Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@Chipomarc
Strange that Phil touted Sagan to be “the new Eddy Merckx” of the Tour. Holy-shit-what-Fuck!
@Bianchi Denti Never thought I’d see PE quoted on Velominati! As @versio commented +1 Yeaah Boyeee!
@Marcus
Start with this sugarlips. Even our ads for shit beer are better than yours.
@minion
Niiiiiice.
Nice chatter about Sagan. My problem wasn’t his crappy victory dance but the fact that he wasn’t breathing heavy and every rider behind him was about to implode. As a bike racer, you don’t sprint up hill to the line and cross fresh as a daisy ready to do the chicken dance. So either he is a rediculous freak or he is Woody Harrelson….
@Skinnyphat
Or he has four testicles, and with two more ready to drop. And a set of lower lungs!
@Marcus
Look up ‘sarcasm’ mate.
I dragged Franky boy from before Hem to Roubaix, then he left me like a patsy by blowing through an intersection and nearly getting me killed. Heaps of panache there.
@versio
NICE! I truly believe in the ‘commentator’s curse’.
@Harminator
What Flanders did you watch? He certainly followed the moves on the Oude Kwaremont, but once established, the break all divided the work and in the final Boonen chased down every one of Ballan’s moves while Captain Neon Yeller sat in. That was a total class win. Exhibit A.
For the record, incidentally, I’m not a particularly big fan of Faboo.
@brett
Oh let’s throw in something entirely gratuitous shall we ???
I think you’ll find that on Boonen’s lap and a half there were no barriers across the track preventing him from actually doing a complete lap. That’s the problem with being FIRST, you have nobody to follow.
Mind you I was so far ahead of you and Frank I could have crawled the extra half a lap on my hands and knees dragging my bike behind me and you still would have been podium fodder.
Congrats though on your continuing Kiwi assimilation. Just like that other country with a severe little-brother complex… as PG Wodehouse said, it is impossible to distinguish between a ray of sunshine and a Scotsman with a grievance. ;-)
@Chipomarc
Yes… once Paul Sherwen and Bob Roll speak, then there will be no hope for him.
@frank @wiscot
What a fucking pointless foofurah!
Sagan can do WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. The moment we think that the ruminations of Robbie Hunter about losing are valid (good long history of that, boo hoo), we’re all lost.
As you pointed out Frank, cycling is supposed to be fun. If Sagan can fucking crush his opposition on a finish like that and do what he did, I think that’s great. The fact that he has the time at the beginning of the stage to take a poll as to what he should do as a victory salute WHEN he wins, (Thank’s for the suggestion Sylvester Szmyd) speaks volumes about his character and focus.
I’ve never heard him trash talk, unlike Cav in the past. ( that’s a whole ‘nother discussion. I’ve decided I really like Cav now) He seems like a pretty genuine guy to me.
Oh, and thanks to whoever it was that brought up the Joe Papp reference. Niiiiiice going casting that druggy cloud over him, without actually saying so. Clever.
I still can’t quite get over your Canc/Sagan wheelsucker concerns either. The point is, Cancellara needs to get a whole lot more clever about how and when he fires off the howitzers. If he gets beaten like that once, fair enough. Twice, maybe. Sadly, it’s much more of a pattern than that which seems to imply that he’s not adapting to the realities of bike racing.
Not fair you say? Doesn’t conform to your ideal picture of bike racing you say?
Rule #5, sunshine…
@brett knew it would be a case of do as Fronk says, not as he does.
And forget sarcasm, lets get onto the real point of last night’s stage – Wiggins got an armchair ride by being “stopped” and then didnt have to give it anything to the finish. That is a golden ticket in my book and very unfair for a Tour where there are only limited opportunities for the climbers.
I know it’s a safety thing, but to hand out the same time to positions 2 through 47?
@mouse
If Sagan had his druthers he could screw a chimpanzee — across the line [Primus DMV (Pointless reference)]
@mouse
That was me – and I was criticising Papp for making an odious comparison of Sagan to Ricco. Did you misunderstand me champ?
@versio
And the best thing about it is that he would have planned for it and carried the chimpanzee for the whole stage, only to whip it out (heh) when he got a good 20m gap at the line.
@Marcus
Clearly.
