Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@Nate
The only thing I can guess at is that the Swiss found cows provided a fit that was not quite, er, snug enough – so they put holes in their cheese?
@Oli Further to this point, the Team leaders on points used to wear green caps as can be seen on the lap of Maillot Blanc Henk Lubberding in the 1978 Tour.
@Marcus
The alternative explanation would be rather shocking.
@Oli
Of course Fab had to ask Sagan to pull, but shoulda known that wasn’t happening and just drove on. Still would’ve got second place, but gained more time on GC.
@Oli
@brett
It is a race. Where you draft an opponent until firing the cannons at the right moment. The race unfolded perfectly.
@versio
Think Billy sums it up nicely
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/jul/01/tour-de-france-2012-peter-sagan
@brett
Not sure what you have said?
@King Clydesdale
Wrong. Fabian keeps yellow, which had to be priority number one. You could see him checking over his shoulder and deciding to go for the seconds rather than try and get Sagan to pull which would have given Faboo a shot at the stage. Fabian’s put himself in the position to keep yellow or contest the stage win, and people are critical. FFS.
Yes Sagan wheel sucked. It was textbook. However MSR is nearly 300km long: Gerrans did a fuckload better to get round a flying Cancellara at MSR than Sagan did here, so that’s not really a like for like comparison. If people want to be critical, criticize the bunch for letting the break stick.
@Marcus
Stop being so fucking diplomatic. After Wimbledon, the cricket, and a possible no show at the Tour, this is going to be the cultural highlight of your year.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/bogans/story-e6frg6n6-1226400727255
@versio
Read the posts, Einstein. You’re arguing against me using the same point I made!
@meursault Must remember to recognize more merit from Sagan next year.
@brett
No. I never called Fabian dumb for his race effort today. I did what he needed to do.
He did. Fabian. I did something else other than racing in the Tour.
@versio
I give up.
Man if people are this tetchy after the prologue and one stage, imagine what this place is gonna look like in 3 weeks.
@Blah
Sagan did race the entire course to that moment. And made all the right decisions even in the final moments. He earned his race, so why should he cower over the line?
@minion It is hilarious – everyone has exactly the same point of view, yet there are about four separate arguments going on.
At the end of 3 weeks you will still be a fuckwit.
@frank
Hey, blame was shifted for a blockhead wheel-sucking Sagan remark to Brett. Uncovering more of the fuss, it was all wide-eyed Frank’s doing.
@Marcus
Yep, when the internet’s not being used to send your mother in law kitten pictures, it gets used for vitriolic and furious agreement without realizing it.
And, at the end of three weeks, you’ll still be Australian so I start out ahead and stay that way.
@Oli
Cadels reaction to hearing Sky would be making fuckwits of themselves by wearing yellow helmets.
@Daccordi Rider
That’s ‘shopped, Webber never made pole.
@Oli
Those shoes are tits.
I had a man crush on Henk Lubberding’s mullet.
@Nate Like how back in the day Kelly got everyone to do the casual lay back on the car bonnet ( car hood to you non-Commonwealth types ) pose.
@versio
Cower? Geeze, go to the opposite extreme why dontcha.
Two hands up, big smile, sure. Strongman muscle flex a bit much, I thought, as he finished.
Chapeau for the win, meh for the salutes.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Did Joe Parkin put him up to that?
@Nate
I always thought it was Chris Huber who got that shit going over on Coors Light
There is a good side story in the TdF. A group of amateur women are riding each stage the day before. Heidi Swift is the main blogger and she likes to use the F-word, so that is good. These ladies are going to get a real workout.
here is a link to yesterday’s ride.
@Gianni Sure glad that John Wilcockson doesn’t throw the F word around over on the Peloton site.
@Gianni
wow, are they seriously doing that – nice write up too – I think I am in love
as for Sagan – he’s there to win a stage, which he did, better than anyone else, albeit
with a pretty lame celebration (maybe something minor like the TdF has actually overwhelmed him?) and Faboo wanted to keep the MJ and show everyone he is still the Daddy, which he is – he is not going for GC, so a stage win would have been nice, but WTF, what a great finish – never realised having genuine GC favourite from your country could be so nerve wracking – gonna be in bits by the end of this race
@Dr C
Aren’t you Irish? Don’t see no Leprechauns on the list of contenders…
@Chipomarc I guess that’s good. He can say whatever the fuck he wants, he rules.
