Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France Stage 17

Jens the Barbarian descends on a loaner bike with toe clips; Photo: Fyxomatosis

At one point [Conan the Barbarian], and his other old warrior friends capture this village, but then they find that they are surrounded by an army of tens of thousands, and his only reaction is, “Oh man, it’s going to take days to kill all these people!” – Jens Voigt

This (paraphrased) passage from Terry Pratchett’s parody of the famous character helped Jens struggle through a stage that would have seen weaker men climb into the broom wagon. But struggle through he did, and he should swing his leg over the top tube of his (own) bike again at the start line of Stage 17.

I look at this photo and realize that I’m a sick man. I see his blood-soaked clothes and body, and the first thing I say to myself is, “How did he get his Speedplay cleats to stay in those old pedals? And check out those sweet old Campy Chorus alu Ergos! I’ve been looking for a pair of those!”

But I digress. The inaugural Velominati Super Prestige launches it’s third VSP Sub-Competition with Stage 17 of the Tour de France. The competition will allow contestants the opportunity to win bonus points in the VSP Tour de France by choosing the top three finishers of the stage for a chance to win 3 points for first place, 2 for second, and 1 for third.

Stage 17 should prove to be the most decisive stage of the race, providing Brother Grimpeur the Younger his final legitimate opportunity to win this Tour de France while – in theory at least – Bertie YouTube needs to do little more than defend his position to be almost assured of taking his third crown. Schleck said during the rest day that the first man to reach La Mongie atop the Tourmalet will win this Tour; will Grimpito set off the Guns of Navarone and take enough time in order to stave off the inevitable surge from Contador in the final time trial on Saturday? Or will the Climbing Paella launch a surprise attack to prove he is the strongest climber in this years Tour, taking time out of Schleck before the time trial?

Make your picks for the top three of the day by the time tomorrow’s stage starts, regular VSP Rules apply. Good luck!

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Kermitpunk says:

Jul 21 2010 at 6:37 pm

@Geof
Damn! Those are good picks.

Am also hoping against hope that Ryder Hesjedal holds onto his top ten GC standing and that the Bull from Grimstad takes off to pick up some more intermediate sprint points. It might have been a lot quieter, but his tenth-place finish on Stage 16 is just as impressive as his classic solo from last year.

@Velomihottie
Do we really need a Jens rule? The beauty of Jens is that he just is.
Geof says:

Jul 21 2010 at 7:11 pm

@Kermitpunk

"Do we really need a Jens rule? The beauty of Jens is that he just is."

Good point. Maybe ANY Jens Rule would be disrespectful.

Agree entirely re Ryder and Thor.
Daniel says:

Jul 21 2010 at 7:16 pm

Grimpeur
Sanchez
Contador
wvcycling says:

Jul 21 2010 at 7:17 pm

Am I missing out on some secret internet meeting that teaches everyone what snazzy and sarcastic names to call the riders by instead of their actual names? I'm a bit confussled by a few of them... :(
frank says:

Jul 21 2010 at 8:04 pm

@Velomihottie
Welcome, and what an entrance. Well done. The Rule has been added, in your honor: Rule 78.
frank says:

Jul 21 2010 at 8:06 pm

@wvcycling
We pretty much make them up, but the good ones that stick get cataloged over in the Lexicon. Some of them are perhaps a bit harsh, but here at the Velominati, we try to be harsh, but fair. We never set "tasteful" as one of our goals. Perhaps we should consider it.
frank says:

Jul 21 2010 at 8:10 pm

@Kermitpunk, @Geof
You both make good points. Eddy plays an entirely different role in the Rules, which is to be revealed at a later time.

Jens, however, is embodiment of the Rules. It's more of an axiom. See what you think; we will consider all options, but I think, as it stands, it is pretty good.
frank says:

Jul 21 2010 at 8:16 pm

After deep introspection, I have made my picks.
Andy:

There's only one way (to win) and that's on the climb of the Tourmalet. If you go before you won't succeed."

Ryder GivesitHell just read that and said, "Ah, I just told Andy that he attacked and dropped his sword, eh? Might as well keep contradicting him."

He goes early, and makes it, staying several minutes clear to take the Queen stage. Grimpito goes at the base ala Sastre to take a 47 second gain over YouTube. Bertie follows, goes into the red, and gets passed by a surging Phramstrong.

1. GivesitHell
2. Grimpeur the Younger
3. Pharmy
Velomihottie says:

Jul 21 2010 at 9:27 pm

@frank
Gee Frank thanks I feel honoured!

Apparently the rain is coming down hard up at the Tourmalet at the moment. Looks like the epic battle to come in the next few hours will be done in the cold soaking wet conditions. Here's hoping for a battle of monumental proportions and one to knock into the memory banks for years to come. I'm over all the chaingate saga. The Grimplet needs to start doing his talking on the bike.
frank says:

Jul 21 2010 at 9:37 pm

@Velomihottie

The Grimplet needs to start doing his talking on the bike.

Indeed. Rule 74.