Reading comprehension not my strong point.
@brett
I dropped you like a patsy on the last secteur, more like! But you did drag me from Hem to Roubaix. Right off fucking course, too! I’m buying you a Garmin 800 for next year.
Of course, you were nice and fresh at that stage in the ride, seeing as you’d spent the whole day buried back in the bunch, while I was riding on the front with William like real guides should.
…And leading @ChrisO into oncoming traffic. In my defense, European traffic laws make no sense.
@Marcus
I would be fun to race against, if you like getting second place a lot.
@Marcus
That is a funny thing. I thought the rule was only valid for flat finishes; hadn’t realized it counted for uphill gallops as well. That Astana rider should be drawn and quartered, but that seemed like a finish where contenders should be at the front.
@mouse
Nicely put. If Cancellara gives anyone else a lift to the line we’ll have to rename him Spartibus.
@frank paying off an Astana rider to drop his bike in front of you at the bottom of a hill is not the silliest tactic in the world if you dont like technical hilly finishes
To understand Slovakian cycling, look no further than this. Sagan taking a spin class with Miss Universe contestants. With crappy euro beats. The kid never stood a chance
and this is the girls doing back in their natural Eurotrash habitat
@ChrisO
I would have thought the cobbles would give you the bike handling skills needed to ride around those barriers like I did, making me the first one to complete the lap and a half and therefor the true and noblest of winners of our non-race.
@Brett, you hear me? Fucking Garmin 800! If I’m sucking your wheel, I’ll at least be sure you’re heading in the right direction!
@frank
Read this little tiff. ok, come on, being able to hold cancellara’s wheel and then use him for a lead out not inspriring? Dunno. Agreed that it is more inspiring to break away w/ 100km to go and just decimate the peloton- bad-assery defined. But holding the wheel of an unchecked cancellara has its merits.
@ChrisO
Am i going to have to bring up the riding on the footpath through Arenberg? Didn’t think so.
@Harminator
That. Is. Gold. “All aboard the Spartibus. No tickets required. A free ride to the finish line of your choice.”
@frank
Hem was the last sectuer. I waited for you to catch back up, before getting us lost and handing ChrisO the chance to pull up short.
@Marcus
Twiggo was in the process of being dropped by Cadelephant and Co. He must have cried tears of joy when riders dumped it in front of him. I guess the because it was classed a flat stage the 3km rule applies. How they decided it was flat is anyones guess. Modfather dodged a bullet there and BMC are riding with confidence, Sky looks a touch out classed. Lucky Twiggo had an Aussie to break the wind for him.
@ChrisO ”
Congrats though on your continuing Kiwi assimilation. Just like that other country with a severe little-brother complex… as PG Wodehouse said, it is impossible to distinguish between a ray of sunshine and a Scotsman with a grievance. ;-)”
Gratuitous piss-taking of Kiwis is Marcus’ job. There’ll be hell to pay if he realises you’ve snuck into his sheep pen when he’s distracted by pointless arguments with Frank.
FWIW, I thought Sagan’s chicken dance was poor (because poor execution meant it wasn’t funny) but that his Forest Gump act was pretty good (because, being better executed, it was funnier). Neither struck me as the sort of chest-beating “I am a Master of the Universe so fuck you” performance we saw from CavendishTheYounger. Nor were either of them deliberately taking the piss out of the competition he had just vanquished.
Most importantly, though, let’s not lose sight of the fact that there was no mock baby-rocking or actual dummy-sucking. He is a long way short of plumbing the depths.
I want to see Juan Antonio Flecha win a stage. That man has the best personalised pose of triumph.
I forgot to mention Pistolero. The nadir of salutes. Gump it up all you like, Peter.
@ all… the first rule of racing is never do anything you don’t have to. Applies to everyone from Sagan down to me.
@G’phant Several points of order there, which I’m sure Marcus would agree with.
1. Piss taking of Kiwis is never gratuitous.
2. Piss taking of Kiwis is the God-given birthright of every Australian. I may not have lived there for 20 years butnobody can take that away from me.
3. Brett isn’t even a proper Kiwi. He’s an Australian who has gone to live among the Kiwis, and not as a missionary either. That makes him sub-categorie. Stateless people living in airport terminals have the right to take the piss out of him.
