Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@frank Eventually, The Man with the Hammer will slap him (Sagan) on the back of the head.
@scaler911
his sitting on cancellara’s wheel wasn’t such a shame. his celebrations, despite that they’ve made me laugh, have been.
but hey, gives everyone something to get all opinionated about. instilling in people that level of emotion over something that is really ‘no-harm’ might just be an inherently good thing, no?
I think the things that bug me about Sagan is his “too cool for school” smirk on the podium and that his salutes are not so much youthful exuberance, but really more of a piss take. I’m sure more than a few pros may share Robbie Hunter’s opinion.
The picture of Boonen is class because he is class and has indeed “been there before” as Tom Landry might say.
@frank
Yeah, I’m not opposed to a fist pump or raised arms or whatever, as clearly if you win a stage you are going to be very very excited – it’s a really big deal and means you just got paid a bit more! I just think some people take it overboard and I feel it lacks a bit of class. Not everyone needs a to do a “signature” salute when they win.
My 3rd place victory salute after the Seattle cogal was to wear my sunglasses for the next 4 hours, through a rainstorm. It was pretty subtle, you probably didn’t notice. I like to keep it classy like that.
@ChrisO That’s exactly what I was thinking.
the tom landry “been there before” rule is a great rule.
Peter Sagan is an adorable little beast, and if he wants to do the funky chicken, then what’s it ever he play, it’s got to be funky.
As for old Chappy, I look forward to seeing him build his repertoire of winning moves and winner’s dances for the next 15-20 years.
@Chappy McPappystackings
I think this guy has the rights to the funky chicken salute:
I didn’t think it was so bad – thought Safan was paying tribute to Robbie McEwen’s Lloyd Christmas salute but then I hear he says it was Forrest Gump. Keep in mind he is from Eastern Europewhich means styLe and subtlety aren’t natural. And lighten up – he is 22 FFS.
Interestingly Joe Dope Trafficker Papp compared Sagan’s salutes with Ricco’s and then used ellipsis. Making a very big inference.
@frank forget about Sagan being obliged to lead with Cance. First and forevermore it’s a bike race. You try to win them. As Oli said earlier Sagan would have been very stupid to have “helped” Cance (who was trying for GC seconds too – and should have been more certain on his goals) and then not won.
@wiscot >>>his “too cool for school” smirk on the podium
That’s not it: he’s European. That’s just how they look.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36919288@N08/3943704068/
@mcsqueak
Third place isn’t a victory. You didn’t even win at losing!
@metalface
Indeed. Brilliantly succinct way of getting to the point I labored over. In Velominati vernacular, I suppose we might say you have to be casually deliberate. His salutes are definitely deliberately deliberate.
@Marcus
You must not win very often, do you, sweetheart? I’m sorry. Also, a question about the races you contest: do the aussie teams hire a pile of Kiwis to ride in the wind for you, because none of you seem to be willing to do that little bit1. Which also explains your defense of Sagan not needing to be more awesome.
* Missed the discussion earlier that you reference and really can’t be bothered to look it up. Was out enjoying myself outside with family and friends Sunday and taking a holiday from Velominati.
1 With the notable exclusion of Stuey “Badass” O’Grady
@Chappy McPappystackings
Because I’m afraid its just too big a tragedy should people choose not to click the link:
Going to swim against the stream here, but the salutes don’t bother me at all. I don’t have the wisdom or knowledge of the sport that you guys have, but as a noob, it just looks like a bit of color to me. In the ITV interview, Sagan said it was a reference to his mates, and the movie Forest Gump. I can see why this kind of thing could be seen as disrespectful towards his competitors, but I am sure they will do their talking on the road, if they feel the need.
Having said that. I love the Landry quote above, and absolutely loving the Tour in general.
@frank
It’s a victory when you don’t get lost. Twice.
@RedRanger
Hi, yes would be interested in more info, I am in UK tho. I tried that email, but doesn’t appear to work. TY.
@mcsqueak
We just felt the ride didn’t have enough climbs or distance. It was deliberate. Casually Deliberate, in fact.
@meursault http://www.ribblecycles.co.uk/pp/road-track-bike/Rudy-Project-HELMETS-ROAD/RUDYZHEL
@RedRanger
Nice one ty ty
From William Fotheringham article in online The Guardian
Since 2008 the Tour de France organiser, Christian Prudhomme, has been seeking to liven up the race with the inclusion of hillier stages and a proliferation of hilltop finishes. This was a stage that exemplified his race routes, with five small hills in the final kilometres, roads that constantly twisted and turned, little climbs that gave way to vertiginous descents that fell into a village with road furniture or a hairpin with poor camber.
The problem with Prudhomme’s predilection is that it introduces a lottery element into the race because a route of this kind virtually guarantees that there will be crashes.
My question is, if this is known, why don’t teams have a strategy to cope with it. Such as breakaway at say 40 or 50k?
