Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
Props to Big George. Only 20 seconds down on Spartacus on his last prologue TT. Much respect.
Frank… Over 200 entries… Chapeau
@Cyclops
Even Phil Liggett says, “He will never win the Tour, but he does win the day!”
I watched today with my 4 year old. Halfway through she disappeared off and came back with her ‘bike hat’ on to look like the riders. Then she went off to root round her bedroom again because she realised that all the riders had sunglasses on. I took this snap as cuddles was about to roll:
I’ll be working on Rule #27 with her over the next 3 weeks.
La Casque à pois. :) Very cute.
One of my best memories of fatherhood is suffering badly in a hilly crit and seeing my toddler daughter on the sidelines in a diaper holding her bottle in the air and yelling at me “GOOOOOOOOOOO!” I got dropped, but that memory remains.
@Cyclops
You mean he is going to discover a new wonder drug and rule cycling for the next five years?
Sorry, could not resist. Just being a wiseass!
So while all the pussies in France were hammering for a mere six minutes or so I was out doing over 100k and getting a 4th place on a Strava climb. While me and my mate were cruising along this bird flew up from the side of the road and kind of paced us as he flew just off of Nate’s drops. It was kind of surreal seeing the bird there and watching it go “chirp, chirp” with what seemed to be a perplexed look on its wee bird face when all of a sudden it kamakazied right through my mate’s front triangle and bounced off of his leg. Oh, and this was just minutes after the coyote darted across the road in front of us on the descent.
@Cyclops
I saw a wolf and a load of moose tracks on my gravel ride today. Must be one for wildlife sightings.
@motor city Totally Rule Compliant. Quite the Velominata you’re raising there. Cute, cute, cute.
Saw some sheep today and a turkey in full fluff trying to impress a gas station sign. Not a big deal for Kiwis (the sheep) for sure, but in NJ it’s a bit unusual.
@motor city
A future female Giro Winner!!
@Cyclops. Communing with birds?! Excellent!
Regarding this article’s main photo: am I the only one that sees Jeff Goldblum?![]()
It’s funny how you build up preconceptions of people based on their writing style: Frank, never in a million years did I think you’d be pulling support for Wiggo because of his sideburns. For some reason I pictured you hankering after an even more luxuriant pair of bugger grips for your own good self…
Wiggo is Marko.
@motor city
Well done!
@frank
Sandbagging usually is only practiced in the lead up to a particular race — not over a period of years.
3rd in the VSP, and I just won a helmet in my LBS’s prologue prize draw. I’m like Twiggo in the Dauphine – happy to win something, but with all signs pointing to the fact that I’m peaking too early.
So I read on velonews that specialized’s new tt clincher punctures on Toby Martin’s bike in the prologue of the tour. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, they make some of the shittest tires ever made. It’s quite gratifying having an axe to grind.
@minion It was a piece of glass, apparently. Could have been any tyre, but don’t let me stop you hating.
@cyclops: great ride it sounds
buddy and i were out on a mtn bike ride, yeah yeah I know, but we love it, and as we were heading down back to the start we were bombing it through a meadow, and jumped a doe deer, and she ‘assumed’ I suppose she would just run up the trail and cross and go…but as she did, we were already there too…and she quietly (in a poetically quiet fashion in slo-mo I might add) blitzed across the trail doing what looked like 50k/hr and missed us by an arms length…thank Merckx we were a little slower than she
she would have sent us into next week had she hit either of us. Which actually is one of the reasons i love the bike, non-cyclists never get to see this stuff, hear it, see it or sense it, and its their loss
and BTW, I hope your SO right about my man Spartacus. I just picked with my sensibilities. But there is enough TT this year that IF he rode like Big Mig, he could control damage in the mtns, and TT like he has a motor in this tubes
I can’t wait to get over there. We’re leaving on Saturday for the Alps and should 3 stages including a ride up the Col Du Grand Colombiere. I love riding there, the French car drivers love cycling, so different to here in the UK. I’ll be checking out some of the Marmotte’s course ready for next .
Vive le Tour, vive le Velominati e
What a finish!
@Cyclops
I apologise. I apologise. Nothing but the highest respect for Fabian today.
@BeaconJon Are you going to join us for the Alpine Cogal? It could be good……
A minor but perhaps interesting moment in today’s race – Cavendish being dumped out the back when it heated up at the end.
OK he might be saving himself for the next few days but this is the new, lighter ‘I can go up hills’ Cavendish who earlier in the day was scrapping for intermediate sprint points.
That’s not going to win the Olympics and he hasn’t got the team to win the green jersey. Has Team Sky turned potentially the greatest sprinter in history into another stage scavenger.
@motor city
Good job on her learning to be Rule #37 compliant right from the go!
OK the votes are in and here is what the Velominati think collectively…
Our VSP is: (name – weighted votes – % of total)
1. Wiggins – 841, 38.4%
2. Evans – 797, 36.4%
3. Nibali – 291, 13.3%
4. Hesjedal – 259, 11.8%
5. Gesink – 131, 6%
No race this season has been so heavily dominated by the top two, even the spring classics when Boonen and Cancellara looked to scoop up everything between them.
So if your VSP looks like that, don’t hold off buying shoes, because we generally pick two out of 5 and never more than three.
The rest of the top 10 is, in order, Grimpelder, Sanchez (samuel), JVDB, Eggtimer, and Menchov. All got some first place support, except Menchov, the only one who has actually won a grand tour IIRC.
