Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
Horner returns…
Horner had punctured earlier in the stage, chased back to the peloton and then – at 38km – he was involved in an incident that forced him off the road just before a roadside barrier was in place… he tumbled down into the bushes but climb back up the steep hill, got another new bike and set off again.
The second oldest in the peloton of the 99th Tour, is back with the peloton now.
His group is 3’45” behind the escape group that includes the oldest in the race, Voigt (RNT).
@Chris
just getting rid of the rest of the pills, nobody will find them down there!
Having ridden the Aubisque, which felt like the longest and hardest of the climbs we did, it amazes me how the steepness just doesn’t come across on TV – it was also much cooler when we did it – but I just cannot believe how fast they are going up it – unreal !!
@Dr C They do a good job of keeping their faces relaxed, I’m often glad to be out the back of the hilly club ride so that no-one can see or hear me gulping down the wasps. Not so far back nowadays but still breath very heavily.
Good to see Cav at the pointy end of the peloton going over the Aubisque. How long can he stay there? Can’t see them sending him back to the cars on the climbs.
Great. They are going over the Aubisque and our Aussie TV broadcaster is showing their fucked “taste of France” segment where a French Aussie chef cooks some frog shit. And in even worse news the Aussie Olympic cycling it was unveiled today. Whilst green and gold doesn’t give you a lot of options the all yellow track skin suit they have come up with needs to be seen to be believed.
Not to worry about Frankie everyone. He was poisoned.
What a fucking joke.
@Marcus
Their excuse was that they had it streaming on their website from 7.30 (your time)…
I was just wondering if Voeckler was offering Feillu the stage for helping him get the points and the commentators started talking about the same thing.
“How long after the tour will we read a headline along the lines of: “Sagan wraps Porsche around a tree while taking part in a mother daughter threesome” ?- Drunk Cyclist.com
@Dr C
Beauty of a comment! Love it.
Liquigas at the front of the yellow jersey group has caused Cadel a bit of a problem.
Fuck me! There goes Evans out of the top five, possibly top ten? Hope he can recover!
what a crazy tour, yet boring as far as the GC goes.
@Dr C
That’s not good, it’s looking plenty steep enough on telly to me. Any feet down moments? (I’d stick a smiley in there but then Frank would delete my VSP picks)
TJVG given free rein or just taking it?
@scaler911
That kid is a rock star
I must say that Evans must have just reached that “age” when pros slow down. What awful timing. He was getting to be so damn exciting to watch. Now he’s exciting to watch, but I just want to shake the computer monitor and scream and jump and weep and look away.
Bugger.
@RedRanger
Just saw that, too. I give it until the night of a post-Tour crit somewhere in Germany.
@Erik
Yeah. Not looking forward to the post race interviews with him (if he gives any). Guy is painful enough to listen to when he is winning, but man, so bad when he is not.
Tommy V, what a display of the V. Last year yellow, this year KOM, brilliant.
@Buck Rogers
I hope he runs with it. Evans is toast.
Evans might be in trouble and might get dropped again -but you can’t deny his grinta!
Word just in from Uncle Paul and Aunt Phil that Tommy V has removed his computers from his bike today – no HRM, no speed, no power – with the intent to ride on feel.
Tommy V riding with the V Meter. Very apropos.
Also note how quickly the camera turned off him when he grabbed hold of that bottle.
He won’t wear yellow this year but I think Tommy V wins the tallest sock award from Wiggo. Damn those are ugly looking.
@frank
watching him talking to the team car on the descent, don’t think he’s wearing a radio either
Cuddles over 4mins back … ouch !!!
Nearly 5 mins back for Cuddles, Fack !!!
@Erik
Sagan and Der Kaiser loaded up on ecstasy at a “Disco”. Hopefully he doesn’t get a off season piss test that night.
Updated provisional results; @taon24 leapfrogs Dr C and moves into third, with @motor city rounding out the podium. Still no more than 1 point between contestants. Close event!