While were (rightly) dissing the shitty new Giro lid, anyone had a gander at the Bell that Phil Gil’s wearing. That’s sweet looking! Pics 7 and 8 here: http://www.steephill.tv/2012/tour-de-france/photos/stage-01
re sagan.
Sagan also revealed that his “running” celebration at the finish in Boulogne had been inspired by Forrest Gump. “It came about after asking one of my teammates what kind celebration I should do if I won today. He told me to copy Forrest Gump because they told him to run and that’s what he did. And he said the team tells me to win and I win,” he said with a bit of giggle.
“I always like to put on a bit of a show for the fans who have come out to watch. When I was younger and watched sport on the TV I used to like seeing moments like that. I used to love seeing Valentino Rossi because he used to celebrate his victories in really memorable ways. Everyone used to watch to see how he would celebrate and I like to entertain the fans in the same way.”
Ok, Sagan’s running thing looked a bit dicky, but it wasn’t disrespectful at all. Just a kid having fun beating the big boys. Cav did some dicky salutes in the past too, when he was the new kid. As long as they’re not giving the finger or spitting at second place, let em look like dicks.
Why is there a picture of that Tammy man/woman there? Is that supposed to be Lance? Is it Lance? Are they the same person?
Re Boonen’s Roubaix salute; it’s easy to say that’s classy when it’s a still frame. He was milking it from 5km out, and the whole lap and a half (yes, ChrisO…) of the velodrome. He’d tried just about every salute bar the running man on his way to the line!
@wiscot
I have the white version of that; love it. Light, classic, awesome.
I maintain that the new Giro is still less ugly than Wiggo’s helmet shown here:
@RedRanger
I’ll say this; at 22 he’s pretty impressive.
@brett
Yep. That’s Lance.
@brett
Well, I hated Cav for it, I might as well hate Sags for it; I am a bit overstocked on hatred now that I think I might like Cav and its burning a hole in my pocket!
And is that Bobby J next to him? Someone please give him a sammy.
Lap and a half! Lap and a half! But he was just fist-pumping and being enthused, nothing out of the ordinary, though him riding no-handed from 3km out with his arms in the air was maybe a bit lengthy.
As far as gimmicky salutes go, if you’re going to do an homage to something, do make it so fucking complicated that no one gets it until you explain it. Its like telling a joke, its no fun after you tell people why its funny (believe me, I know). Museeuw, case in point. Not my favorite salute, but at least we all got that it was about his busted-up knee that weren’t busted up no more.
@scaler911
Why is there a picture of that Tammy man/woman there? Is that supposed to be Lance? Is it Lance? Are they the same person?
Surely not… and Bobby J behind him? No, those are women, surely. Steroid munching, hormone injecting, penis growing women.
@brett
If you are referring to the picture I posted, that’s Lance in full on precancer Big Tex mode, and the other one there in the Frogskins rocking the full on Depeche Mode look is Bobby Julich.
@frank
When you say you were out enjoying yourself with family and friends, did you really mean to say that you spent the weekend in a crack house smoking ice? Because your post sounds like you are fucking high. In answer to your drug-addled questions:
1. I certainly don’t win as often as I would like (unless you include the Sheen definition of winning) – but I know that if I raced “to win friends” as you seem to espouse, I would suck even more.
2. Not sure what you are getting at here (because you are high) – Niether Orica nor BMC has a Kiwi rider in the Tour? But I guess you might be harking back to Gerrans when he won MSR? Again, not sure if you are, but if you are, HE WON. Story over.
And I think you will find the reputation of Australian cyclists as domestiques was forged a long time ago.
Tomorrow will be a bitch when you start to come down.
And all you Wiggophiles out there – if this race was held 5 years (or so) ago, your boy would have lost serious time today. Very lucky indeed. Remember the stage to Carcasone in 02 (I think) when McGee won (thats right Frank) but Lance was held up in a bingle and then rode like a man possessed to only lose a few seconds? Wiggins would have lost a lot more.
Eric Heiden showing the only proper way to cross the line first
@brett
Couldn’t agree more Brett. I think Sagan’s salutes are a bit brash, but they don’t feel disrespectful to me, where I always cringed at Cav’s because they felt like he was putting his competition down (I’ve always been a fan of Cav’s…but many times felt a need to apologize for it).
Having read a number of interviews with Sagan he definitely doesn’t seem to be a jerk, but rather a talented young rider who considers himself lucky to be as good as he is at what he does.
@Marcus
I can’t describe how disappointed I am that after I set this up perfectly and have anticipated all day our classical duel that was sure to come as a result of my baiting, that you resorted to the inane argument of the average 7th-grader: are you high? So disappointing, and sadly this can’t be undone.
Just think – this could have been us.
@versio
@RedRanger
@frank
I think Marcus has lost his edge, perhaps he’s going through manopause. I expect him to be banned for enthusiastic use of an Asthma inhaler, make a brief comeback and be little more than a shadow of his former self.
