Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
Schleck has withdrawn from le tour.
What I’m wondering is, if one swaps out a rider that was a previous swap (-5) does it change to -10 or -15? I’m not changing but it looks to me like it would work that way (ie only -10).
@Marcus I was thinking that Valverde was a bit of a long shot, but you never know?
@snoov
You can only swap on one of the rest days. Swapping the first time means that you cannot do any swapping this time around. Unless, of course, you are just joking around and I am too much of an ass to realize it.
@Dr C superb.
Fuck it, I’m so out of the running, waiting for the Keepers to make a decision about Swovel the elder isn’t going to have me in the money anyway………..Right guys, wrong order, again………..
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cuddles
2. The Mod Father
3. Nibbles
4. J V d/b
5. Zoomy Froomey
I just don’t know why he’d be taking a diuretic during the tour – I know that they’re theoretically supposed to accelerate excretion of other stuff (like other drugs) but I was under the impression that most diuretic abuse in athletes was for weight loss by dehydration. That might be great if you’re stepping on stage for a bodybuilding competition or trying to make a fighting weight (or if you’re a fat, vain, bald Aussie spin-bowler) but why would you want to be dehydrated cycling a stage of Le Tour?!! It seems shaky – I reckon he’ll be cleared on his B-sample…
@936adl
@Dr C
@Adrian
re olympic road race viewing – i’m just going to but one of those green G4S security jackets on ebay and watch the race from wherever i want.
@motor city
* buy.
ride hard. smile often.
@Chris Did you not see him pulling the bunch over the Cat 1 Port de Lers on the last mountain stage? I think he’s fine.
@wiscot
Because you already used up your swaps on the first rest day (you should also see a message that says something to this effect). From the VSP rules page :
@heinous
I’m no doping expert, but I believe they are also used to mask other agents like steroids. Also have no clue what the half life is on this product, but they often take the dope before the Tour and test positive during as the shit is still in their system.
@all
The board has ruled on Schleckgate after consulting our Cogsigliere. We will not be allowing for a free swap of Fränk Schleck for the following reasons:
1. He has not been booted from the race (he withdrew), so the “free swap” rule does not apply
2. Moreover, not allowing swaps is not going to disadvantage anyone:
* He was well out of contention, with a TT to come, so no one is going to miss out on any points they would otherwise get from having him in their picks
* The only people who might think they are hard done by are the people who would swap him for a podium contender such as Froome. But that sort of thing would clearly violate the Piti Principle, and would result in such a massive deduction of points (not to mention being outed as a dooshnozzle) that the swap would not be worthwhile
3. The Piti Principle, by its nature as a rule of equity, provides overall discretion to ensure that technical rules are not used in a way which result in an unfair outcome. Allowing a free swap for a rider who is already out of contention clearly goes against the intended fair outcome of the VSP event.
I did a little research on Xipamide. I have absolutely no idea how Frank could think that it would mask the fact that he’s shite without his brother.
Kinda sick over this Schleck matter. So fucking demoralizing to have another positive case, from a high-profile rider, no less. Not to mention that personally, he’s my favorite rider and it just sucks on that level. IPA therapy session coming up tonight, I’m afraid.
You kinda wonder if this is payback from Bruneeyl after all the trouble they caused him, OR him not being there in France to handle these situations under the table.
Either way, Bruneeyl is the debil.
@frank I was thinking the exact thing. It seems that while in COTHO/2’s good graces, riders have been “protected”. Now, I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I don’t think it’s a huge leap for someone of a certain level of “moral flexibility” (especially if combined with a good dose of narcissism) to engage in a bit of sabotage. One wonders if, given what’s going on with USADA, COTHO2 isn’t doing a bit of Captain Ahab against professional cycling:
… to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.
“”Moby-Dick, Ch. 135
The problem of having a brother who’s also a pro cyclist? When DW TV covered Frank’s “problem” they showed a picture of Andy. Oops!