Provisional Race Results
1. WIGGINS Bradley
2. FROOME Christopher
3. NIBALI Vincenzo
4. VAN DEN BROECK Jurgen
5. ZUBELDIA AGIRRE Haimar
Provisional VSP Standings
1. taon24 (42 points)
2. Dr C (41 points)
3. motor city (40 points)
4. xyxax (40 points)
5. Belgian Boys Club (37 points)
6. huffalotpuffalot (37 points)
7. payaso (37 points)
8. Bill (37 points)
9. G’phant (37 points)
10. DaRCrider (35 points)
11. Trobs (33 points)
12. Chuckk (33 points)
13. Buck Rogers (33 points)
14. mrhallorann (30 points)
15. Modtastic (30 points)
16. Oli (30 points)
17. Fausto (30 points)
18. Ron (30 points)
19. CanuckChuck (30 points)
20. Mason (30 points)
21. MrLowell (30 points)
22. SimonH (28 points)
23. roadslave525 (28 points)
24. VirenqueForever (27 points)
25. sar02 (26 points)
26. Bianchi Denti (26 points)
27. 936adl (26 points)
28. Chris (26 points)
29. TomC (26 points)
30. al (26 points)
31. blue (26 points)
32. Kedan (26 points)
33. Azzurri Tim (26 points)
34. McTavish (26 points)
35. Geordi (26 points)
36. Steampunk (26 points)
37. San Tonio (25 points)
38. Harry (23 points)
39. R00tdown (23 points)
40. moondance (23 points)
41. Mark1 (23 points)
42. Rev.C.Mac (23 points)
43. nico (23 points)
44. Ankush (23 points)
45. kowala (23 points)
46. Eddie Bell (23 points)
47. tony macaroni (23 points)
48. Lindrop (23 points)
49. snoov (23 points)
50. simonsaunders (23 points)
51. Kyle (23 points)
52. Lepidopterist (23 points)
53. Roberto Marques (23 points)
54. JCS4 (23 points)
55. Pablo Colletti (23 points)
56. ben (23 points)
57. MJ Moquin (23 points)
58. cal (23 points)
59. shep (23 points)
60. Gianni (23 points)
61. Nosyt (21 points)
62. mcsqueak (21 points)
63. The Fish (21 points)
64. graham d.m. (21 points)
65. Flying Crowbar (20 points)
66. Ruskerdu (20 points)
67. Paco (20 points)
68. tessar (20 points)
69. J-hump (20 points)
70. mrdriftless (20 points)
71. Pirata with Pasta (20 points)
72. Anais Ninja (20 points)
73. Vince (20 points)
74. pink (20 points)
75. calves (20 points)
76. Steve Swift (20 points)
77. Papageno (20 points)
78. Casey Arnold (20 points)
79. actor1 (20 points)
80. feef (20 points)
81. Blake (20 points)
82. Phil Schneider (20 points)
83. Blah (20 points)
84. Noel (20 points)
85. Nic (20 points)
86. NRMontgomery (20 points)
87. roleur510 (20 points)
88. wiscot (18 points)
89. ramenvelo (18 points)
90. Adrian (18 points)
91. razmaspaz (18 points)
92. el gato (18 points)
93. DerHoggz (18 points)
94. Tartan1749 (18 points)
95. Skinnyphat (16 points)
96. meursault (16 points)
97. Deakus (16 points)
98. VeloVita (16 points)
99. Mikel Pearce (16 points)
100. Phil (15 points)
101. Marko (15 points)
102. Nukatpiat (13 points)
103. scaler911 (13 points)
104. VeloAU (13 points)
105. GProsser (13 points)
106. Nate (13 points)
107. dancollins (13 points)
108. RayElVis (13 points)
109. Chasquimorgan (13 points)
110. Skip (13 points)
111. Markp (13 points)
112. Mike Honcho (13 points)
113. sprider (13 points)
114. Jeff in PetroMetro (13 points)
115. Painkiller (13 points)
116. TraJoM (13 points)
117. napolinige (11 points)
118. mouse (11 points)
119. imakecircles (11 points)
120. TOM.NELS2120 (11 points)
121. brett (11 points)
122. LA Dave (11 points)
123. Jonny (11 points)
124. drewPjohnson (11 points)
125. Two Ball Billy (10 points)
126. sthilzy (9 points)
127. RMK (9 points)
128. Belgian Cobblestones (9 points)
129. Xyverz (8 points)
130. The Oracle (8 points)
131. brianc (8 points)
132. Duende (7 points)
133. sgt (7 points)
134. RedRanger (6 points)
135. Minion (6 points)
136. Rigid (6 points)
137. anotherdownunder (6 points)
138. Anast Demitt (6 points)
139. starclimber (6 points)
140. El Mateo (6 points)
141. celestialdrive (6 points)
142. american psycho (6 points)
143. velomihottie (6 points)
144. Marcus (6 points)
145. gaswepass (6 points)
146. Don juan (6 points)
147. gino (6 points)
148. Rick (6 points)
149. Frank Ramos (6 points)
150. Alex (6 points)
151. Tomislav (6 points)
152. JC Belgium (6 points)
153. Heihachi (6 points)
154. PRbadlegs (6 points)
155. elrond (6 points)
156. ifurley (6 points)
157. Benny (6 points)
158. godsight (6 points)
159. Simon (6 points)
160. Matt (6 points)
161. DR5150 (6 points)
162. Erik Olsen (6 points)
163. Enoch (6 points)
164. Cyclops (5 points)
165. Mikael Liddy (4 points)