@frank
@minion
Oooh an unholy alliance between Frank and Minion. This could be a little interesting.
So Frank, what did you actually mean about Australians not liking riding on the front? Given the patent idiocy of this notion, I asked you to explain yourself. How can I be expected to respond with substance when I cant understand the premise of your argument?
And as for your obsession with doing something more than winning by winning in some sort of manner that fits with your fairytale view of sports, well we have been down that track too many times.
Cuddles looking very good by the way.
And as for you Minion, well, I don’t even know where to start.
@Marcus
The premise of my argument is that as I’m to understand from your assertions that you are the compass by which Australian Cycling measures itself, and your loudly articulated delight at any win that involves wheel-sucking together with your frustration at Cuddles taking the race by the balls, showing panache, and riding at the front up the Galibier (both times) to secure his win in the Tour last year, that Australians have something against riding in the wind.
As usual, you confuse my criticism for a racer’s conduct with with whether or not I think they rode a smart, tactical race; Gerrans and Sagan in particular this season have taken wins in which they played a crafty little game of chicken with the other rides. There is nothing wrong with it, and its an ages-old tactic that gets played over and over. The riders they go against have a choice in each of these scenarios, and their choices involve finding different ways of losing.
Riding from the front and making the race, that’s what excites me. Its a personal choice; I enjoy watching bike racing principally because it inspires me to ride my bike more. My criticism is based purely on which rides and riders make it into the little book of Awesome I keep at the bedside and in my jersey pocket – the little book of races that inspire me when I’m out on the road in the pouring rain alone for 10 hours, trying to figure out how I’m going to motivate myself to do what I am about to do. When I’m out there hammering the pedals, I’m never dreaming of sucking some rider’s wheel to the finish. I’m out there dreaming of panache. I’m out there dreaming of laying it on the road and soloing away, of riding from the front. Those are the wins I like, those are the wins that inspire me. Making the race, not being a passenger in it.
Sagan’s win was smart and it was good, and he had to ride like hell to spot Faboo’s move and go with it. But a ride like that would never inspire me to go out and train, or to get into Cycling in the first place. Evan’s ride up the Galibier would, though. So would the Grimplette’s ride up the same mountain. LeMond’s ride up Luz Ardiden certainly did, over and over again, in fact.
So, yes. A fairytale is probably good way to describe it. Bike racing isn’t war, or a fight to the death. Its supposed to be fun.
@frank
@Marcus
FFS, when @minion becomes the arbitrator and voice of reason, things are out of hand. Go to cyclingnews forums and sort it out, or I’m gonna shut this site down!
@frank
Except that when Boonen employs exactly the same tactic – (Flanders this year) he’s like God.
Sagan sat on Cance in order to be in the best tactical position – not to suck his wheel. Faboo tried to sucker him into leading into the final stretch but he didn’t buy it. But no way did Sagan find the extra strength to win by sitting in his draft.
BTW Australians love riding in the wind. That’s why we go so well in all the TT’s. Rogers, Porte, Durbridge, Cuddles et al. But out on the road, there’s so many of us – we can’t all ride on the front!
Plus its nice to give some Americans a go – so they have the chance to feel like winners now and again.
@Bianchi Denti I kneel before Bianchi Denti in subordination. He has exuded wisdom where none was required. He knows da word. And da music. Thus “” plus one…
@brett
Fuck you Bretto – we are trying to bring back the Old Velominati – where pointless arguments carried the day. I dont even know what I am arguing with the big Dutch Monkey about. All I know is that, as Harminator implied, when one of Frank’s favored riders (eg. Boonen) wins, they do it with style. When one of his non-favored riders (eg. his illogical and unfounded dislike for Gerro), suddenly they arent playing fair and he throws his toys out of the pram.
Frank would be fun to race against. There is no doubt that if he wasnt executing suicide breaks, he would be the patsy chasing them down for the rest of the bunch. All it would take is, “You look strong Fronky boy.” and he would be putting his nose in the wind like a dog out a car window.
@Marcus
A nice calming irrational logic that we seek. Where when others just chime in. And the More V answers most anything. Ahh, the-what-the-fuck…
@wiscot
Sagan probably has a third testicle too.
@versio
If he had a third one he would have probably exposed it while crossing the line by now.
@Chipomarc
A+effing1!
That’s what I’ve tuned in to read!
@brett
Steady on there Shirley, don’t pretend you’ve been paying attention between texts and not doing any work. There’s a bike race on you know.
@Marcus
“Frank would be fun to race against. There is no doubt that if he wasnt executing suicide breaks, he would be the patsy chasing them down for the rest of the bunch. All it would take is, “You look strong Fronky boy.” and he would be putting his nose in the wind like a dog out a car window”
I think you just called Frank “French”. This should be good.