@Dr C There is no arguing with fit women in cycling lycra, they look much better than us.
@brett I believe the Good Doctor is from the North. From the Troubles, hence British? So Wiggo has a hold on him and he won’t let go.
@Daccordi Rider BAAAA! But if BMC become the leading team on GC then they will be wearing the yellow helmets.
@Blah I thought it was the “I’m a little teapot” salute?
@Oli But Spartacus is in yellow. Leading team has fuck all to do with yellow, only GC leader can wear yellow. Except in the final stage when the team of the winner is allowed yellow sunnies or bar tape.
I hope Jensys bear comes out of the woods and eats Team Sky!
@Daccordi Rider Not correct. The rule is that the team in the lead on TEAM GC has to wear the yellow helmets, not the team with the individual leader. So if BMC become the leaders of the Teams GC then they’ll have to wear the helments, and the same goes for any team that leads that competition.
They have to wear them? Fuck, the world’s gone mad. You’d be trying not to lead just so you don’t look like a bunch of commuters…
@brett As people have pointed out, if they do the same thing for teams GC in the Giro they’ll all have to wear pink helmets.
@Gianni
If anything in recent memory deserves a quote, it’s this. It’s amazing what these women are doing.
I love fit chicks in lycra, ‘specially ones with long plaits…
Some random thoghts on yesterdays stage.
Big George earned his pay yesteray ferrying Cuddles from the back half of the peleton and through the utter chaos to deposit him into the top 5 at the start of the climb.
Chavanel’s attack on the steepest part of the climb was impressive! I got vertigo looking down the slope of the hill from the perspective of the moto-cameraman.
Faboo’s counter was simply amazing, as was Sagan’s response, as was EBH’s bridge!
Cuddles throttling back after Faboo, Sagan and EBH were up the road, turns around to see if anyone else thought they might like to have a go at chasing. I think the pack thought it was going to ba a mini Galibier again.
Faboo’s elbow flick that morphed into a bigger elbow flick, that morphed into a FFS NY Taxi driver “come around, idiot” full arm wave.
Giblets is Back!!
Valverde 6th!!!
Gesink 7th
Weight of a Nation 9TH!
Fuck yeah, It’s going to be a good Tour.
Ok, is this new? Don’t remember Garmin in them last year.
@brett
@Oli
Tweet from Michael Rogers explains:
Prior to the start all the teams agreed that leading team in team classification should wear yellow helmets! #tdf
@mouse They had to agree, because it was in the ASO rules.
@Daccordi Rider Yes, as of this year. If you recall, last year’s surprise last minute announcement was that the previous winner didn’t get to start the prologue in yellow.
@brett
“Custard coloured caps of contention”
@Oli are you saying The Phil and Paul show got it wrong when they said Cadelephant was not wearing yellow coz the new clothing sponsor forgot to do him up a kit? I’ve never known those two to get anything wrong before.
Did you know the river running through Liege is 600 miles long? I do coz Paul mentioned it 527 Fucking times.
@Daccordi Rider That did raise a chuckle.
You’re all missing the point entirely. It’s a french joke to make the English wear a cheese coloured hat in the land of the cheese eating surrender monkeys.
So does each team have a set of yellow lids? Or do they pass them around…. Maybe wiggo’s comes with sideys attached
;)
@brett
Yellow helmets! ARRRRRRRRGH! takes me back to the 80’s when the college made helmet wearing compulsory if you rode to school.
The school got a deal on STACKHAT’s and almost all parents bought them for their kids. The cool parents got their kids Gardian helmets.
You’d leave home with it on, get around the corner, rip it off and ram in school bag, then ~1km from school put it back on for school rule adherence!
Sadly, I’ve still got my Stackhat! Can’t find my old Brancale Giro bucket.