@ChrisO – Damn right
@ChrisO
3. Brett isn’t even a proper Kiwi. He’s an Australian who has gone to live among the Kiwis, and not as a missionary either. That makes him sub-categorie. Stateless people living in airport terminals have the right to take the piss out of him.
don’t be so hard on poor Bretto, his mum might be reading this again.
@g’phant
Good points, even though there are circumstances that made a dummy an appropriate prop for Sastre.
@ChrisO I just found out dislike agreeing with you even less than I like agreeing with Minion
@Marcus sorry / I meant like!
@minion There is no circumstance that could have made the dummy appropriate. Funky salutes is one thing, but props – and baby props at that – are a whole different thing.
Although perhaps I could have been swayed if instead he’d pulled out a cigar and pretended to smoke it – that’s how men are supposed to mark the birth of their child, not by sucking a dummy.
@Oli
I was hinting that Sastre was (and probably still is) capable of the world famous dummy spit.
I love how everyone points to the guy who got caught doing coke how many times as the classy individual.
Sorry but performance enhancing or not he lost my respect. I’ll take forest gump running man over coke head every time.
And I’m so tired of the Cav comparisons to Sagan. They both have the silly celebrations, but you find me one Sagan interview where he displays half the ass hat attitude that Cavendish displayed in his youth. The victory salute is for the crowd and the winning rider to savor. He can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn’t directly insult anyone…
If you don’t like victory salutes then definitely don’t watch this sport:
Or this one:
Or Maybe this one?
So much fail…
How come the youtube embed function doesn’t work anymore?
@King Clydesdale The Youtube links are refusing to work in protest of your wrong Cav calls. If you apologise the links will work.
@KC
Several things no worky at the moment I think – I can’t do quotes, but the site thinks I am.
I don’t want to piss on Sagan’s chips but I recall reading a report not long ago – about the time that Boonen I think was saying that Sagan needed to go to a team where he would get some mentoring in the Classics in order to improve. I think it was Patrick Lefevre at Quickstep who said they had spoken to Sagan after he did well in junior Paris-Roubaix and had won the world junior MTB championship. Basically they didn’t pick him up because he was mainly into mountain biking but even at that age with no senior results wanted too much money.
Maybe that’s just an excuse for having let him slip through his fingers, but if true it suggests someone who is in danger of getting carried away by success. If he is going to be the great rider that I hope he will be then he does need to have a bit of humility and reality because things won’t always go his way. Say what you like about Cav but he has a deep appreciation of the sport’s history and his place in it. I fear that Sagan would say “Jacques who ?”.
@King Clydesdale
It does work, but I can’t account for whatever it is you’re doing wrong. To prove to you that it works, I’ll go so far as to show you a video of a classy rider and a classy win:
@ChrisO
You might have some old code floating around. Empty your cache, because as you can see above, everything works fine.
What I’ve learned from Frank is that when in doubt clear the cache on bothcomputer and phone.
Stopped in at my parents this morning on my way to Tempe. Watching Rae race in HD and holy shit it’s amazing compared to the shit stream I am usually happy to get.
Fuck me! Nibbles got held back.
Have we done the Edvald Higgs boson thing yet? Perhaps wait until he emerges surprisingly from the peloton at some point…
Last night on my way over to the PDX Tuesday Night World Championships (which @G’rilla was in attendance!) two of my non-Velominati teammates and I were discussing Sagan. They brought it up actually. “I’m not sure how I feel about this Sagan kid” said one. “Ya, but he’s so fucking strong and the way he handled TOC and then Spartacus then the uphill finish today” says the other. “Today!!?? I told you I haven’t seen todays stage yet. Fucker now I know who won, what did he do? Ran like Forrest Gump. Well not sure how I feel about that”.
So it went. Then on a side note, while on the rivet, pulling the group of 60 some odd 1/2/3’s at 50Kph, I almost got taken out by the biggest Crow I’ve seen in awhile. Actually had to swerve and almost swept the #2 guys wheel. So is that a good sign?
And, happy National Drunken Blow your Hand Off Day to my fellow Americant’s. Remember it’s light and then throw.
@RedRanger
Seriously, the HD coverage is just incredible – especially after the SteepHill feeds I’ve gotten used to all year.