@frank Agreed. It’s such shitty news, especially, coming as it did, just as excitement should have been ramping up for tomorrow’s stage which has the potential to be really exciting.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. WIggins
2. Froome
3. Nibali
4. Evans
5. Van Der Broeck
@frank
Frank Schleck has always been a dirty birdy.
I would be far more demoralised if it was someone like an Evans (of course), Wiggins, Sagan, Cancellara, etc.
@frank
Poor Bruyneel, he just always gets stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Bringing back the ugliest jersey debate from a few days ago, Astana’s isn’t that bad:
@Marcus
Mmmm yes… Wasn’t there an incident with Daddy’s car and some Gendarmes a few years back?
@DerHoggz
too much yellow in my opinion.
Apropos of not much other than the NZ sheep jokes that surface here from time to time, the following is an advertisement for a Tasmanian farm equipment business called ShearEwe (geddit?). Apparently the subject of the shears is a Norwegian skier (not sure of the connection there). Advertisement has now been withdrawn because it was deemed offensive.
@Marcus Offensive to Kiwis, no doubt. Wouldn’t this be the equivalent of a man French kissing a cow to you lot?
Hmm, up in the air on this one…2/5 for me are definitely not going to be Top 5. Schleck & Eggtimer. Like to stand by my man(s) but…
Wonder how others might play this. I guess a lot of ya had Schleck, so that might be a wash. Hmm, going to be a restless night of sleep.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Ender’s Game
2. Froome
3. cuddles
4. Nibbles
5. Dirty Sanchez
As you can see from this pic, we’re not shy…
Or this one
@minion
Fixed your post.
I have a chance at shooting the moon on this one.
If all 5 of my original picks DNF, do I get a prize?
@G’rilla
No, you have to finish to get the Lanterne Rouge.
@ten B
you guys know the five stages of grief, right?
@Nate Belgians have done pretty well at the Lanterne Rouge. One guy won it three times and another earned it in consecutive years (1922-23).
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lanterne_rouge
@ramenvelo
Yes.
@ramenvelo
I’d say that where Grimpelder is concerned, the stages of grief are any that consist of an ITT.
Fucking ouch!
@Daccordi Rider nice to see some happy to speak up about it, Greg Henderson put something similar up this morning as well.
Were you heading up the freeway bike track last night at about 6.45? Went past someone in the Mittiga kit as I got to the bottom near the tollgates.
@Mikael Liddy No not me I’m afraid.
Frank must be gutted, it is bad enough being afflicted with Dirty Schleck love in any ordinary year, but this year they have just sucked spectacularly.
Care of @Greghenderson1 this morning as the story broke
Nice to see some of the pros who are obviously sick of this stuff speaking up about it instead of being kept quiet.
Holy moly, Eurosport coverage starts at 9:30 this morning! How am I going to get any work done?
The last time they chose to cover the whole day was the day after the two mountain stages in the Alps, yeah that’s right, the day the peloton decided to have a bit of a rest. I doubt that’s gonna happen today. Hoping to see fireworks.
@DerHoggz
Wrong place, wrong time for Bruneeyl………..or is he the common factor? Where there is smoke there is fire?
@snoov I’m expecting a ‘we need to talk to you about your internet useage / productivity / profanity’ chat any day soon at work.
@motor city
Yeah my employer has blocked eurosport player, think itv is still on though.
@meursault i can’t get any tv feeds, I’ll have the guardian rolling report, the telegraph rolling report, the team sky live chat (which is actually quite good) and this thread open and skip between all of them.
That damn chef that used to be at Astana who is now at RadioSchleck with his ‘special’ seasoning may know something?
First Samuel Smyth bottle of Taddy Porter necked,along with opening packet of crisps – gonna be a long day!!
@motor city
not sure if it’s geo blocked or not but give this a shot lads
http://media.sbs.com.au/cyclingcentral/tourtracker/
Shocking Shack shit continues. Christian “uh oh its a corner”, how do you crash off the side of a mountain when you’re going up?