166. il ciclista medio (4 points)
167. Erik (4 points)
168. Daccordi Rider (4 points)
169. frank (3 points)
170. Kah (3 points)
171. eightzero (3 points)
172. Lukas (3 points)
173. schmiken (3 points)
174. Tobin (3 points)
175. Craig Chambers (3 points)
176. Lister (3 points)
177. Topcover (3 points)
178. ErikdR (3 points)
179. Karl (3 points)
180. sean (3 points)
181. Cchern (3 points)
182. Islandbike (3 points)
183. pakrat (3 points)
184. dunderleif (3 points)
185. ChrisO (2 points)
186. Chappy McPappystackings (1 points)
187. versio (1 points)
188. Aidas (1 points)
189. ten B (1 points)
190. the Engine (1 points)
191. seemunkee (1 points)
192. Souleur (1 points)
193. mxlmax (1 points)
194. hammermama (0 points)
195. noiyce (0 points)
196. Bike Jonez (0 points)
197. itburns (0 points)
198. King Clydesdale (0 points)
199. ralph (0 points)
200. Sauterelle (0 points)
201. bkwentz (0 points)
202. Giles (0 points)
203. harminator (0 points)
204. Dan_R (0 points)
205. Jay (0 points)
206. G’rilla (0 points)
207. Smithers (0 points)
208. niksch (0 points)
209. Gerard (0 points)
Was that Yannick Noah presenting the yellow jersey?
I can’t event get the Lanterne Rouge.
@scaler911
Once upon a time, I would have wanted to party with Sagan and Boonen. There’s another pair. Maybe get Sagan, Boonen, and Der Kaiser out on the town in Amsterdam.
@Erik
That is a great promotional idea (sweepstakes)! A pro extravaganza.
Hopefully cuddles keeps fighting and claws his way back into 5th in the ITT. Would love to win some fine booty.
Paul Smith and the attraction of le maillot: http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/audioslideshow/2012/jul/18/cycling-fashion-paul-smith
@Chris
plenty!
@Adrian
Punched a few fans too – Class
I can’t see why the tour is boring this year. Sure sky have the yellow jersey kept under lock and key, with a back up available, but wiggins (and apparently froome) have the best power to weight ratio, and go uphill fast and steady, and that is always going to be faster than the pure climbers, if they have the confidence to stick to the same pace in response to the digs.
The saddest part is not knowing how good Wiggins really is. He is content to conserve energy for the time trials, if someone close on TT ability was pushing him, would he be going quicker up the hills?
You do however have the brilliance that is Peter Sagan, several breakaway wins because sky refuse to do all of the chasing (always interesting tactics) and a very interesting fight for the polka dot jersey.
Now its time for Guess those Cyclists! These two compatriots have each won at least one stage during this Tour!
@DerHoggz Millar & Cav, too easy!
@Mikael Liddy
And we have a winner! Cav is supposedly 11 there, but his expression hasn’t changed in years.
@taon24
The reason that people have complained is that while the Spotty Jumper & individual stages are nice distractions, the GC is the actual race and it’s been over since the first TT.
Compare it to last year where a similar rider won (gradual climber, powerful TTer) but instead of sitting in & doing the least work possible, he chased stage wins (1 & 4), was happy to attack other CG riders (bombing descents in the Pyrenees) & when the race was threatened to be taken away from him, he took it upon himself to get it back…
@DerHoggz
Think it was Millar’s first or second tour, when the Grand Depart was in the UK.
@Mikael Liddy
Evans also wasn’t in yellow from the first mountainy stage all the way to (so far) the end. Wiggins is letting his helpers go for the wins IMO, Froome and EBH being examples.
@Mikael Liddy
According to the site I got it from, it was some cycling festival on the Isle of Man.
@DerHoggz
That’s Alfred E Neuman on the right, Millar on the left.
@Marcus
Yep, it was. And of course, The Badger was zipping up the maillot jaune on Wiggo.
@Mikael Liddy That was only 2007 which would make Cav about 16 now, so I suspect it was early 2000s. Millar didn’t ride for Cofidis after he got busted in ’04 anyway…
@Oli yeah I think @DerHoggz has it right, I remember him mentioning it in Racing Through the Dark but thought it was somethng to do with the Tour. I couldn’t remember which of the years it was that it took off from the UK.
@wiscot
I enjoyed that, I always thought he’d be a bit of fashion idiot but he seems bang on.