Clearly we have divided opinion about the minor placings, 5th in particular, with no less than 25 other picks for 5th place. I suspect this may also be related to the now proven crapness of our picks encouraging people to throw in wild cards. I’m calling it the Thibaut effect.
Bon chance.
@ChrisO I really wouldn’t count Cav out just yet. My money’s on him to do the business tomorrow!
Be nice if the UCI could ban hillbillys ike Horner and Zabriskie from taking part in euro cycling.
I have to hit the mute button whenever one of those two concussed guys do an interview.
The UEFA would never allow those types to ruin euro football’s image.
@ChrisO
Personally I would rather see them work for Wiggo if they can’t do both. Cavendish will be fine though.
@Chipomarc
your kidding…right?? Hillbillies?? I have to say coming from the ozarks here, they are no hillbillies and I am not sure what your point is? did i miss an interview somewhere? Because Zabriskie has an intellect that few interviewers can ever take on and win, just ask around.
and Horner, IMHO at his age is a class act to even be riding in the PRO rank, moreless in the TdF. He’s shy, but no hillbilly. Just because the guy can finish out a stage in his sleep, don’t hold that against him, after all..he’s riding.
@ChrisO
I wouldn’t count him out of anything, but he certainly didn’t have the speed in the intermediate sprint where Gossy had quite a bit on him.
London is a ways off and I expect he’ll take a win or two along the way in the Tour; I’d sure love to see him put that wheel-sucking Sagan wagon in his place. I just wonder if his weight loss didn’t come at the expense of some speed.
@frank
Wheel sucking Sagan wagon? Geez…
@brett
I’m glad someone else said it. That is gonna go down as the lamest victory salute ever, as much for the context as for doing the chicken dance on his bike. I’m sticking to my pre race prediction that we’re going to see some counter – intuitive riding from Cav during the tour, and if it comes off we’ll all be calling him a genius. If not, he’ll be pilloried from here to Box HIll and back. I think Cav’s going to be measuring himself against his competition in London, rather than the sprinters
@Souleur
Oddest comment of the year. Zabriskie is hands down the most interesting rider in the history of US participation in cycling. Far more entertaining than Bob Roll and without trying so hard. And as for Horner – he has always seemed ok.
And using UEFA as a model for anything (other than the embodiment of institutionalized corruption) is flawed.
Cuddles looked good today – no one in the bunch seemed to be able to (or be so inclined – hill joke, geddit?) to come around him until the half-arsed little bunch sprint.
Operation Cadouble on track.
@Souleur
Yea that was harsh of me. I should not have been anywhere near a keyboard today when Spain scored that fourth goal.
If Horner wants to wear a John Deere trucker hat when he’s home grilling steaks and drinking beer straight from the can then I’m really OK with that, good to see him at the tour this year.
@brett Yes, apparently you’re not allowed to win races in the time-tested traditional ways these days.
Cancellara retweeting today
@Chipomarc it’sunderstandable for him to be frustrated. Is will always be a marked man.
@Chipomarc I can understand his frustration, but I’m sure he understands that that’s bike racing.
Faboo needs to stop whinging. Ok, you’re the strongest? Keep riding to the line. Sagan rode to his strengths, and to Fab’s as well. Fab should’ve been driving it to get extra seconds, rather than a stage win, and ended up with neither. Not very bright our Fab.
@brett thems fighting word.
And what’s with the yellow helmets for SKY? Gonna look pretty stupid on the Champs, Wiggo’s helmet not matching anything else…
@brett
Whilst I hesitate to quote logic from Phil Liggett (who has started very hot this year – calling Tony Martin for a second mechanical in the prologue before he realised he was watching the replay was priceless) Fabs did have the additional goal of trying to gather a few extra seconds on GC – turns out he failed at that too – but that gave some indication of why he gave Sagan the leadout.
Sagan’s hands on hip salute was very very ordinary.
@Marcus
No shit, Sherlock, exactly what I said. Fab wants seconds, then go get seconds. Sagan wanted the stage, and rode accordingly. Sagan smart, Fabs dumb.
@brett The yellow helmets are just a revival of the traditional yellow caps of the leading team, as seen here on the heads of Phil Anderson and the Peugeot team in the ’81 Tour.
@brett I don’t think Cancellara is dumb because he tried to get Sagan to pull, but Sagan would definitely have been dumb if he had and then lost.
Of course after watching the stage, after being excited about what was a great finish, I was immediately disappointed knowing the wheel sucking comments were coming.
It’s bike racing, Sagan won, Fabian was stupid enough to pull the whole time, and Sagan took advantage. Gerrans did the same thing in MSR and almost every Aussie on here defended him. Seriously get off it, all of you. This isn’t a triathlon, you’re allowed to draft.
If Fabian want to get his breakaway companions to work then he should stop being willing to pull everyone to the line.
I read somewhere today (paraphrasing):
I don’t mind someone sitting in and taking the win. I don’t mind someone showboating across the line.
But it’s a bit dodgy sitting in and taking the win, then showboating across the line.
@brett sorry – shoulda read the second part of your post a bit closer. But my threshold of reading your shit tops out at about 20 words.
@everyone – now the Tour is on, can we get back to Old School Velominati – where insults about nationality, cycling knowledge and anything else were thrown around pretty readily?
@Marcus
Slovenia is a shithole, and you know what the Swiss do with all those cows don’t you?