someone tops a HC climb in front of him. Just TV time for this guy?
Fuck it. Hesjedal been caught up in a crash. Hope he’s not losing time.
Another one. This time forcing Siustou to abandon. That’s the first of Wiggo’s helpers out.
@meursaul if you email me at Julian.e.santana@gmail.com I can send you some links. That is if Rudy isn’t sold in your area. In the US that is.
Cav proving something I’ve long suspected: just losing weight doesn’t make you go any faster uphill. Being lighter just makes it possible.
I’ve tested this theory by losing weight and gradually going slower and slower uphill.
@razmaspaz im guessing a sponsorship issue
It amazes me the way the Sagan Wagon manages to get over hills and can still go so fast in the sprint. Incredible.
Go Chaves!
Just as the words, “Wow, that was a beautiful, clean win by Sags”, he has to go and do a dip shit move like that. What a twat.
did wiggins crash
Don’t have a video feed here – what did he do Frank?
@razmaspaz
Yes, TV time = money, especially for a team who hasn’t really any hope for the GC, a jersey, or is even all that likely to win a stage.
He’s just trying to build a big enough lead that he holds the jersey to the mountains – he has no intention, I imagine, to keep it all the way to Paris.
@the Engine
First he crossed himself, which was fine, followed by the less traditionaly ‘imaginary running’ arm movements.
Have to agree, impressive win, shit way to do it. He is no Velominati.
Holy shit! The replay of Cav riding up the berm to avoid the crash was nutso! Nice riding to stay off the ground!
@ChrisO
MC Hammer did that sort of thing and it didn’t end well for him – he’ll be wearing low crotch shorts next mark my words
@RedRanger
Nope. He got stuck behind a crash but it was about 500m to go so he (and others) got the first group’s time.
Of course it’s always possible that Sagan knows about this site and is fucking with our heads.
We could test this by pointing out some spectacularly douche type behaviour that we don’t like in an article on here. If he takes the bait and actually does exhibit said behaviour the next time he takes a stage we can hatch a cunning and despicable plot to discredit him for sins agains the Rules by planting further suggestions in his head.
@frank
Cav also took evasive action as he got cut off in the intermediate sprint. Then he found another line and burned the
bunch. But he wasn’t happy…
Re Sagan:
Show me a 22 yr old slaying the world’s best to win stages in his first TdF and behaving with style and humility
and I’ll show you the loch ness monster.
@harminator
that about sums it up.
@RedRanger
Hah, yup. I’m playing catch-up as I was unable to get the feed I purchased working on Sunday, but got everything resolved last night and watched Stage 1. His arm flexing after crossing the finish was fairly douche-tastic. I think I actually liked Alberto’s annoying pistol move better.
But considering what typical 22-year old kids would be doing at the douchebag popped-collar bars on Friday nights, or at their buddies house, or whatever – seems fairly typical. Wish I could ride like him.
And I guess to be fair and point out some good sportsmanship, the Euskaltel rider who was in the stage 1 breakaway and lost the mid-stage sprint point to the other rider (can’t remember who now) and actually rode up and gave him a congratulatory fist-bump afterwords.
Maybe I’m a wuss but I think that is way cooler – sure, grind your competitors into the dust but give them props when they deserve it and show a bit of humility at the same time. I’ll always find that way more classy than outright gloating.
@mcsqueak Morkov?
@harminator
Ummm, Before he became a ass-hat:
@RedRanger
That’s right, it was Morkov and it was actually a mountain point, because I remember the camera motorcycle being unable to pass the other riders in the group and couldn’t follow those two as the broke away to fight for the point.
@harminator
Maybe, so he’s just like any other silly kid… doesn’t mean we can’t wish he was a cut above in style as well as performance.
I think Tom Landry is attributed with castigating players who indulged in exuberant touchdown celebrations with something along the lines of “You’re the Dallas Cowboys – when you get the ball in the end zone act like you’ve been there before.”
@mcsqueak
It tends to be people who have something to prove – either because of an inherent lack self-assuredness or because they struggle to win/don’t win very often – who wind up showboating, coming up with weird salutes, and justify negative racing by stating that a win is a win. If you win enough, you learn pretty quickly that a win isn’t a win – a win you steal is one you’re never really all that proud of; a win you take strongly and fairly is one you can think back on with pride. Those wins help you grow as person.
I find that people are are sure of themselves can win by racing positively and do it with dignity. In that situation, you often find them, as you say, grinding each other to dust, but being able to congratulate one another for a good win. Usually, if you’re secure, you can be OK getting beaten in fair game.
That’s why Sagan’s Stage 1 win and wins like that get under my skin; Sagan had no reason not to work and by working would have only negligibly increased his risk of losing the stage; Fabian could never match him in a sprint – even if Sagan was riding in front. Had they worked together, he’d have given up his tactically superior position, but they’d have stayed clear of the bunch and he’d still have beaten Fabs with the added notch in his belt that people like me (and Fabian, for that matter) are walking around saying he was the weaker rider, which he probably wasn’t, or that it wasn’t a clean win.
There’s nothing wrong with the win he took or with the salutes he’s throwing around; it just speaks to an immaturity, insecurity, and personality that I’m not fond of, that’s all.
Here’s a classy salute from a classy rider: