The mighty VSP generator has been switched on once again. The mil-spec hydraulic fluid has been changed since the Giro. A new power take-off belt has also been installed. And the punch card reader has been refurbished.
Broome and Berti are already riding the Critérium du Dauphiné. The top contenders prefer the Dauphiné for the decent recovery allowed between it and the Tour. The Tour de Suisse provides a chance for everyone else to prove they are worthy to make their Tour team or they are lieutenants who actually would like to win this Swiss tour before they have to work for their Tour de France team leader, who will falter and then they will assume the leadership, the understudy, as it were. No, did I say Cadel’s name? I did not.
Fabian Cancellara is in, he is a past winner of the Tour de Suisse, like Francesco Moser is a past winner of the Giro. Two Passitas if there ever were, winning mountainous stage races of their home countries. Vlad Karpets won the Tour de Suisse in 2007! What does this mean? It means picking the winner of this race could put you in a spot of bother is what it means. Some are riding to gain fitness, some are not riding too hard to keep fitness and some are racing to win because they have no chance of winning the Big One just weeks later. Clarity on this issue is only achievable from the correct reading of chicken bones stirred with monkey paw, or a life of purity.
This race begins on Saturday so don’t mess around. The provisional start list is here. This is a stage race but not a grand tour so the winner’s prize is not as grand, but the bragging rights are.
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VSP PICKS:
1. Dan Martin
2. Rui Costa
3. Tejay Van Garderen
4. Janez Brajkovic
5. Andy Schleck
VSP PICKS:
1. Cancellara
2. Van Garderen
3. Sagan
4. Gilbert
5. Martin
VSP PICKS:
1. Van Garderen
2. Hesjedal
3. krueziger
4. Pinot
5. Martin
Final TT is a warm up followed by nothing but climbing, Ryder will be eating like a pig to recover lost weight and form while supporting Oh Danny Boy who's gonna be in perfect position to slowly grind off every last burr to pull this shit off. Scarpony is still irritated as fuck at his Giro finish, and will fail spectacularly on the final stage whilst gritting his teeth with enough vigor to generate sparks in the rain. Oh, yes, how it will rain. These fuckers will be begging for snow by the finale because you can have fun with snow, make snowballs and snowmen and snow angels etc, but who the fuck ever throws themselves onto their backs to make rain-fucking-angels? No one. No one ever. Not even Frank. I tried to make a rainball this morning, and just scraped the fuck out of my hands. That sure was fun. The kind of fun you get when you try to perform keratotomy on yourself with a Dremel kind of fun.
I rest my case.
VSP PICKS:
1. Dan Martin
2. Scarponi
3. Van Garderen
4. Amador
5. Spilak
PS: Amador needs to add a few more syllables to his already ludicrous second last name, for rhythmical machine gun reasons and my personal amusement. BIZZAKKAWAKKAWAKKAZAKKAWAKKANOVA at the very LEAST. Amen. Hail Merckx.
VSP PICKS:
1. TVG
2. Mollema
3. Costa
4. Brajkovic
5. Pinot
Didn't realize Scarponi was racing so I'm shuffling a bit. Fabby's out and Scarps is in. The King of consonants stays on my podium but RK drops to 5th.
VSP PICKS:
1. Tejay Vangardeschnitzel
2. Rui Alberto Faria da whatsisface
3. KRUIJSWIJKKJRTSJKIKJUR
4. Scarpuerto
5. Die Kreuziger
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VSP PICKS:
1. rui costa
2. kreuziger
3. dan martin
4. tj
5. scarponi
VSP PICKS:
1. Vor gone off
2. Kangert
3. Wilco
4. Kochhead
5. Kreder Klearwater Revival
Wankspanner. Saturday start!? Call me Delgado.
Oh well, sat in my hotel room in Rome watching Giro re-runs in Italian while Mrs Chris is in the spa. Cav is nicely positioned with 6km to go. Wrestling with the dilema of whether to start on beer or wine. Life could be worse.